Having survived my teenage years of drug experimentation in the 90’s with an eye on the cool hippies of the 60’s I am very grateful to be alive today, without too many side effects emanating from my past. With that in mind now sleep is probably the main mind altering substance I seek to use these days.
An ode to Sleep
When my head is weary and my eyes tired too,
There is gentleness in the dark,
I can close my eyes and can no longer see a view.
Though I do not seek to live in darkness all my life,
I do enjoy the rest bite for a while,
I can find peace when I fall asleep at night.
Recharge my batteries for another day.
Without such darkness I might not appreciate what I see tomorrow,
The Lunar New Year celebration is intended to usher in a year of luck and prosperity. It’s time to close the chapter on the old one and welcome the year of the tiger.
It appears I find it easier to celebrate my websites birthday easier than I do my own. Congratualtions to me to writing in this space for another year, well done me! I don’t worry about my own birthday coming around so much, but I used to feel wow another year has been achieved well done, where as at the moment on new years day or my birthday it feels more like what the hell has just happened in the last 12 months, I hope that everyone that I care about is still ok. Whereas celebrating the maintenance and management of a blog is an achievement in itself.
As a dyslexic that struggles to write a word let alone find time to have the energy to write a word down I am pleased about what I do here. I have never been short of imagination or thoughts, or at least I don’t think have. People often describe people like me as someone that thinks to deeply or over thinks things. But I like to see myself more as having an ability to say and do the simple things that I sometimes think we should all do like speak or write the truth to power and friends.
You can always sugar coat a perception or opinion that is not one that a person sees or wants to see or might find hard to look at. At many times in many ways I think others view my perception on life as a little delusional perception of reality and at times they would probably be right but when you look at problems or ideas from different angel’s or view points you are nearly always bound to see something that the eyes of other either could not see or closed their eyes to.
After all it would be boring if we all did and said the same thing from the same view point. Our opinions and views are shapped and born along the paths we walk alone as well as influenced from the views of those we know.
If those at the top of a countries political structure are ruthless and power hungry or weak and incompetent does it really matter whether you live in a democracy or a dictatorship? Of course it does as in a democracy if you perceive your elected leader to be ruthless and power hungry or incompetent and weak, if you don’t like what their policies or disagree with how they impact on you then you can legally express opposition to them, protest against them and also vote against them. Where as in a one party/person state to disagree with the leader or the state you very much risk your own liberty or life.
How do we measure a successful state? If by economic productivity alone then should we all be in factories controlled by the state mass producing products to sell to the rest of the world or rampant free market capitalism with no rules on how to make money or exploit people and places or even state controlled factories with no limits to damaging the natural environment or constraints on impacts to citizens health and wellbeing?
Are citizens merely guinea pigs caught and put into cages, running around on exercise wheels as pets to those in political and/or economic power for their service and amusement? Are young angry men sent to war to die to keep down the population of young angry men and give them something to do whilst giving the deaths meaning at the sacrificial alter of the righteous state at the expense of the right to life of said young men.
A strong and vibrant political ecosystem should be a balance of enabling the potential and practical achievement of the greatest good, determined by the greatest number and extended to the largest amount of people within the boundaries’ of what is fare and justified to do and how people are entitled to live according to what a citizens human rights are or should be aspired to be. A fare system is not one that spends beyond its means in order to provide everything to everyone, but one that legislates and governs within its means in order to ensure those that it serves are served as best as they can be. This might be on the local level of a town ensuring that we live in safe communities with a roof over our heads and an ability to earn to provide for ourselves. Or at a global level where we have sustainable seas and affordable drinking water, electricity and goods, where we are not at war or starving and can breathe clean air and live in places with healthy natural environments.
No person or state is an island and if you thing you can survive on your own without any state intervention or rules then sooner or later you will run into a brick wall of reality that will stop you from believing you can do everything for yourself or on your own. For example when you become ill how will you get well, who will look after you and pay your health costs? When there is a global pandemic who will help your society live with its impacts or enable you to go about your business again?
The people, places and political structures of the 21st century are diverse and complex but if you choose not to have a say or opinion or not to vote in the power structures that governs you, then all that that happen instead is that some one else takes your vote for you and they probably won’t have your best interest at heart.
Dictators do not merely give greater powers to themselves they steal it from their own citizens. Dictatorship is political theft! So what makes for good government and governance? Well in my eyes it’s a society in which you can and do participate in the political process with a free will and freedom of information and freedom of expresion where you do no harm to others and they do no harm to you.
I started this blog on 1st February 2020 nearly two years ago hoping to shed a skin or two of layers of my perception of life and write about my mental health experiences and my view on politics, loves and life. It’s such a good form of self expression having a blog and just as much fun reading and seeing what other people view and share too. I tend to go through phases of wanting to read others, wanting to look over my own and also wanting to write on my own or find new ones to follow.
But one thing I still have not had the ability to do yet on here is come out about my mental health (both past and present) and I am not sure if or when I ever will. The thing about publishing on the World Wide Web is although not many people do read this blog, it has the potential for anyone I know or even don’t know to read it and judge me. That judgment might then result in someone thinking less of me which is not a big deal, but if that judgement resulted in a work colleague or employee then making life difficult for me or even causing me to lose a job over then that would be a huge problem for me.
I work hard to pretend to be normal in a work environment and that hard work enables me the comfort of sleeping with a roof over my head in my own flat in a comfy bed and with relatively few nightmares. To come out about my mental health difficulties on here makes me feel that I risk all of that. So I don’t really discuss it or go into great detail about it really so as not to be at risk of being found out. Maybe my circumstances will change one day or something like that but I feel safe in my own skin leaving it as it is for now.
I take very few photos of myself although I have found one that a friend took in the most awesomely friendliest bar in Exeter called the Arcade that I was in recently.
Me, Will, Kev, and Nate (all legends on their own barstools)
I also hope this NYE message finds you in good heart and spirit. I have just finished doing a little home working trying to clear the work email inbox a little so there is less to do on our first day back in the office in the new year.
Things are quite on my street in my city at the moment. I am trying to psych myself up to go out tonight or decide whether I want to a NYE evening sat at home or in a local bar.
The last two years I don’t think I even had a choice as was ill 2 years ago and under a lockdown last year. So I think I will go out for a change.
I think if there is going to be a lockdown of sorts in England or changes to the present restrictions or lack of them, they will probably get announced next week. So tonight could be the last chance in a while to be out on the streets of Exeter of an evening to rish catching Covid-19!
A few pubs in Exeter have closed due to Covid-19 being caught by staff and then not having enough staff to open up their premises and so just like everywhere else covid-19 is doing the rounds here too.
Best wishes and love to you and yours and I hope 2022 is prosperous and happily eventful for you and those that you love
Well since I have returned from Ireland the new Covid-19 variant seems to be travelling through to new countries and lighting up warning lights of all those across the globe that it seems to comes into contact with. There seems to be an attempt in the UK to resist the locking down of society until we have spent enough festive season money in order to give our retailers and leisure industries enough time to make enough cash to still hopefully be in a position to remain viable business even if the economy needs to lockdown again in the new year.
You hear on the news, health professionals advising us to get another jab of the antivirus, work from home and wear masks and reduce mixing in public and they also advocate the introduction of further lockdowns in order to reduce the spread of covid-19 and reduce the pressure on our health services and reduce the risk of death for citizens.
But it seems a little mad to type, let alone contemplate an opposite to a health professionals view but you have others on the opposite side of the health advocacy spectrum saying continue to go to work, party and buy presents. Because if we don’t we might risk the collapse of our economies which would result in even greater suffering and potential lose of livelihoods and lives.
I hope that there is some kind of middle ground rather than a crash and learn approach which seems very popular by UK government politicians. I think we should already have some kind of covid-19 passports and proof of covid-19 status in place as they have in Ireland for when entering hospitality venues. Ireland is very much more restrictive than the UK. I believe they have now implemented bars being closed and people out of them by midnight. Table service for no more than six people.
We do need to learn to live with covid-19 but at what cost to our economy and/or health is still to be measured. I have yet to have a booster jab and I know as I am in a vulnerable group I need to book one in at some time in the next month or two. But I feel very guilty for the luxury afforded to me living in a modern rich county on how I am pampered with covid-19 jabs and it feels slightly sickening to be being offered my third when many people in poorer countries have yet to even be offered their first chance of having a jab.
Also many on those counties have no access to healthcare services to find out if they have covid-19 let alone getting treatmetn for covid-19 and even if they could find out if they have it might have to continue working with it for risk of losing a job or having a job that if they don’t work they don’t eat. It also feels like these are all fixable situations buy wealthier nations make a calculated choice to not to help others with as much help as they could or should.
The wealthy nations or the world that I happen to live in one of are in no way free nations, when it comes to poorer nations, they are not free to trade with us as equals or to travel to us as tourists, or live amongst us as equals. They are not able to have free access to the medical benefits and advancements that we have, and they certainly don’t have as much stability in their lives as we are blessed to have due to the place we were born into not due to the people we are made up from.
I fear if covid-19 sticks around in the long term, it will just be used as another economic statistic to prove how great wealthy countries are compared to poorer nations that will be made to suffer greater under its rain of infectious terror.
COVID-19 Outbreak World Map Total Deaths per Capita
Just come back from a wonderful visit to Dublin in Ireland. This visit has been booked and planned for since July. We stayed on the other side of the river from the Temple Bar pictured above.
Memorial to Lead singer of Thin Lizzy – Philip P Lynott
Managed to do some sightseeing, and visited the Guinness Brewery. Listened to lots of live music in a few bars or from buskers on the street, tasted some of the local cuisine and drank some world-famous Guinness as well as some local beers too.
My pint from the Gravity Bar at the top of the Guinness brewery building
I travelled over with a friend called Matt and the last time we were both able to go to Ireland at the same time was about 20 years ago so it was a great opportunity for us both to go there again.
View from the Gravity Bar at Guinness Factory
Due to Covid-19 restrictions in bars and restaurants I think it was also just as well that there were not to many of us going at once. Table service was taking places in most bars and restaurants and it was easier for them to find a table for the two of us instead of a big group.
Guinness mascot the Toucan
The above photo is of some of the collection of Guinness marketing memorabilia taken from inside the Guinness factrory tour that we went on.
I really was hoping that the world was getting used to managing the Covid-19 pandemic by now, but with the new variant now blowing up and daily announcements getting worse and worse while we were in Ireland it was a little unsettling at times to be away from home.
It really is a treat to travel and I am so glad we were able to go and make memories and take a few photos, but being back home safe and well is also something to be savoured.
One of Dublins own bands – Thin Lizzy with Whiskey In The Jar
Lots happening and finally picked up a bit of my own advice coming back to me today after I had said it to someone else when looking to support them, I think I find it easier to give advice than I do take it even when it’s my own!
Two weeks ago today I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and feeling hot in my bed but cold as soon as I took my sheets off and all-round not feeling great. I feared I might have the first signs of covid-19 and so called to get some advice whether I needed to take a test and if so how I got about getting one. With not driving I could not just simply drive to a test centre and you don’t exactly want to jump in a car and get a lift while potentially infected or hop on a bus. By the morning I was already feeling better but still concerned not to take any potential illness into my workplace. So I took a rapid covid-19 test that I picked up at a pharmacy which brought back a negative covid=19 test. My local doctor also advised me then to take a Covid PCR test which meant they posted it to me on Thursday, it arrived with me on Friday and I posted back to the test centre on Friday and got my negative test back Saturday. It really was a superfast free service.
So no need to self isolate and covid-19 scare passed. That weekend I also submitted a job application for a job at my local council in the same team that I work in. I am looking for a chance to develop and grow and also being run down by a lot of negativity and complaints that we are dealing with over the phones. People often phone the council assuming that as they pay taxes the council is responsible for solving any or all problems that they might have.
The new job would have involved working with improving people’s homes and doing disability and environmental adaption’s to help people live in their own homes. It felt more project focused rewarding and plannable rather than the reactive work that I am doing now. I worry that I am still after 20 years of working still trapped as an admin assistant answering phones and spelling things that I type wrong and not able to escape that type of work.
So I found out this morning that after my interview yesterday that I am still an admin ass rather that a project pro. I worked from home today so just dealt with my own demons in my mind and members of the public over the phone. But for those staff that I did speak to in the office where very kind and hugely supportive, which reminds me why I like working there in the first place. Working in an environmental health setting during a pandemic really has been an unforgettable experience. The people I work with are great; we all have days that go well as well as those that don’t do so well. There is a certain type of dark humour that goes with the territory of the work but it’s more for me about finding humour in the moment and in no way laughing at people but laughing with them. If you did not laugh you would cry sometimes.
My advice is or was, don’t take things to personally when someone is venting at you about something that is not your fault. Don’t build up your own problems all into one big bundle of pain, but take them on in bite sized chunks that you are more likely to be able to digest rather than them instead eating you up and spitting you out. Fianlly be greatful and thankful for what you have for many have nothing at all.
I don’t know if you have ever been in a car accident or crash but for a very brief moment in time all your senses are heightened and it feels like everything that is happening in slow motion even though time ticks along at its same old pace. Your eyes are wide open and if like I was, your in the passenger seat then all you can do is sit and watch the driver hopefully move the vehicle to somewhere safe (if your lucky).
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) was established in 1988 to provide policymakers with regular scientific assessments on the current state of knowledge about climate change. Today they issued a IPCC report is ‘code red for humanity’
Though many will still scoff at the idea of climate change and claim it’s still a matter of what ever they can try and stretch our little brains into believing it is, so long as it is anything other than actual climate change and does not interfere with their capitalist freedoms to make money at the expense of others, such naysayers will always exist on a spectrum of opinions and ideas about ever changing situations on big issues. There are many that still don’t believe that Covid-19 exists but at least they never stopped the development of vaccines and medical advancements for the rest of us.
We could seriously be looking at the car crash of a situation that could very much destroy this planet and all life on it if we are not careful, the idea of the destruction of wildlife, climate change and irreversible decline in climate are ideas that have been around the block since when I was a child and yet still we get headlines like those of today like this warning that this was some how not foreseen, certainly not acted upon as quickly as it could have been and were still in the eye of the storm or the screeching of the breaks of the car crash of a situation.
Just as with Covid-19 I feel that humanity has within it the capacity to do what is right, when it is asked to and by those that need to. But time really will wait for no man, women or environment to see if we learn our own collective climate changing lessons.
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