Category: Love

Three ports and a railway

So me and Dad arrived in Ireland yesterday evening, though we nearly did not make it due to our ferry being cancelled because of bad weather.

We set off from Exeter St David’s train station at 7.20am on Wednesday 13th March 2024.

Train from Exeter (It’s too early)
Woken up a little more now!

I’m going to try and get more photos of the trip this holiday I normally try to relax and enjoy the moment and drink too much Guinness and not look like a tourist. But what the heck I’m on holiday and I am a tourist.

So we then headed to Bristol it turns out the Cheltenham horse racing meeting was on too so as we got closer to Cheltenham the train got busier and busier. Luckily for us though we were able to change train at Bristol Temple Meads and head to Swansea in South Wales.

We got to Swansea dad dashed out of train station to smoke a pipe and I walked to the next platform our train to where we were hoping to get a ferry to Ireland from was departing from.

A message then came up saying ferry to Fishguard cancelled. We started worrying about what are options were then and I phoned the ferry company and they told us to get to Fishguard where they would lay on a taxi to Pembrook dock where we could catch a different ferry to rosslare Harbour. So off we went.

Our Ferry from the shore

So we were on the ferry and the waters a bit choppy but Ireland was our destination of choice. There were only 17 walk on passengers on the whole ferry the rest were in cars or lorries. Due to the time of year more people were heading from Ireland to Cheltenham for the races than the other way around.

A pint of Guinness each on the ferry.

We finally arrived at the hotel about 8pm so nearly a 13 hours traveling. It had been a long day and a little stressful not knowing at times how, when or if we would get to Ireland.

First pint on Irish soil was a lemonade.

The hotel that we stayed in on 13 March had a bar and restaurant where we were able to get some gorgeous food and I got my glass of lemonade. My stomach needed settling with some food as all I had ate on the day was a croissant for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch so by 9pm I was needing to eat.

We did make it out to a bar on our favourite part of Wexford where I was able to finally have my first pint in Ireland listen to local musicians play some traditional it was awesome!

We’re off to Cork today where my Dad’s grandfather was born. Dad has never visited Cork so he is really looking forward to going.

Also I nearly forgot to mention that a message came up on my Facebook page to say the 13th March 2000 me and some friends also went to Ireland for 8 days in Dublin. Some 24 years ago. How time flies.

So Spring has sprung

Now in March I hope that spring brings green shoots of optimism and a little bit of budding of new and fresh positivity like from the first sighting of snowdrops to blue bells in fields of raw emotion in woodlands of ages past. Where hope spring eternal and I am pleased to hope that a little bit more of a positive attitude and things to believe in are finally here.

Though life does not unfold like a story written in a book, often enough with chapters of trials leading to happy endings. We still interpret what is happening and write it down to share as if it were a story or as though we have a tale to tell.

One thing I am grateful to discover and am seeing alot at the moment is the value of friendships, in work, within family, at home and socially too from talking , texting, meeting and greeting and sharing moments too.

That lift you up too!

People really have shown compassion, strength of belief in me and support in a way I sometimes don’t expect. Or I sometimes expect to have to cope alone in life or on my own without the support of others, where as in reality to have that support of a call or text at a certain time or a shared drink in a bar or cheering of a song I have sung and assistance with a task in work are all very much valued moments in time which are very much appreciated.  

A rare last min photo of me, late night and scruffy but well its been taken now!

I am very much normally expect to rely on myself, but I have had a number of people remind me that I don’t need to do this all the time and that is comforting to see hear and know. As you get older you might think in some ways you are more alone but I feel if you give life and people a chance and reach out to others there is a chance that they will reach back to you too.  

Fast Changes by Seal

Andy Edwards nearly 9 years since we lost you.

A leap year is now and will always be kind of strange time for me it will never reflect a good or normal year but will always be present with me for as long as I live as a day after the anniversary of my bros death . The thing is my brother departed from his life this world and our planet on the early morning of the 28th of February 2015 and so the first year anniversary of his death was a leap year, so this year is not just an anniversary of his death but an anniversary of another leap year taking place without him or the third lep year to be exact and 9 years in total time since he took his life.

Andy Edwards my bro

I still hate the fact that he felt willing, able and hurt so bad and in some ways determined enough to take his own life. Me and my Dad had headed to my Dads house waiting for my brother to travel up from Cornwall to Devon, the night he took his own life so my Dad could discussing with him how much money he could borrow in order to help him change or turn his life around. Don’t get me wrong he paid his own way and was not broke he just wanted a career change and financial help to help him sort things out and get his career back on track. My brother was worried that his career was at a loose end and he was about to be made redundant from his job.

At the time you think these things are certainly going to be stresses for him but not enough to kill a man! I have found this year a struggle which i have not been afraid to admit in my life and in my posts and thought there is no magic solution I am doing ok and continuing to try and sort myself out. But that one night, that one night when my brother felt very bad and in a dark space he took the ultimate sanction and judgement on himself taking his life and from there we all have to pick up the pieces and continue with out ever being able to go back and retake the steps we have now taken after he left us.

A death ripples through other lives in time and space it burns, hurts and results in an unfillable void. If you or anyone you might know are ever are in that zone all I can say from having lost a brother, friend and seen my parents lose their first born son is please help and try to think again and ask them or yourself, does this really have to cause the damage and hurt you are about to cause to the ones you love, is there absolutely no alternative for you or them to no longer being on earth and alive today.

I went to a karaoke night tonight and sung my little heart out and got talking to a couple of good friends about my brother and his loss and found a good connection with them that i did not already have concerning the situation.

So sad 9th anniversary of your departing Andy Edwards will occur on 28th February 2024, I will always look forward to seeing you on the other side, but not just yet my brother and friend, not just yet.  

I have mentioned this song before its The Killers – All the Things I’ve Done!

To me I’m singing my little heart out about my brother asking God to let him in to Heaven – He’s got soul and he was a soldier, god bless you Andy hope you are doing well where every your spirit is.

Hoping for an end to the January Blues

Well this month has been a strange one some nice things happened but some strange emotions and stressful times experienced too and I guess the January blues have just slowly creeped up on me as the month has gone on. I am normally good at providing support to others but not great at receiving support or asking for it myself. I often find it better to write about stress and challenges after the event when I have processed the event and come to terms with it myself.

I had just booked a week off over Christmas which did not feel long enough and then I booked off another week in the 3rd week of January. That was nice and relaxing but felt quite out of my depth when coming back to work, which had got busy and I started back with a very early start after a night of not sleeping well. There were things I had to try and deal with that were stressful and challenging as soon as I walked back through the door into the office. I am hoping that February will bring in a little more calmness, stability and cheer but there will be hard work ahead too.

I get restless sometimes at this time of year and want to try changing things that I don’t think are working or healthy for me.

Ella Grace – Wild Roads

Welcome to the matrix

Do you ever feel like the world that we live in is not as it should be?

A world not as advanced, kind and caring for you as you think it should aspire to be?

Do you ever feel you should be more appreciative of what you have and yet you are more disappointed in what you don’t have?

Grateful for the roof over your head and the food in your belly, but somehow hoping and expecting more out of life?

Do you ever feel like though your little bubble is safe, calm and relatively sane but it could be burst within a second and lead you to despair?

A bubble that though looks secure, good even inviting to others that could be burst quite easily if you do or say the wrong thing, lose a job or house or friend?

Do you ever feel like you strive and fight hard for what you already have and expect little more in return?

Well welcome to the matrix of reality, the machine of human existence, endurance and evolution. The lifeline and fire blanket of existence that tries to keeps you out of harm’s way and helps you feel relatively safe where you are with what you have.

With the threat or reality of your current situation in life being taken away from you or pulled from under your feet and the severe consequences that that might have for you and your loved ones meaning you will fight hard to keep your little piece of existence in place.    

I started to write this thinking why do we not confront the matrix of reality that we live in and strive harder to change what we have or to demand there must be more.

But now weirdly for me this has turned into an opposite line of thought and argument on why we strive not to confront the matrix of reality and aspire instead to find contentment in what we have and acceptance in who we are and what we do.

It seems more often the not even just the little that we have is often too much to lose!

Nick Drake – ‘Cello Song

Happy 70th Birthday Mum

Mums lovely birthday cake

We celebrated my mum’s 70th birthday this week. We went to the Tom Cobley Tavern, which is a lovely pub in the village of Spreyton where I grew up. We all have such good memories of this place and Mum, Dad and Dad’s partner have not all been here for quite a few years and we have certainly not been here all together for a while too. We all had a lovely day with mum and Dad and Dad’s partner Shamen catching up with old friends from the village of Spreyton. There were 12 of us at the meal in the bar which Dad also used to work in and the meal was lovely and the cake that we had made for Mum’s birthday looked beautiful and tasted absolutely delicious.

Words can hurt or heal

So what did yours do today?

I have just watched the following speech which I would definitely recommend you watch too about the power of words.

Mohammed Qahtani – The Power of words

I love to write words and speak them at times, to change or influence a point of view or perception on reality or life.

A friend of mine discovered or invented the phrase “a social hand grenade” as soon as I heard it I thought what a cool expression, what it meant was to throw a word or phrase into a conversation that would have maximum impact and if you did it to the right person or people at the right time to blow their mind too. I thought to myself what a great concept.

Over the years I have tried to put words into a conversation so as to have a positive impact on the person that I am speaking to rather than a negative. Although more often than not in the sad and disappointing times of my life when I have been sad and angry I have said things that still haunt me to this day.

More often than not to women that I thought had spurned me or decided they were openly no longer or perhaps never even had been in love with me. I remember to this day not perhaps the exact words that I said but the memory of a moment in which those words were said and though they can never be taken back nor the moment vanish from time I do hope I have learnt from those occasions so that in the future in a similar circumstance I do not try to feed my own ego by trying to bring someone else down.

If life has hopefully taught me any lesson it is the one that conflict through words and deeds just for the sheer sake of it bears as much fruitful as a cherry tree in the desert with no water.

Gabrielle Aplin – The Power of Love 

Wishes Of Happiness And Prosperity

Last week there were and still are a number of ongoing difficulties affecting people that I care a great deal about and there have been some real tragedies and sadness as well as financial difficulties and obstacles affecting friends in and around Exeter – some of those troubles might be sorted overnight some might take a lifetime to be worked upon (or what feels like a lifetime anyway).

I hope those of you going though difficulties at this time know that you are loved, respected and admired for doing your best and trying your hardest to do what you can do with all you have.

I just want to say you are not alone, have never been alone and with the friendship and family you have and with the strength and depth of your characters you can do and be what you choose to do and be.

My brother had a Native American spirit guide that would assist and guide him in both times of peace and chaos and I love the concepts that I read about Native American culture, philosophy and music and with that in mind I try to express how I feel about loved ones and friends today through there perceptions beliefs and below music too.

Yeha-Noha (Wishes of happiness and prosper) – Sacred Spirit

Holiday on Ragland Road – Ireland

Me and Dad in a bar on Ragland Road in Tramore Ireland August 2018 I love this photo of my dad, in this picture there is a white sign which reads ‘Parents are responsible for their children at all times” I think we both looked after or acted responsibly or irresponsibly in equal measure on the holiday.  

When we travelled to Ireland for the holiday we stayed in Wexford, Tramore, Dublin and Leopardstown. One of the reasons we went to county Wexford was because it was where Dad went on his holidays by the beach as a boy. We also stayed at the Faye Guest House in Wexford Town and then travelled by train to Tramore and went off to see the horse racing there too.  

Entrance to Faye Guest House – Wexford

It was the first time me and Dad had gone on holiday to Ireland together and there was a little racing, drinking, eating and also a chance to see one of my all time favourite bands called the Waterboys sing whole of the moon on a moon lit night in Leopardstown.

Waterboys Band

It just so happens that it is my dad’s birthday tomorrow the 13th August and when we were in Ireland we planned the holiday so that we were there for his birthday too.

I am such a huge fan of Ireland with the music, the people and company and culture. As well as the food, drink and hospitality. They love to party and enjoy the company of good people as well as a pint of Guinness and a punt at the horse racing – what is not to love.  

Sinead O’Connor singing Raglan Road

Singing in a bar called The Ship again

Well me and a couple of friends headed out last Friday to a bar called the Ship in Exeter and they had their Friday karaoke tunes being played and sung to. My friend Michelle was the first person to get up and sing and sung ‘Take My Breath Away’ by Berlin and really did such a powerful and yet emotionally beautiful version of the song it really was amazing to listen to, she did herself, the audience listening and the song proud.

I then put in a request for a song and got up and sung it, I was very nervous and sung a song called ‘all the things that I’ve done’ by the Killers. I was a little shy and not sung this song in a bar in many a year and found the words racing ahead on the screen where I would be then trying to catch-up and sing along to what was coming up. I managed to get through the whole song and people were very kind and clapping and cheered at the end of the song when I had finished which was great, I look forward to going back there and having a go another time.

I would like to try and sing the following song if I had a little more confidence and if the DJ had the song top sing which is by the cranberries and called ‘no need to argue’. I don’t think it would be suitable for the ship as that is more power ballads and rock and pop anthems where drunken crowds join in, but I might be able to get away with trying to sing it at the Arcade see if Damien has it as a selection.

The Cranberries – No need to argue

The album this song is on is also called ‘no need to argue’ and it came out when I was 18. It was beautifully sung and gently expressive song on an album that I found really helped me bring about calmness in my mind at a time in my life when I was a hugely sensitive and emotional person. All happy, hippy go lucky one minute, in love the next and then heartbroken after that! Listening to the song still to this day and it reminds me so much of when and what I have found and had, loved and lost and thankfully recovered and then been able to move on and prepare for the whole lot of madness and shenanigans again.