To mutter to speak quietly and in a voice that is not easy to hear, often when you are anxious or complaining about something: He muttered to himself as he walked or I heard him mutter something.

A week from tonight our polling stations where people vote will be closing about now and the councils will begin the count to determine which MPs are local neighbourhoods, towns and cities decide to elect and send to parliament. When I was 18 I studied Public Policy at Southampton Institute, I had learning difficulties and it was the first place I got offered that offered a course I really wanted to study.

It involved the study of UK contemporary Politics, Economics, Sociology and Constitutional Law. The course gave me a good understanding of and an ability to interpret political views and issues, while  developing my own views and perspectives on politics too.

Sadly though due to a serious mental health issue and drug addiction I only lasted on the course for about 18 months then crashed and burned. But in that time and to this day it gave me a good understanding of learning – not just about the power of education the importance of politics and breaking down concepts and rebuilding them back up again in my mind. But also the addictive and damage nature of illegal drugs the limits and fragility of my mental health and mind.   

After some real life altering choices which I mainly had to force upon myself due to the sad truth of the fact that for me illegal hallucinogenic drugs and any forms of cannabis are just seriously damaging to my mental health and an absolute no go zone for me and my head. From the age of about 16 up to about the age of 25 I still did not realise or believe the damage that certain illegal drugs could do to me ,I just did not want to accept it. I don’t advocate abstention for everyone and think many forms of drugs should be licensed or legally controlled not simply banned. But just as an alcoholic should not touch a whisky, I should not touch hallucinogens or cannabis due to the impacts on my mental health and life.

I have a form of mental health condition which means I have been on a form of medication that prevents or dampens down hallucinations’ for over probably 20 years or more now. The form I am on at the moment works really well for me and keeps me balanced and well enough to hold down a job and function having only had a few blips in my mental health road over the years and managed to stay on track with my life, job and home.

When I occasionally have, for want of a better word had a mental hiccup I have had enough incite to know what was going on and to ask for help and hold on for dear life and look after myself and all I am and have as best as I could until things calmed down and imporved. But saying all that if I knew what triggered these mental health incidents then I can’t promise I would try to do those things that increase the risk of them not happening again.

You still must live your life because you are still alive you can’t completely block yourself of from the things that you fear or hurt you in the outside world. To experience life is to experience a range and spectrum of emotions and experiences some positive and sadly some at times negative. The only constant that seems to appear in life is change and those that best adapt and act on that change are the ones that tend to survive and thrive.