Blooming Nora what a morning. I decided to update my bank account details so that I get paper accounts from them again. You try going back from digital to paper and its an absolute nightmare. I just think it’s a win win. If the paper comes from sustainable forests, then the printers have something to print, the woodlands have economic value to their wood. Also the Postman has something to post to me.

Plus I am forgetting what my login details are for my bank account so when I buy a new computer and move it to a new web browser such as Brave (which I highly recommend along with Firefox as a backup to log you in when Brave wont work) Microscum or Googly digital data sharing means are just to dam big and we should never have a monopoly supplier in the digital world because if your account gets hacked or your phone or computer hacked they have access to everything, yes I know scary or what.

So I tried moving back to paper billing with my bank and the dam thing locked me out. I had a message to say phone customer service to change password, which I did I asked them if I could keep my password and they said no and the only way to change it was online. SMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEGggg HEADDDddds

That is a Red Dwarf reference of Kriten trying to swear if your not familiar. The first episode of that programme is entitled the end! How odd. It’s a very funny show.

So I know have bank papers to deliver to my home plus a change of my digital password.

Then went to the newpaper shop to get again your smart thsi morning a newspaper. Independent for Saturday and Sunday today.

Also went to bakers and again to get some baked goods they were still selling hot cross buns so grabbed a pack.

On my way back I saw some graffiti.

Then when walking back to my home just round the corner from the graffiti I saw this cheeky little monster.

I went and had a closer look and well what do you know.

Well Exeter is not in favor of the minions expressing themselves.

Vive La Revolution down wit the Digital Dictator!!! On the battle of Living organisms I’m a manic organic not a digital death dealer!!!

A late update to this post. This is a rare close up of my bro look at those eyes so soulful and magical.

I am in contact with so many people at the moment, through this website, the phone, Email, YouTube, Facebook LinkedIn & finally my favorite which is Twitter (an awesomely powerful means of networking) I have also been search for some more images of my brother Andrew and found some little gems. I’m doing this as a journal for me and my family really, so long as I have money to pay for this website then I honor his memory and express my perception on this crazy little rock called earth. So for as long as I can afford to pay for this site his image can be seen down here among us earthlings as we warm are hearts around a digital fire that is the World Wide Web of Dreams, Hope and Fears.

Here is Andy at Poldark mine where he used to do Ghost Tours and paranormal investigations.

We sorted out some other photos of him and me too when we were growing up.

1) Twp – Hang on a minute, there are no vowels in that word I hear you cry. Well, the ‘w’ is pronounced like the ‘oo’ in ‘look’ and it is a nice way of calling someone daft or stupid.

              Example: “Don’t be so twp.” (tuts furiously)

2) Tidy – One of my least favourite of the Swansea/welsh sayings but it simply cannot go unmentioned. Britons everywhere know it to mean ‘clean’ ‘ship-shapely’ ‘ordered’ but here in Swansea it means something or someone is good.

             Example: “You’re coming to the gig tomorrow night in Uplands? Tidy.” 

2) Whose coat is that jacket? – A phrase meaning ‘Whose coat is this?’ – but we Swansea folk like to make sure you understood exactly what we were talking about by saying it twice. Tidy.

4) Cwtch –  A classic. One that is slowly but surely creeping over the border into England. Embrace it. It’s lush. It’s closest translation would be ‘a really warm, meaningful, special, heartfelt hug that make everything better.’

              Example: “Aww come here for a cwtch”

5) Tamping – …Raging, fuming. It means mad. Really mad.

             Example: “I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes in the cowin’ rain.

                              I’m absolutely tamping”.

6) Mun – This one doesn’t really have a meaning. It is more of a noise or word that people say after a sentence, usually depicting a sense of impatience or emphasis.

             Example: “Hurry up mun, we’re going to be late!”   

                              “Don’t ask me I dunno mun!”

7) Now in a minute – This is a baffling one to anyone outside of Wales. We aren’t even sure why we say it ourselves. It just doesn’t make sense. It contradicts itself. Do you mean now? or in a minute? It is used when someone is asked to do something/be somewhere and they are going to go right now, but also they might not show up for a bit longer.

             Example: “I’ll be there now in a minute, mun!”

8) Hanging – Gross, disgusting.

             Example: “That’s hanging that is”.

9) Butt – This is not a reference to a part of the body. Oh no. This is what you call a dear friend, a pal, a buddy.

             Example: “Fancy a pint later, Butt?” – Yes, yes we do.

10) Lush – Variations include ‘Cowing lush’. This is a super duper Swansea word which you will hear being used very often. It means, well, lush and it can be used for absolutely anything.

              Example: “He’s well lush.”   “His new puppy is so lush”.

11) Like – Another difficult one to explain. You will hear a lot of Swansea-folk adding the word ‘like’ onto the end of their sentences. The best way to describe it is probably a stalling tactic or to fill an awkward pause.

             Example: “I like him like, I just dunno like, if I really like, like him, like.” – Makes perfect sense.

12) Cheers Drive – Every bus or taxi driver in Swansea’s name is ‘Drive’. Use this when exiting the vehicle. It is polite and quite frankly, expected.

             Example: “Cheers Drive!”

Thank you to the strangers on here that like and support what I try to do, I can’t ever explain how personal this all is but I feel this is my voice this is my time and if I do not speak a life might be lost and I am a greedy soul I want to help as many as I can. The internet has been like an echo chamber for me where I can scream and shout to people and for my thoughts and views to light up like a righteous fire that burns like a brightness that this world has not seen for many a year. I feel like I’m burning with ideas and visions and desperately trying to get them off my chest at this difficult time for all.

I am so angry but happy at the same time that I have been given this choice in time to say my truths. I’m so angry that someone has not said what I am saying before I was born on this planet that makes me fume so much. But happy in that I am here to help consider me a second class option to the one you really wanted.

Right now I get a lot of solace comfort from the friends that I live, work rest and play with back up in the real world which I am presently along with about 75% of the population in lock down from. As well as the love from of my family. Most other people just don’t really know me and think me mad, stupid or close to death.

I really do think this planet is a slave to itself and a little light of positive awakening through my psychosis at a time of strife and destiny for the planet can only be a good thing. A beacon is now lit and some want to stand in the flames and feel the burn, other are afraid to look or pretend it is not there or just stick their head up their own arse instead of looking themselves in the mirror and standing by their own truths and others are afraid that I am a psycho monster.

I know instead of the hard-work that it is going to take to shape a world worth living for we could ask your God to get a magic wand out and start firing fire-bolt’s from his arse because that seems like the right-thing to do now.

Today as I held my phone in my hand I wanted to phone my brother and tell him what I was up to and that I wanted him to tell him to take care and that I loved him. I could also tell him what little battles I had won and what ones I hoped to take on tomorrow, my brother was much more selfless than me and for that I am in awe of still to this day. He would be so proud of me and loving too. If he could see how I was doing today with holding a job down, keeping a roof over my head, having good friends and having a future to look forward to. He has seen me stair into the abyss many a time when we grew up together and the more angry and expressive I became the funnier he would find me because he knew he had my back.

He got married to a women and they through the good grace of God have a child, that child was the most important being in this world to my brother and I hope he knows that one day. Sadly it did not work out between my brother and his wife and so they divorced resulting in one of the most painful experiences in my brothers short life.

My brother had a hotline to God, I shit you not. He could see spirits walking around in the material realm those that had died who possibly were unaware they were dead or liked to stay down here and play with us humies. My brother also told me of a time when he astroprojected his being to check up on someone he cared about wanted to see what they were up to, that scarred the crap out of me and although its not something I can do myself I knew that all these things he experienced were completely true for my brother was my brother and never lied to me.

In that token I fear I have most humies at a disadvantage because even though I cannot and hope never to be able to do these magic tricks that my brother did I know that the fact that he could do them meant they were real and therefore I know there is a supernatural force out there I do not require, proof, faith or even dare I say hope.

I hope my brother is now in heaven for he lived his life as a good man and always nurtured my soul, had my back and would do anything asked for by me. Alas due to his violent suicide I do not know if God will allow him into heaven. Although thanks to one of my Catholic uncles he had a mass held for my brother or had the Priest pray for my brother once he was dead I forget which now it was a few years ago and my memory is not good at the best of times.

I just tried to look up a Catholic prayer for the dead online for my brother and have read and found the one below.

 Prayer for the Dead

1. Catholic Online

• Prayers

God our Father,
Your power brings us to birth,
Your providence guides our lives,
and by Your command we return to dust.

Lord, those who die still live in Your presence,
their lives change but do not end.
I pray in hope for my family,
relatives and friends,
and for all the dead known to You alone.

In company with Christ,
Who died and now lives,
may they rejoice in Your kingdom,
where all our tears are wiped away.
Unite us together again in one family,
to sing Your praise forever and ever.

Amen

Due to the nature and circumstances of his death the prayer does not give peace or comfort to me for I believe in my heart of hearts he should, could and would have still been here today should he have made a better choice and as I am such a persuasive person myself I believe I could have had a chance of saving his life. The people with him that night fought and battled and were bruised in there efforts to fight for his life. My weapons would have been words and tears to stop him in his moment of madness and there is a chance that I could have stopped his death.

So the conundrum is as they say in the Schrödinger’s cat hypothosis which is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox, devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935, though the idea originated from Albert Einstein. It illustrates what he saw as the problem of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics applied to everyday objects. The determination of fate, predictability and predetermination.

Was he meant to die that night, could I have stopped him and is he now in heaven or hell?

He is still my inspiration to this day and I fear or look forward to how deep down the rabbit whole of life I can go as I honor his unfortunate departure to death until we meet again my only brother.

Just joined my first team meeting for Devon Communities Together we were all talking from work and went really well. I joined them by landline phone while they all plugged into zoom. A friend of mine has advised me not to use Zoom due to it’s hackabilty so I am just buzzing in from my landline phone to the meeting.

So good to talk to colleagues that know me as just a regular normal Joe to be ignored and sometimes listened to as they see fit. I have a meeting with our chief exec this afternoon about our communications network that we have built up to defend people from Corona19 and also from Corona19 disinformation the knowledge force-field we have implemented seems to be currently holding its own under the relentless attach of waives of negativity.

Have a tune to play for someone that I like that does not even know I exist. Ho hum, shit happens.