Well as I write this its 18:10 and my brain in the last few days has become more silent. I am not saying that less horrible things are happening in this world or that I could not quickly find something terrible to tell you or terribly good for that matter.
But as for my ability or will to write about them now has diminished (for now). I have been working in my day job since lock down and am due to start my new job on the 13th July.
I have been preparing for this next chapter of my life. By walking into the city, shopping in the city and wearing my mask when I get the bus. But throughout all this preparation my will and ability to express myself on here has decreased.
It would be nice if the job goes well, covid-19 is defeated and politicians do the right thing by the whole of humanity and not just for their own pockets of supporters or potential supporters. I tend to criticise those in power the most because they are ultimately the ones that can actually save lives and make sh*t happen. The ones out of power are just peeing in the wind waiting for their next chance to get into office normally or at least that is how it seems to work in the UK from a shallow perspective.
I hope if you have got this far in reading this that you are well and continue to be well. I really have enjoyed writing every darn word and if you get bored anytime I dare you to look over old posts there is a lot of my heart and soul that has gone into making this thing.
I will try and continue to post on here but like I say my mind has become more silent of late and I don’t yet know what that means but it feels like a positive necessity to heal or recharge my batteries.
Before I went to bed yesterday I knew I was struggling and looking for guidance and so I picked up two books looking for help but with the views that I hold and the hopes that mean so much to me I could find no inspiration from the pages that I turned to.
I feel a little burnt out at the moment running on an emptying can of gas. Not quite arrived at my destination but knowing that in order to get anywhere now there is no turning back. I have no idea about my final destination it’s rumoured it might be nice. But so long as it gives me comfort and a rest I know I will be fine.
So I have the start date of my new job now July baby here I come. I am trying to set things straight in my old job and make sure my colleagues know how to do the job I have been doing before I leave.
I am very nervous about what lies ahead not just for me and whether I will be able to do the new job (as I feel a little damaged from what has happened this year). But also nervous about the whole Covin-19 future and how that will shape out.
I always hope that each day the world gets a little kinder, a little bit of a better place for souls to be born into and live and die. But sometimes you just don’t know if that is a mirage or really happening.
That kind of sums up where I am too at the moment don’t know if it really is getting better or just a mirage in which I am waiting for the next thing to happen.
I have become obsessed and passionate about ecocide and rewilding since lockdown in my bubble. Globally there are many areas of wildlife that can be rewilded and enable the eco-defence shield and buffering of Mother Nature or earth, but the re-establishment of wildlife areas and prevention of the dismantlement of what is still left is in no way a certainty. It must be advocated for, worked for and potentially managed. The costs of not doing this are far greater than any cost spent to achieve it.
I strongly believe that by protecting the future of the land and seas we protect the future of man and without the land and seas there is no future.
There is a strong rebirth at the moment into looking to re-evaluate the recent and long-term history of humanity and more specifically an acknowledgment of the slave trade and injustice to ethnic minorities. People are now seekers of truth and justice and wish for a new vision of history and the right to a new and fairer future and society.
Though this change of perspective, thought shift or acknowledgment of pain and a need for healing has come about due to great personal hurt, anger and tragedy. I hope that there is potential for a greater positivity and good to be achieved from this moment in time.
I also feel that as well as looking to the scars and bloodied past of human history we should also look to the scars and bloodied past of the land and sea hence my focus on ecocide and rewilding.
We must though endeavour not to be haunted by our pasts but enlightened by it.