Well this month has been a strange one some nice things happened but some strange emotions and stressful times experienced too and I guess the January blues have just slowly creeped up on me as the month has gone on. I am normally good at providing support to others but not great at receiving support or asking for it myself. I often find it better to write about stress and challenges after the event when I have processed the event and come to terms with it myself.
I had just booked a week off over Christmas which did not feel long enough and then I booked off another week in the 3rd week of January. That was nice and relaxing but felt quite out of my depth when coming back to work, which had got busy and I started back with a very early start after a night of not sleeping well. There were things I had to try and deal with that were stressful and challenging as soon as I walked back through the door into the office. I am hoping that February will bring in a little more calmness, stability and cheer but there will be hard work ahead too.
I get restless sometimes at this time of year and want to try changing things that I don’t think are working or healthy for me.
The world is forever changing, for some this presents opportunities and for some it presents threats. It is not just about what is happening but it is about how you perceive it to be happening or how you are informed or misinformed on what is going on.
With increased technological developments taking place as well as a communications network like none ever developed on our planet prior to the last 20 years with the internet, TV and telecommunications. We can now see, hear and be informed within seconds or minutes of developments on earth that we might never have been informed about or might have possibly only learned about after the event years later in history books or documentaries.
So our means of communicating changes has changed as well. Our climate is also changing, as again to our ability to be informed of those changes. We were not always aware of big earthquakes, volcanoes, storms and hurricanes affecting places around the globe. But now with 24 hour news it’s very much a news filler item to watch the suffering of others around the globe in these horrific condition and not only that but due to global climate chaos they are actually happening more frequently too.
Industrialisation of work force and artificial intelligence developments making AI better than humans at doing jobs we once thought we could do for life? So not only do we have to worry about will we earn enough to be attractive and provide for another partner or family, we now could end up finding that our career passion the job we love doing is ultimately not able to be done by us any more and has been outsourced to a PC or machine of some other type.
So these issues are happening and one main inevitability is that change is constant and continuous, you cannot stop change from happening but you can engage to what is changing and reflect on it, accommodate it, do your best to manage it in your life or try to understand it and how it effects you.
One way I get my head around understanding changes going on in the political world is by supporting and advocating for changes I want to see by joining a political party such as the Green Party, or becoming a member of a charity such as Moor Trees. Though my contributions may be small in the scheme of things, they still matter and contributing to a bigger picture for potential positive change in a way I would like the world around me to be shaped. Change is not always negative and great and beautiful things do come into this world when changes are able to be made and realised.
Another way to perhaps be aware of change and understand how it affects you is to read, listen and watch news articles and stories. Though not always a pleasant thing to do and best not to put your interpretations all into one basket of news sources but to take from a variety of sources. The newspaper review on BBC news or UK Sky (Not Murdock owned or dictated to news) can be informative when they discuss the next days headlines with some interpretations of what those headlines are. I tend to find the more you just listen to one persons perspective though the more chance you have of being misinformed, manipulated or indoctrinated into another’s view when its far more important to try and think for yourself.
One final little point is regarding if the world is changing for better or worse are we at the end of time? Or the end of days or is an apocalypse around our corner. Well I hope not but again that’s just a matter of opinion. People have feared, expected or written about living in the end of days, a war that will end all war or Armageddon being around the corner for thousands of years in religious circles and I can only assume if you believe in a certain deity then you have also had to be prepared that it’s only a matter of time before they call last orders at the global bar and closing time on all earth, man and existence as we know it. If you don’t believe in said god then you will alternatively think that’s an impossibility of a God that does not exist to call time on something that they have no power over because they are not here to do it! Finally on this point about whether we could be entering a time of growth, goodness, fear or darkness.
Well I don’t believe in a god that could destroy its own creation as a promise it made to its people. I don’t believe in a god that puts some people on the side of being good people due to where or who they were born from or came from and others on the side of evil due to where they were born or who they were born from or came from. I really just don’t accept that the god I pray to, believe in or work for and live by could be so narrow minded! The god I believe in is not fighting for Armageddon against an inherent enemy but fighting for justice for all of life and creation.
So it is 12 nights before Christmas day, lots going on in Exeter with the build up to Christmas we are having a ‘Christmas breakfast’ tomorrow for work colleagues, rather than an organised Christmas night out, I think the boss is afraid to meet up with too many staff that have had too many drinks in case they have a go at him, so he’s chickened out of allowing us to have a Christmas staff night out this year.
The world has some potential good news for a change and a little unexpected too with nations at COP28 the UN climate summit agreeing for the first time to take explicit aim at the use of fossil fuels. The talks in Dubai came close to collapse but in a dramatic turn-around, nations agreed to “transition away” from coal, oil and gas.
But my mood for the night is one of contemplation for the past, present and future. Sorry to be brief but sometimes a much needed mulching over of my minds view, thoughts and feelings are much needed and this just so happens to be one of those times.
Yep it’s true on the plus side I am one more step closer to being an adult and on the downside it’s err true I am one more step closer to being an adult.
I must admit my collection of books is and has always been very eclectic mix for example I have a book of poems from a great local Exeter Poet called Steve Carnell – who a while back used to do the open mic circuit and read out his awesome poems on great drunken lad’s nights out he is an awesome guy and once close friend –but as times move on so did he.
Book of Poems called the 23rd Mojo by Steve Carnell
The next wonderful human that I know or knew who wrote another awesome book is the lovely Barbara Haddrill – She wrote an eco travel book called Babs to Brisbane about her eco travel to of all places Brisbane in order to be a bridesmaid at her friend’s wedding. Babs is such a wonderful talented and inspirational person.
Babs to Brisbane by Barbara Haddrill
My next book is not by someone I know but I think the front cover title changed and influenced my entire life from the day that I read it to this. It’s called ‘The only planet of choice’ – it’s at the very least a mind opening spiritual and philosophical fantasy concerning the evolution of earth, you, me and the universe – the choices that we make and how they impact on everyone and everything and ripple through time and space and at most it is something so much more than that!
My next book was a gift from my mum to make my book collection look a little more sensible and again adult like. It’s called RSPB Handbook of British Birds. I found it very handy when trying to identify the birds along my street and on my bird table during lockdown back in the old days of covid lockdown times.
My fiaal book that I am showing is a dream dictionary and I have a few of these but this is by far my favourite one which is by Russell Grant and is his Illustrated Dream Dictionary. I’m on my second copy of this book now as the first fell apart from me waking up too many times in the middle of the night and grabbing it and quickly trying to see what it thought about my dreams and then chucking it back on the floor when I had finished and went back to sleep. To this day I swear I am not sure if one of those darn dreams or nightmares has come true yet! But it was always interesting to read the interpretation and Russell Grant always put a positive spin on dreams and nightmares’ which from an early age I have found comforting.
Oh well onwards and upwards. Well speaking of onwards and upwards or flashing outwards with less brightness I think my TV might be on the blink and the back light might be about to give out – looks like another adult purchase might be on the cards – oh bugger, TV Don’t go dark on me just yet.
You must first define who does a government consider to be the people or more precisely ‘it’s people’. It’s citizens that live within it’s boarders? it’s voters that elected it into power? It’s own politicians that vote through its laws and or its own financial backers that fund campaigns and promote voting habits or those that profit from the decisions that it makes and advocate the policies it enacts? Sadly in the UK for many years now there has been an overwhelming consensus of opinion from those in power or promoted by those who influence and determine the policies of those in power to simply make choices that are cost saving to them, whilst at the expense of the people and results in profiteering at the expense of people, whilst decreasing quality of the goods and assets and services for people of the UK, whilst continuing to charge more for those ever decreasing quality of goods, services and assets.
A considerable proportion of people in the UK can no longer look forward to getting educated, to have a job, to buy a home and a roof over our head and then one day retire. There are no longer the quantity or quality of homes, and we no longer have the backup of a strong government to support us in providing decent water, homes, roads or medical services to us. What we receive now in all aspects of goods and services is of a poorer quality that it was prior to when the conservatives came to power in the UK and yes this is a political and policy lead problem very much caused as a result of the government decision making processes no longer working in the interest of the people but for the profiteering of the few.
This country and its people is experiencing the perfect storm of greed and incompetence, where it is perceived to not only be necessary and good in corporate and capitalist orthodoxy and that there is no alternative to exploitive capitalist ventures being only way of doing things.
This is a political view and economic choice done in order to grease the wheels of the economy and the system so as to get what can be done, done. To say this is the only way is a lie and a profitable one at that, which politicians that profit from this system tell themselves, tell us and tell those that do their bidding or profit themselves from what is being done.
A simple example of how exploiting others works well in the UK for people in power at the expense of the people and is designed to succeed over delivering a good service to the many and profit to the few. I moved into my housing association over 15 years ago and in that time it and many other housing associations have been bought up and by bigger more profitable housing associations.
What makes them bigger and more profitable is to do less work to their tenants housing stock, the less you do the more money you have to spend and can be seen to be a more profitable housing association. The more money you have means you can buy up smaller housing associations. Therefore do less and buy more puts your competitors out of business and makes you too big to be bought yourself. The quality of service to the housing tenants decreases as the profits to the associations increases. My first housing association had a community housing officer that helped me get a job assisted with me getting shoes and clothing to attend an interview which I got and was a win, win for all concerned.
A second example of a failing normal everyday inadequate, under delivering incompetent public good is that of the UK water utilities and their failure to clean up water pollution and profiteering at the expense of the people. Water utilities have been providing money to share holders whilst failing to cleanup our waterways or future proofing water sector. It’s more profitable and economical to pay money out to share holders and pay out fines for pollution that it is to spend the money on cleaning up on said waterways in the first place and then being able to sell shares in a clean and working water industry. Government bodies designed to monitor and fine waterways are too weak in order to force water companies to change to do what they should have been doing all along which is providing clean water to customers and through clean waterways. The failing current model of delivery and service is a politically sanctioned choice that fails the people but works for water companies and government bodies and decision makers and profiteers.
Purely focusing on profit at the top as a business model only, fails society and fails to join the dots of the whole economy or social structure that it operates within. For example legislating to have housing association that can enable its tenants to take the next step after having a roof put over their heads to make steps towards going into employment so as to be able to fund that roof over their heads themselves is priceless and as a service to tenants should not be priced out of the housing model. With regard to our waterways having clean and usable rivers and beaches is so health for the people and wildlife that use those waterways (and sadly as this is not reflected on the profit sheets of a water utility they see no gain to themselves to provide this service effectively) But the costs of not cleaning up the environment for our wildlife and for people that cannot use their polluted areas are not on anyone’s costs and balances spreadsheets.
I always want to express the view that it pays to be kind, it is cost effective to care and that it is short sighted not to care and ultimately we all pay the price when no one cares both politically and personally.
If the UK is designed to be run down or at breaking point in the eyes of its own citizens or getting worse by the day then it is easier for politicians here to pedal their lies that we should not help those from abroad if we live in such a crap country that cannot help itself. If we were well governed we would no longer have our own countries government acting incompetently as an excuse to not help others.
Last week there were and still are a number of ongoing difficulties affecting people that I care a great deal about and there have been some real tragedies and sadness as well as financial difficulties and obstacles affecting friends in and around Exeter – some of those troubles might be sorted overnight some might take a lifetime to be worked upon (or what feels like a lifetime anyway).
I hope those of you going though difficulties at this time know that you are loved, respected and admired for doing your best and trying your hardest to do what you can do with all you have.
I just want to say you are not alone, have never been alone and with the friendship and family you have and with the strength and depth of your characters you can do and be what you choose to do and be.
My brother had a Native American spirit guide that would assist and guide him in both times of peace and chaos and I love the concepts that I read about Native American culture, philosophy and music and with that in mind I try to express how I feel about loved ones and friends today through there perceptions beliefs and below music too.
Yeha-Noha (Wishes of happiness and prosper) – Sacred Spirit
So I went to karaoke last Thursday and sang some songs that I had never sung before, I also sang a song that I had sung before but did it much better this time. Due to a number of reasons I had a mixture of emotions while singing but I hope I did the songs justice. Sadly Sinead O’Connor had just passed away a day before, so I tried to sing ‘Nothing Compares to You’, a song in honour of her passing.
Two of the most empowering and awesome female singers in the world and from Ireland are now no longer with us that is Dolores O’Riordan former lead singer of the Cranberries and also of course Sinead O’Connor, they and their sweet sounding musical talent will be sorely missed and I also sang for the first time ‘No Need to Argue’ by the Cranberries which went down well too. The bar was quite, which I like when it is like that I feel like I’m singing to friends on nights like that.
I never got to see the Cranberries or Sinead O’Conner sing live, I assume that they have not sung in the South West of England that often or if they did it would have been at Glastonbury in a year I was not at the festival. With regard to Irish bands that I have seen though I got to see The Waterboys briefly sing at a race course on the outskirts of Dublin once, they even sang ‘Whole of the Moon’ with the moon out and visible, it was a really special time to be there too.
I’m still here got through the working day, I have had a wobble or three and can’t say it has not been hard. But I am ok, had been very busy, lots of responsibilities, trying to do the right thing, say the right thing and act in the right way. Emotions been a little all over the place today too and still are tonight with things happening outside of work which I am trying to process too, about how I am feeling and why I feel like I do. Tonight I’m doing my best to keep it all together, chill, recharge my batteries and prepare for tomorrows storms too.
So I have had a much needed wonderful restful weekend after a busy week. Yesterday I also attended the wedding night of one of my colleagues. What a great time with good people at a lovely venue for a celebration of a wonderful couples union.
Tomorrow gets busy though and more complicated, in work a great deal of staff are either on holiday, have left permanently or are being trained up to assist in supporting team members more. I need to try and reach out to others to get help tomorrow as I am well out of my depth with having too much on at the moment, but there are kind people that should and can help out if I ask.
I think I might have slept too much today and have too much on my mind tonight to sleep well. So much is going on in life at the moment and the world is certainly spinning madly on. I get nervous at times like this, reflective and anxious but try to enjoy the good moments as well as fear what might go wrong while hoping to work towards what could go right too.
I have been having to look at moderating my online profile at present, removing my work details from Facebook, changing my online profile on LinkedIn and still working out what to have on my blog pages. There are a few things that have come to head.
Firstly due to the work I do on the phones for the public authority I work for, I sometimes speak to unpleasant and aggressive people and I was concerned that I do not exactly want them to know more about me than perhaps I need to say to them and not make it too easy to find out more about me online too.
In the past on my blog I have talked about, my and other peoples mental health, my relationships and the lack of them, my family, my work and my views on political points across the UK and globe as well as Covid, gee Covid remember that little pandemic thing that went on.
I had a run in with someone over the phone recently at work, who was trying to get a rise out of me and make me feel uncomfortable and angry and also implied the use of threats and violence if they ever to meet me in real life.
It was a ridicules situation to be involuntarily drawn into. It just made me think that I really don’t want someone as cruel and unpleasant as that to have any means of working out who I am, who my friends and family are and heaven forbid where I live. Also with work having brought in new guidelines on what I can or cannot discus about my workplace into play, which I am still none the wiser on I also thought it a good idea to again moderate my online content.
It was also a grim and sorry sort of guessing game played across Britain last week: who was the mystery BBC broadcaster who had reportedly paid £35,000 to a young person in exchange for sexual images? By Tuesday the field of suspects had narrowed, as horrified presenters, misidentified in social media posts, attempted to distance themselves. Then on Wednesday 12th July came the announcement from his poor wife that the hidden man at the centre of this tabloid newspaper storm was Huw Edwards, the BBC’s lead news anchor, whose calm and authoritative voice had announced the death of the Queen.
I was out on my birthday night out waiting for my friends to arrive and meet me when people were coming into the pub and talking about Huw Edwards. I quickly looked at my phone and started reading the stories coming in to the World Wide Web. Normally since as long as I can remember when I have told strangers that my name is Huw Edwards, more often than not I would get a positive response and they would reply something along the line of ‘ah as in the news reader’ now due to what he is beign accused of, or what he might have or speculated to have done or because of the fact that he is sitting in a mental health hospital, all that has now changed and potentially forever. I don’t know what people will think of him in future or therefore possibly try and say to me.
Everything about what he has done, what people think he has done and what people think he should do next is all speculation and unsubstantiated, if you are reading this from somewhere else around the world and want to find out more just type in to Google Huw Edwards BBC, though if you want a fair and honest perception of what is going on do not look up the news on Huw Edwards from a Rupert Murdock owned publication as that mans journalism outputs are poison on a piece of paper and should be called a piece of misinformation rather than a piece of news.
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