Category: Humour

It’s a trap!

I’m generally quite good at detecting phone scams and normally don’t fall for them or even give them a chance to speak before I hang up on them. But this evening I really felt like I got scammed.

I was on the phone to my mum just chatting about how the day has gone and checking what Christmas parcels that I had ordered to her house had arrived today when suddenly my mobile phone started ringing.  

I instantly though oh I had better get that call and it was showing up as a UK landline number , real number, real human being and you would hope real place that they are phoning from.

So I answered the phone and they that they were phoning from Ofwat (who are the water company regulator for the UK) to do a customer survey about South West Water (my water supplier). My first and only sensible question that I asked them was, ‘do you know my address and who you are calling today?’ I figured that if this really was not a hoax call that they should potentially know my name and address. Right away the woman speaking told me that she did not have that information.

I would have and perhaps should have hung up there and then but I did not. The thing is this the second time that South West Water survey people have tried to call me and the last time a couple of weeks ago was in the day and I said that I would answer a survey from them but could only do so after 5pm and this call was just after 5pm. So I thought they were either a very dedicated or lucky scammer.

Sadly I also was interested in the questions that they were asking and also wished to express my views on those questions such as, what were my views on the pollution on the coastal areas and what South west water were doing about it and that kind of thing so if this was a real questionnaire I did want to provide my views.  

There were 3 questions that I thought were dodgy but 3 questions is more than enough, firstly they asked me what my job was a just said officer for council (nice and vague), secondly they asked me for my annual household income, I said I was not prepared to provide them with these details it just seems the perfect kind of info a hoax caller would want to put me in a how much money we can extract form this idiot category on their hit list. Finally and the very last question they asked was my name, which I went ahead and told them to which after 20 minutes of survey I thought oh well I hope this is genuine!!!

So back to trusty Google, I searched about scam calls and South West Water and they had a 24 hour emergency phone line open for reporting water leaks on but you could also call them about scam calls and so phoned that number got put in a queue as you do waiting to ask a human being whether or not I had been scammed and who do I call about it?

So finally got through to a human and asked them if they knew of any surveys I was due to take and they confirmed that Ofwat were due to phone me and there was nothing to worry about. ARR FOR FECK SAKE!

On a plus note I found out I am in credit in my water account when I logged on trying to contact them so am going to cash in on that, well at least I should get some cash back in time for Crimbo, so long as that’s not a trap!

It’s cold outside

Sleep is my drug of choice!

Having survived my teenage years of drug experimentation in the 90’s with an eye on the cool hippies of the 60’s I am very grateful to be alive today, without too many side effects emanating from my past. With that in mind now sleep is probably the main mind altering substance I seek to use these days.

An ode to Sleep

When my head is weary and my eyes tired too,

There is gentleness in the dark,

I can close my eyes and can no longer see a view.

Though I do not seek to live in darkness all my life,

I do enjoy the rest bite for a while,

I can find peace when I fall asleep at night.

Recharge my batteries for another day.

Without such darkness I might not appreciate what I see tomorrow,

or appreciated the new point of view.

So when the next problem comes my way,

I’ll sleep on it and see what I can do.

Birdy – Keeping Your Head Up

We should be as mad as hell!

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” declared the longtime news anchor Howard Beale in the 1975 film classic Network. In the picture, people everywhere toss open their windows and repeat the catchphrase with a barbaric yap. They rush to the streets in maddening throng to air their grievances.

Quite fitting for our own time even though it’s from 1975.

With my own Prime Minister or so called leader of Britain Boris Johnson having had a birthday party, which he did not remember having or going to and then after remembering that he did actually have it and attend then deciding it was not after all a party! In the meantime he is trying to spread out the time it will take to admit what the hell was going on and what he has actually done or not done, that by the time the truth is finally out there we might not be so mad with him anymore as we have had to move on to the next bit of drama or TV rating fodder that we are following instead.

Leader of Britain – Boris Johnson

The present piece of TV rating global drama is the potential invasion of Ukraine by the new age Tsar Putin – the man is a power hungry monster, who will only be happy when the blood sweat and tears of other members of humanity, suffer and surrender at his throne. He really wants to make people suffer whether it’s by interfering and spreading disinformation in democratic countries or poisoning or imprisoning potential political threats in his own country. I used to just think he was a Russian mafia man but he has far greater ambition than to be the local god father of mother Russia.

European powers very much rely presently on Russian gas for fuel and energy of homes and businesses and if he flexes his muscles to cause a confrontation in Ukraine just to prove a point and invade a sovereign nation it will be a line in the sand that once crossed can never be taken back.

Moving They Keep On Moving!

Well a lot has happened since I last wrote in this space. Parents are both packing up all there belongings into boxes in their separate homes. Mum is moving back to Devon and Dad decided that he would move out of his bungalow into a new flat too. Who knew the stress of moving could be so much fun, no really who does know about the stress of moving as it is no fun and it’s not even me doing the move.

I thought the whole point of moving was to go to a place that you actually want to live, not just a pit stop along the race track of life. I’m very lucky in that I have a lovely flat and although it’s not my own the rental property is secure and the amount I pay is low, so I will stay here for as long as I can.  

I started trying to help my Dad move into his new place and pack a few boxes last Friday I travelled out from Exeter to Crediton. My only problem was I had picked up a cold probably from work and my voice box had packed up on me so had to screech my destination to the driver on each bus I was travelling on. I did not feel too unwell but my voice box was knackered. I took a Covid-19 rapid flow test to just to be sure I had not picked up Covid-19 and that came back as me being in the clear.

I then spent much of my weekend back in my lovely warm flat sleeping off my cold non covid-19 lurgy until this morning when I needed to join my Dad again for the actual moving out of property day to help direct the removal men to which box was going in which room in the new flat. This went well, and I feel a lot better in myself now and less worried for my Dad so I hope he settles into his new home.

Mother on the other hand although has sold her old home and bought a new one to move into will be moving into rented accommodation in December or January as the property that she is moving into will not be finished until June.

So that moving thing will be going on twice for her and no doubt I will have something to do with some parts of her move too. On the plus side the property she has bought to move into in June is a lovely house in a lovely village.

One thing over the weekend that kept on making me think my illness can’t be Covid-19 was that I did not lose my sense of taste although with everything happening all at the same time I do have to report I did lose my sense of humour, though I am pleased to report is coming back again now.

Supergrass – Moving

Taking a little time out

Well I am just coming to the end of a week off work, had an eclectic mix of things that I have done, went and caught up with some friends that I have not seen in over a year at a barbeque I made time to sort my home out a little too, taking out some stuff to the recycling centre and also some charity donations to the Oxfam shop.

Also made time to go to a friend’s birthday which was a great quite night in a local bar on a Monday where said friend was running around in a dinosaur suit, I have not laughed that much in a long time, a good night was had by all.  

Kyle’s Birthday Suit!

So I will be back in work tomorrow and a little nervous because I am so darn tired today and have not left the flat since Thursday. I have no idea why I am so darn tired. It’s been a great week though.

I have not lost any weight this week though but I think that is down to the drinking of Guinness on a couple of nights out and also eating larger meal sizes than I have been used to of late. I did not put any weight on also which is good.

Still in two minds presently about the unlocking of lockdown, it’s lovely for us all to be catching up with people we have not seen for a long time and also be just around people in general. But you just hope that the vaccines continue to work their magic and we get on top of the virus in the long term.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions!

Well what can I say other than there is so much to say, so little I want to express and so little time to express it within.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions

The saying means to emphasize that you must not simply intend to behave well but you must act according to your intentions, because you will have problems or be punished if you do not

So many stupidly horribly wrong things going on in the world at the beating heart of all great powers across the world right now, by allegedly wiser people than us common folk.

Trump in USA is in denial about Covid-19 and still refuses to wear a mask, maybe it will cause his makeup to run. Putin the wannabe Tsar of Russia is busy stitching up, yet more elections for himself, the man is poison. Xi Jinping in China has decided not only is the principle of free speech and democracy no longer relevant to his own citizens in China but it is now decreed that Hong Kong has lost the right to free speech, self determination and other vaules that make us mere mortals feel safe to sleep at night.

I sometimes fear or question Gods sincerity towards us puny humans. Or think that he has a deeply wicked sense of humour with which humanity is either the butt of the joke or the punch line. My point being Putin and Xi ridicule democracy as a failed way of working because the result being you get a Donald Trump in power a TV host who has now gotten so board of the job of President even he has now stopped reading his own tweets due to the piss poor job he is doing.

Putin on the other hand is a state sponsored gangster. He knows he is a hardcore fucknutt who cares about no one but himself and how long he can personally stay in power. His so called democracy is a sham. He knows it, we know it and those that vote for him know in to power know it to. He genuinely gives the impression that he is holding on long enough for the Russian state to invent immortality for their Russian Puttiny Tsar. Once he declares himself immortal he will probably decide that even then Russia no longer needs to believe in democratic rule of law either. There is no line Putin won’t cross no, no deed he won’t do in order to remain in power. The recent reports of the Russian state sanctioning paying of the Taliban in order to kill US soldiers is only one example of the depravity of the man that is Putin.

Song Coolio – Gangsta’s Paradice

Xi Jinping has also from today decreed that anyone in Honk Kong wishing to advocate through peaceful process the right to have democracy and free rule from China is now likely to risk being sentenced to life in prison. What an absolute bastard of a man. The amount of so called well educated state apologists actually having the gaul to stand up and defend this nonsense on TV today was astonishing.

So these three super powered stooges are the most powerful humans on earth with a trigger happy finger on a nuclear button. I hold more compassion in my little finger than they have shown to their fellow citizens since the time they came to office. The Self-interest that existed within these three souls on this earth who though marked for greatness in the eyes of our world and for the potential good they could do for all because of the positions of power and responsibility that they find themselves occupying is simply squandered and wasted in their hands and their ancestors must be turning over in their graves. Like I said near the beginning of this little post God must have a wicked sense of humour!   

The Three stoges – Slaps, Smacks and Pokes

To be offended does not make you right

To me a ‘Good’ Joke will not only provide information and insight into the comedian but also why and when the audience member laughs provides insight into that member of the audience.

Comedy may be divided into multiple genres based on the source of humor, the method of delivery, and the context in which it is delivered.

These classifications overlap, and most comedians can fit into multiple genres. For example, deadpan comics often fall into observational comedy, or into black comedy or blue comedy to contrast the morbidity, or offensiveness of the joke with a lack of emotion.

Planes Trains & Automobiles – Going the Wrong Way

Ricky Gervais Talks Offensive Comedy

GenreDescriptionNotable examples
Alternative comedyDiffers from traditional punchline jokes which features many other forms of comedy such as observation, satire, surrealism, slapstick and improvisation. In its content, Alternative Comedy emerged as a counter to the establishment entertainment figures from the previous generation: It was often cited for its disregard to established comedic movements and ranged from the surreal to slapstick, usually with a combination of both.Tony Allen, Alexei Sayle, Mark Steel, Dan Harmon, Dave Gorman, Linda Smith, Jeremy Hardy, Ron Sparks, Alan Davies, Ben Elton, Jo Brand, Stewart Lee, Sean Hughes, Rik Mayall, Adrian Edmonson, Malcolm Hardee, Kristen Schaal, Kevin McAleer, Simon Munnery, Arthur Smith, Arnold Brown, Robert Newman, Kenny Sebastian
Black comedy or dark comedyDeals with disturbing subjects such as death, drugs, terrorism, rape, and war; can sometimes be related to the horror movie genreRichard Tyler Blevins (Ninja), Jim Norton, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Dave Chappelle, Frankie Boyle, Jimmy Carr, Louis C.K., Denis Leary, Monty Python, Richard Pryor, Ricky Gervais, George Carlin, Chris Rush, Mike Ward, Penn & Teller, Joseph Dale, Seth MacFarlane, Christopher Titus, Sacha Baron Cohen, Trey Parker/Matt Stone, Quentin Tarantino, David Cross, Peter Kay, Anthony Jeselnik, Daniel Tosh, Seth Rogen/Evan Goldberg, Bobcat Goldthwait, Brendon Burns, Mark Normand
Surreal comedyA form of humor based on bizarre juxtapositions, absurd situations, and nonsense logicSpike Milligan, Jay Kogen, Eddie Izzard, J. Stewart Burns, Ross Noble, Bill Bailey, Brent Butt, The Mighty Boosh, Steven Wright, Eric Andre, Trey Parker, Monty Python, Seth MacFarlane, David X. Cohen, Vic and Bob, The Goodies, Jack Handey, Derek Drymon, Wallace Wolodarsky, Harry Hill, The Kids in the Hall, Conan O’Brien, Tim and Eric, Paul Merton, Million Dollar Extreme, Mitch Hedberg, Firesign Theatre, Shaun Micallef, Emo Philips, Hans Teeuwen, Tony Law, Chic Murray

President threatens to cut off own nose!

“Cutting off the nose to spite the face” is an expression to describe a needlessly self-destructive over-reaction to a problem: “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face” is a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage oneself more than the object of one’s anger.

So President Trump claims wrongly the following in a fecking tweet!

Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump·….Twitter is completely stifling FREE SPEECH, and I, as President, will not allow it to happen!

The morons over reaction are to then, yep you have guessed it; threaten to shut down free speech. In other words. He claims he will do the very thing he is upset about. He claims they are stifling his FREE SPEECH so his reaction is to stifle everyone’s free speech. What a moron. It’s like he says because you will no longer entitle me to blatantly lie on social media then I isn’t going to let the world use social media.

Can you imagine the shit storm that would cause if he somehow tried to do what the moron is threatening? It would be most amusing.

His devil’s would most certainly be in his detail.

The devil is in the detail

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to navigationJump to search

Look up devil is in the details in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.

“The devil is in the detail” is an idiom that refers to a catch or mysterious element hidden in the details,[1] meaning that something might seem simple at a first look but will take more time and effort to complete than expected[2] and derives from the earlier phrase, “God is in the detail” expressing the idea that whatever one does should be done thoroughly; i.e. details are important.[1]

Red Dwarf sneak peak

Well it’s 5:51 here in the UK on Monday morning had a busy working weekend whilst stil trying to relax and have a break.

Still preparing a list of village halls mapped across Devon I have got up to 343 community buildings across 343 locations and still more to do. About 15 hours work on weekend altogether with some great results. Really want to visit many of the places on the list once lockdown is over.

So having a cuppa and just watching this very funny Red Dwarf preview. Hope you enjoy too.

So I managed to update this site myself this time with out getting my friends help. You have no idea how many mistakes I make when trying to do IT stuff, or smeg ups you might say.

Red Dwarf XI – Smeg Ups

I’m a dyslexic digital muppet

I find it so hard to navigate and spell my words properly on my website I normally publish a page first and then edit it after the event (what a muppet). I have found designing and navigating the page so dam frustrating. I paid a friend to add some structure to my site he is a web designer and it is keeping it looking presentable for now. Just been linking a new Facebook page to this site.

Well as I last looked at the clock it was 03:34 so time for bed now.

Good night thank you for reading. See you later litigator or should that have been alligator? Who knows like I say spelling bad visual word journey good.