Category: music

Onions have layers, like people have secrets

I started this blog on 1st February 2020 nearly two years ago hoping to shed a skin or two of layers of my perception of life and write about my mental health experiences and my view on politics, loves and life. It’s such a good form of self expression having a blog and just as much fun reading and seeing what other people view and share too. I tend to go through phases of wanting to read others, wanting to look over my own and also wanting to write on my own or find new ones to follow.

But one thing I still have not had the ability to do yet on here is come out about my mental health (both past and present) and I am not sure if or when I ever will. The thing about publishing on the World Wide Web is although not many people do read this blog, it has the potential for anyone I know or even don’t know to read it and judge me. That judgment might then result in someone thinking less of me which is not a big deal, but if that judgement resulted in a work colleague or employee then making life difficult for me or even causing me to lose a job over then that would be a huge problem for me.

I work hard to pretend to be normal in a work environment and that hard work enables me the comfort of sleeping with a roof over my head in my own flat in a comfy bed and with relatively few nightmares. To come out about my mental health difficulties on here makes me feel that I risk all of that. So I don’t really discuss it or go into great detail about it really so as not to be at risk of being found out. Maybe my circumstances will change one day or something like that but I feel safe in my own skin leaving it as it is for now.

I take very few photos of myself although I have found one that a friend took in the most awesomely friendliest bar in Exeter called the Arcade that I was in recently.

Me, Will, Kev, and Nate (all legends on their own barstools)

I hope you are healthy and safe in 2022

I also hope this NYE message finds you in good heart and spirit. I have just finished doing a little home working trying to clear the work email inbox a little so there is less to do on our first day back in the office in the new year.

Things are quite on my street in my city at the moment. I am trying to psych myself up to go out tonight or decide whether I want to a NYE evening sat at home or in a local bar.

The last two years I don’t think I even had a choice as was ill 2 years ago and under a lockdown last year. So I think I will go out for a change.

I think if there is going to be a lockdown of sorts in England or changes to the present restrictions or lack of them, they will probably get announced next week. So tonight could be the last chance in a while to be out on the streets of Exeter of an evening to rish catching Covid-19!

A few pubs in Exeter have closed due to Covid-19 being caught by staff and then not having enough staff to open up their premises and so just like everywhere else covid-19 is doing the rounds here too.

Best wishes and love to you and yours and I hope 2022 is prosperous and happily eventful for you and those that you love

Huw

This suits me well!
The Parting Glass – Cara Dillon

A Covid-19 Christmas & the Winter Flues

Well since I have returned from Ireland the new Covid-19 variant seems to be travelling through to new countries and lighting up warning lights of all those across the globe that it seems to comes into contact with. There seems to be an attempt in the UK to resist the locking down of society until we have spent enough festive season money in order to give our retailers and leisure industries enough time to make enough cash to still hopefully be in a position to remain viable business even if the economy needs to lockdown again in the new year.

You hear on the news, health professionals advising us to get another jab of the antivirus, work from home and wear masks and reduce mixing in public and they also advocate the introduction of further lockdowns in order to reduce the spread of covid-19 and reduce the pressure on our health services and reduce the risk of death for citizens.

But it seems a little mad to type, let alone contemplate an opposite to a health professionals view but you have others on the opposite side of the health advocacy spectrum saying continue to go to work, party and buy presents. Because if we don’t we might risk the collapse of our economies which would result in even greater suffering and potential lose of livelihoods and lives.

I hope that there is some kind of middle ground rather than a crash and learn approach which seems very popular by UK government politicians. I think we should already have some kind of covid-19 passports and proof of covid-19 status in place as they have in Ireland for when entering hospitality venues. Ireland is very much more restrictive than the UK. I believe they have now implemented bars being closed and people out of them by midnight. Table service for no more than six people.

We do need to learn to live with covid-19 but at what cost to our economy and/or health is still to be measured. I have yet to have a booster jab and I know as I am in a vulnerable group I need to book one in at some time in the next month or two. But I feel very guilty for the luxury afforded to me living in a modern rich county on how I am pampered with covid-19 jabs and it feels slightly sickening to be being offered my third when many people in poorer countries have yet to even be offered their first chance of having a jab.

Also many on those counties have no access to healthcare services to find out if they have covid-19 let alone getting treatmetn for covid-19 and even if they could find out if they have it might have to continue working with it for risk of losing a job or having a job that if they don’t work they don’t eat. It also feels like these are all fixable situations buy wealthier nations make a calculated choice to not to help others with as much help as they could or should.

The wealthy nations or the world that I happen to live in one of are in no way free nations, when it comes to poorer nations, they are not free to trade with us as equals or to travel to us as tourists, or live amongst us as equals. They are not able to have free access to the medical benefits and advancements that we have, and they certainly don’t have as much stability in their lives as we are blessed to have due to the place we were born into not due to the people we are made up from.  

I fear if covid-19 sticks around in the long term, it will just be used as another economic statistic to prove how great wealthy countries are compared to poorer nations that will be made to suffer greater under its rain of infectious terror.

COVID-19 Outbreak World Map Total Deaths per Capita

Gabrielle Aplin – Happy Xmas (War is Over)

Trip to Dublin in Ireland

Just come back from a wonderful visit to Dublin in Ireland. This visit has been booked and planned for since July. We stayed on the other side of the river from the Temple Bar pictured above.

Memorial to Lead singer of Thin Lizzy – Philip P Lynott

Managed to do some sightseeing, and visited the Guinness Brewery. Listened to lots of live music in a few bars or from buskers on the street, tasted some of the local cuisine and drank some world-famous Guinness as well as some local beers too.

My pint from the Gravity Bar at the top of the Guinness brewery building

I travelled over with a friend called Matt and the last time we were both able to go to Ireland at the same time was about 20 years ago so it was a great opportunity for us both to go there again.

View from the Gravity Bar at Guinness Factory

Due to Covid-19 restrictions in bars and restaurants I think it was also just as well that there were not to many of us going at once. Table service was taking places in most bars and restaurants and it was easier for them to find a table for the two of us instead of a big group.

Guinness mascot the Toucan

The above photo is of some of the collection of Guinness marketing memorabilia taken from inside the Guinness factrory tour that we went on.

I really was hoping that the world was getting used to managing the Covid-19 pandemic by now, but with the new variant now blowing up and daily announcements getting worse and worse while we were in Ireland it was a little unsettling at times to be away from home.

It really is a treat to travel and I am so glad we were able to go and make memories and take a few photos, but being back home safe and well is also something to be savoured.

One of Dublins own bands – Thin Lizzy with Whiskey In The Jar

Listen to me sing “Chasing Cars”

Listen to me sing “Chasing Cars” on #Smule: https://www.smule.com/sing-recording/2773445479_4209720295

Work, health and happiness

Lots happening and finally picked up a bit of my own advice coming back to me today after I had said it to someone else when looking to support them, I think I find it easier to give advice than I do take it even when it’s my own!

Two weeks ago today I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and feeling hot in my bed but cold as soon as I took my sheets off and all-round not feeling great. I feared I might have the first signs of covid-19 and so called to get some advice whether I needed to take a test and if so how I got about getting one. With not driving I could not just simply drive to a test centre and you don’t exactly want to jump in a car and get a lift while potentially infected or hop on a bus. By the morning I was already feeling better but still concerned not to take any potential illness into my workplace. So I took a rapid covid-19 test that I picked up at a pharmacy which brought back a negative covid=19 test. My local doctor also advised me then to take a Covid PCR test which meant they posted it to me on Thursday, it arrived with me on Friday and I posted back to the test centre on Friday and got my negative test back Saturday. It really was a superfast free service.

So no need to self isolate and covid-19 scare passed. That weekend I also submitted a job application for a job at my local council in the same team that I work in. I am looking for a chance to develop and grow and also being run down by a lot of negativity and complaints that we are dealing with over the phones. People often phone the council assuming that as they pay taxes the council is responsible for solving any or all problems that they might have.

The new job would have involved working with improving people’s homes and doing disability and environmental adaption’s to help people live in their own homes. It felt more project focused rewarding and plannable rather than the reactive work that I am doing now. I worry that I am still after 20 years of working still trapped as an admin assistant answering phones and spelling things that I type wrong and not able to escape that type of work.

So I found out this morning that after my interview yesterday that I am still an admin ass rather that a project pro. I worked from home today so just dealt with my own demons in my mind and members of the public over the phone. But for those staff that I did speak to in the office where very kind and hugely supportive, which reminds me why I like working there in the first place. Working in an environmental health setting during a pandemic really has been an unforgettable experience. The people I work with are great; we all have days that go well as well as those that don’t do so well. There is a certain type of dark humour that goes with the territory of the work but it’s more for me about finding humour in the moment and in no way laughing at people but laughing with them. If you did not laugh you would cry sometimes.  

My advice is or was, don’t take things to personally when someone is venting at you about something that is not your fault. Don’t build up your own problems all into one big bundle of pain, but take them on in bite sized chunks that you are more likely to be able to digest rather than them instead eating you up and spitting you out. Fianlly be greatful and thankful for what you have for many have nothing at all.   

Moby – Natural Blues

Environmental catastrophe or slow car crash syndrome!

I don’t know if you have ever been in a car accident or crash but for a very brief moment in time all your senses are heightened and it feels like everything that is happening in slow motion even though time ticks along at its same old pace. Your eyes are wide open and if like I was, your in the passenger seat then all you can do is sit and watch the driver hopefully move the vehicle to somewhere safe (if your lucky).

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) was established in 1988 to provide policymakers with regular scientific assessments on the current state of knowledge about climate change. Today they issued a IPCC report is ‘code red for humanity’

Though many will still scoff at the idea of climate change and claim it’s still a matter of what ever they can try and stretch our little brains into believing it is, so long as it is anything other than actual climate change and does not interfere with their capitalist freedoms to make money at the expense of others, such naysayers will always exist on a spectrum of opinions and ideas about ever changing situations on big issues. There are many that still don’t believe that Covid-19 exists but at least they never stopped the development of vaccines and medical advancements for the rest of us.

We could seriously be looking at the car crash of a situation that could very much destroy this planet and all life on it if we are not careful, the idea of the destruction of wildlife, climate change and irreversible decline in climate are ideas that have been around the block since when I was a child and yet still we get headlines like those of today like this warning that this was some how not foreseen, certainly not acted upon as quickly as it could have been and were still in the eye of the storm or the screeching of the breaks of the car crash of a situation.

Just as with Covid-19 I feel that humanity has within it the capacity to do what is right, when it is asked to and by those that need to. But time really will wait for no man, women or environment to see if we learn our own collective climate changing lessons.  

Rory Ellis – Road of no return

Birthday Bash

Well it was my birthday on 12th July so had planned to go out with some friends for drinks on Saturday night which was great and ended with me safely home after a great night out. Then on Monday 12th July I had booked some time off work and met up with some friends for a meal which was lovely and the first time we had all been together since last March. I then went on to a bar on my way back to mine which is usually a lot of fun and had a couple of drinks on my own before heading home at 8pm.  

All was going well Saturday it was a fab night and met some new people as well as had fun with some old friends. It’s like I am playing catch-up now and meeting with friends that I have not seen since pre-pandemic times.

Things went a bit sour in the last bar I went into on Monday because suddenly it appeared I was fair game to shout threats to and give insults to simply for where I worked. As I work for the council in environmental health and a very drunken stranger was told by the owner of the pub where I worked which results with threats of potential violence and the only compliment coming from this complete stranger nut job was that well at least I’m not a traffic warden because they are worse than environmental health officers. Gee thanks pal!

He was taking about getting the lads around to sort me out, bare in mind this is a drunken complete random stranger, that I had only just seen and not even spoken to at all, who felt it amusing or necessary to hurl this drunken abuse at me.

I always try to be careful when I am out not to act like an idiot, bring to much attention to myself or in anyway put myself into a situation that could lead to violence or for want of a better possibly slightly melodramatic way put myself in a situation that could result in my untimely death due to violence at the hand of another.

There is something about masculine culture that can result in violence occurring for some people especially when alcohol is involved and the last thing I want to hear the next day or when I am unlucky or lucky enough to wake up in hospital or pick myself up from the floor is ‘Oh sorry mate it was not my fault I was drunk’!

I think like most males that have lived and been around the block a few times I have in the past been assaulted and it’s a nightmare situation that no one asks or volunteers for and I am so angry when someone tries to put me in that type of situation. In my younger days I used to make a move to try and stop fights when I saw them happening and that mostly went well and either stopped or prevented violence. But I am older now and feel like I should not be stepping in any more if I can help it.

I am not going to stop going out but I am also not wanting to put myself in harm’s way due to some drunken idiot the suddenly finds a kinship with violence due to how many beers are in his body.

I was the one that had to wake up my father in the middle of the night and tell him my brother’s life had ended. If I can help it I never want anyone else to have to wake either of my parents to tell them that my life has now been lost too.

Rag’n’ Bone Man – Human

It’s all about the timing!

So I have just gone and booked a little city break to Ireland in Dublin.

Ha’Penny Bridge Dublin

The accomidation we will be staying in is an appartment right by the bridge in the photo above.

I am so excited and it was a little bit of an impulsive holiday booking for me and a good friend to go over for a long weekend in late November.

At present you are not able to travel to Ireland from the UK without getting a Covid-19 test first and then self-isolating on your way there and on your way back. I am hoping these rules with have been relaxed by November and we are able to travel over without these restriction in place.

Dublin can be a very expensive city to get accommodation in and the 3 nights stay in Dublin in our apartment is costing us about £33 each per night to stay which is so cheap and it’s a perfect location for the area of Dublin we have enjoyed staying at in the past.

If we can’t go not to worry, nothing ventured nothing gained as they say. But if we can it will be blast.

So I just need to make sure I can get the time of work now and arrange how we get to Dublin too.

Exciting times ahead, needing some of that luck of the Irish for this trip to come off though.

One time when I went to Dublin I saw the Waterboys sing the song below at a race course it was amazing. I look forward to making more memories there in November

Wateboys – Whole of the moon

Dublin is such a magical place with people from all over the world mixing, chatting, smiling, laughing and drinking.

A great none judgmental place that takes you as you are. Had so much fun there on many an occasion that I have been there and I do really hope I am there again in November.

2nd Covid-19 jab done & how I feel about that

I had my second Covid-19 jab over the weekend all went well and no ill effects from my second oxford astrazeneca vaccine injection. I am incredibly grateful to the NHS staff and volunteers that have helped deliver millions of vaccinations in the UK and covered over 50% of the adult population with 2 injections now

So I have my little NHS Covid-19 card with my name spelt wrong on it, to say that Hugh has had his 2 jabs done now so I will keep his card safe for him just in case he needs it back.

In the last 24 hours in the UK there have been no Covid-19 related deaths for the first time since March 7, 2020. Which is really good news, it hopefully shows that vaccines are working, the latest lockdown worked and the unlocking of lockdown is not resulting in increased deaths. But you just really have to be mindful of other variants and their future impact on all societies.

I feel a little strange at the moment like the calm after a storm that I am still not 100% sure is over yet. I still remember some of the good and bad times from last year, the light and dark moments and still think did that really just happen. It’s such a weird time to live through.

I know I have been told throughout my life by peoples whose views I respect and cherish that I can over think things, so maybe it’s just one of those over thinking times. I do like over thinking, as I do like to over think positively too. To be grateful for what I have more so than I am fearful for what I do not. To be happy for what has happened to me rather than sad about what has not.

I am definitely a glass half full person rather than a glass half empty person and even if a glass is less than half full well the fact that it still has something left in it has to be a bonus right!

I hope your glass is half full from where ever you are reading this and you feeling good today.

Gabrielle Aplin singing How Do You Feel Today