James – SoundBack in 2020 not today, today I am doing ok
Back in 2020 I expereince my first psychosis for nearly some 10 years. I am lucky in that I have good insight into when I become unwell I know when I am hallucinating and I know when I am delusional and with the help of medication and medical staff, friends and family I worked hard to hold down my job, keep a roof over my head and get well all at the same time. I know times like now are times when I risk becoming unwell again and I must be mindful of this happening to me now.
Symptoms of psychosis
The 2 main symptoms of psychosis are:
hallucinations – where a person hears, sees and, in some cases, feels, smells or tastes things that do not exist outside their mind but can feel very real to the person affected by them; a common hallucination is hearing voices, though my hallucinations manifest themselves as visual lights, on the rare occations that I see them I know I am very unwell.
delusions – where a person has strong beliefs that are not shared by others.
The combination of hallucinations and delusional thinking can cause severe distress and a change in behaviour.
I have heard a number of people argue that Putin cannot lose or has already won and although he might occupy some land and take many lives, but he has also lost morally, economically and spiritually due to his choice of action and the consequences thereof.
The concept of what happens if he wins or how he makes a form of winning happen are quite dark and what he does will contiune to be witnessed and broadcast so long as there is working camera on the ground from either citizen’s phones or major news outlets.
The options to Putin’s victory are quite dark but those for his defeat or withdrawl from Ukraine are all still options on the table and include but are not exclusive to the following for Ukraine and ergo humanity.
There is a nuclear accident or deliberate assault on a nuclear facility in Ukraine that leads to a ceasefire.
The Russian army puts down its weapons against its Slavic brothers.
Putin dies of natural causes or is assassinated.
There is regime change in Russia and Putin is held to account for war crimes along with those that supported said crimes.
An ongoing war with much bloodshed and TV coverage that has no winner and exhaustes Russian resources.
Russia does not use its nuclear arsenal.
NATO escalates its commitment to Ukraine and a conventional war is undertaken which Putin loses.
Any other combination of possibilities 1-7.
These are just a selection of what could happen. No one knows what will happen yet, but I hope we still exist when this madness has ended and that includes Ukraine and its people and homes too.
To assume Putin must win or has already won is short sighted and I pray and hope he will not, this one of the most critical prayers I and the world has ever pray for and although I do not know Gods will or vision for the future, I pray it includes living sentient beings.
In this our only planet where we have choice on how we choose to live, why do we make choices that make it so dam hard for the citizens and life to exist upon it? If life on earth were a computer game, then we always seems to be playing it on the exceptionally hard setting with maximum blood and gore.
What if God had sent a female messiah instead of Jesus who instead of being nailed to a cross for our sins had settled down got married and had a family. I am sure the world of men (& women) would have lived through a great deal less religious and politically justified wars.
Having a male perspective on life and God, I think is a dangerous thing at times and where some sensible people would wish, pray and hope for peace. Others sometimes try to fight the good fight verbally and physically looking for a moral prerogative for war and justification for the death of others.
It would not be so easy to rouse a female divine force to war as it appears to arouse a male divine force.
Yahweh is said to have or have had a wife according to some scholars called Asherah, I wonder if Yahweh ever bothered listening to Asherah or whether she left him for an alterntive extraordinary being such as Buddha?
God in this world has been shaped as a very male deity and look where that has gotten us!
I love God but am a post Christian none affiliated person of faith. My god is one of love and healing for all, that through his existence breaths life and loves all and although we might one day be judged by god for the lives we have or have not lived, no man is a spiritual judge of gods laws, it is only laws of what man does to man that that men have true jurisdiction on.
The head of Russia’s Orthodox Church has seemingly blamed the invasion of Ukraine that has killed hundreds and displaced millions on LGBT+ Pride parades. The Russian Orthodox bishop, 75, who leads the most popular and influential religion in the country, and with his interpretations of the teachings of Christ says that Ukraine’s pro-LGBT+ laws and parades have presented a “loyalty test” to Russia for aligning with progressive values.
The Patriarch claimed that “the West essentially organises genocide campaigns against countries that refuse to stage gay parades” before saying that the breakaway Ukrainian regions at the heart of the conflict, collectively known as Donbas, have “rejected” such values.
This is dangerous hate speech. Just as terrorists in the middle east had a religious perspective in order to justify hatred of USA it now appears that Russia has its spitrual saviour and patriarch or sinner champion in the Russian orthodox religion.
Never let truth get in the way of a good religious lie or perspective. How many people would Jesus of Muhammad kill and who would they bomb and why? We sometimes work on this planet towards global norms of behaviour and acceptance and an attempt to legislate equal rights and an expression of love towards fellow human being within context of codes of law and defences in the realm of international crimes against humanity. These values are being buried in Russia on top of the bodies of those they commit to a war.
In life I like to see spirtual understanding and complexity or wisdom grow forth as if from the seed of an acorn into a mighty oak tree. At first the seeds of our perception of God are simple black and white, light over dark issues, that need to be fed watered and nurtured, then as we grow older there is a greater understanding and awareness of those around us and who we are any why we are interdependant on others. Fianlly our beliefs might like might oaks reach and stand tall amongst others and with are roots firmly in the soil, we are able to branch out and offer support and love to others from a standpoint of strengh and resilience. Hoping our love and knowleadge bares further seeds that could also one day grow and flurish too.
Though we have a view, perception and awareness of god we are not gods. My father is homosexual and is one of the greatest human beings I know, whome I love very much, if his sexuality send him to a hell then I’d rather spend an eternity in hell with him, than an eternity with the leader of the church of Russia in heaven.
The bravery of the Ukrainian people and the generosity of the Polish people to the Ukrainians shames Putin and all he stands for and the atrocities committed in his name.
More than 1 million people have crossed from Ukraine into Poland since the Russian invasion began on 24 February, the Polish border guard has said.
Poland, which shares a 310-mile border with Ukraine, has taken in the majority of the 1.7 million people who have left their homes since the war began, with aid efforts largely operated by volunteers, as well as NGOs and municipalities.
The Polish government is introducing an aid package to fund food and temporary lodgings along with measures to allow refugees to work legally and access public healthcare and social assistance. The bill, which also provides one-off benefits for each refugee and financial help for those hosting Ukrainians, will be approved by parliament in fast track legislative procedure.
The exodus from Ukraine is the fastest growing refugee crisis in Europe since the second world war, according to the UN. Vast numbers of Ukrainian civilians have been fleeing cities under bombardment, including the besieged coastal city of Mariupol.
Data showed Polish border guards cleared as many as 142,300 at border crossings on Sunday, the most in a single day since the war began, and 129,000 people on Saturday.
Refugees from Ukraine have been taken into homes of Polish people with many remembering that an act of kindness provided to one of their grandparents after or during world war 2 helped their relative survive. There are many opening not just their arms but their homes to house those in need. This is unimaginable kindness in the face of such unimaginable wickedness from Putin.
Such a simple answer to a straight forward question that speaks volumes about who the people of Ukraine are with their strength and resilience that they possess and why we must now all look to emulate, donate what we can, and advocate to who we can, our politicians and fellow citizens on their behalf.
This answer was to a question that was brought up by an extraordinary mother with 3 young children (who thought her self not extrodinary at all), she has a 4 month old baby and they were all presently sheltering in Kyiv in Ukraine. She was being interviewed on the radio today to listeners in the UK. Her husband is working on a checkpoint and she has only seen him once since the war broke out for 20 minutes when he visited the shelter too.
She talked about the collective of the people in those shelters how they took things only day at a time. Things we take for granted like food, life and liberty are all now in the balance for her and her family and the fellow Ukrainian citizens that seek shelter with her in Kyiv.
They don’t plan what is going to happen next week as they don’t know if there shelter will have been bombed by then or even if they will still be alive (those were her words and thoughts not mine) They also cry a great deal together but somehow find things to share to laugh about together too.
Today this young mother went above ground to the shops to try and get some food and managed to get some bread and bits and pieces she also came across a sweet shop that was still open with two young girls serving at the counter who she bought some sweet and chocolate from and this is where she asked the young girls behind the counter the simple question “girls why are you here?” And they answered her by saying “because this is our home”.
Again I will now ask you, why are you here? The same answer ricocheting right back to me again. Which is, because it is our home.
My brother would have been 50 this year but sadly he took his own life on 28th February 2015, 7 years ago today. It still seems unreal that he is not still here and each year my parents and I mark both his birthday and the day he died.
The pain that a parent goes through from having lost a son or daughter is a pain that I cannot comprehend. I don’t know how much their heart would break if they were ever to lose me too before my time was due to.
My brother was a spirit medium; he could see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. For those non-believers in god, the supernatural or life beyond this one you would think him delusional or at best misinformed. But my brother was a man of honour and a truth seeker as well a truth speaker. So I knew what he lived through and experienced from the other side was real.
My Brother Andrew
Although I don’t have his gifts to communicate with the dead I do like to believe I have a good relationship with god and am able to have a good insight into what god wants expects and needs from me and others and what is the right way to interpret gods teachings and what is a negative or self serving interpretation of Gods teachings.
I am no teacher or preacher and like to think I have a personal relationship with God one crafted through my existence from before the day I was born and hopefully to be continued after the day I die too.
To me god is love.
You can write a book and put it within a library of books all explaining what in fact god is and what that means and some people might still never understand a simple truth such as that and what it means to live a life that loves God.
As God is everywhere and knows everything, your deepest darkest thoughts and deeds, then you can’t just justify and hide the bad things you do to God or bullshit God. You can swindle, lie and cheat your way though this life in front of and behind the men and women you know or have power over or have power over you. But you won’t be able to cheat, swindle and have your lies be believed by God.
I think and hope that even though my brother took his own life that he still has a good relationship with God and I very much look forward to discussing this with my brother when I pass on to the other side myself.
There are many ways he could have survived the night that he died and it was not for lack of trying to save his live by some of the people that love him very much who tried to stop him from taking his life.
My brother also has or had a Native American spirit guide that he lived with and communicated and guided him through his life and I like to think he had a kinship with Native Americans. I have a photo of us as children playing Indians & Indians (no cowboys in our crew)
In life he was always the spirit warrior and I was more or a spiritual philosopher or truth seaker of the word of god. God bless you brother.
Having survived my teenage years of drug experimentation in the 90’s with an eye on the cool hippies of the 60’s I am very grateful to be alive today, without too many side effects emanating from my past. With that in mind now sleep is probably the main mind altering substance I seek to use these days.
An ode to Sleep
When my head is weary and my eyes tired too,
There is gentleness in the dark,
I can close my eyes and can no longer see a view.
Though I do not seek to live in darkness all my life,
I do enjoy the rest bite for a while,
I can find peace when I fall asleep at night.
Recharge my batteries for another day.
Without such darkness I might not appreciate what I see tomorrow,
The Lunar New Year celebration is intended to usher in a year of luck and prosperity. It’s time to close the chapter on the old one and welcome the year of the tiger.
It appears I find it easier to celebrate my websites birthday easier than I do my own. Congratualtions to me to writing in this space for another year, well done me! I don’t worry about my own birthday coming around so much, but I used to feel wow another year has been achieved well done, where as at the moment on new years day or my birthday it feels more like what the hell has just happened in the last 12 months, I hope that everyone that I care about is still ok. Whereas celebrating the maintenance and management of a blog is an achievement in itself.
As a dyslexic that struggles to write a word let alone find time to have the energy to write a word down I am pleased about what I do here. I have never been short of imagination or thoughts, or at least I don’t think have. People often describe people like me as someone that thinks to deeply or over thinks things. But I like to see myself more as having an ability to say and do the simple things that I sometimes think we should all do like speak or write the truth to power and friends.
You can always sugar coat a perception or opinion that is not one that a person sees or wants to see or might find hard to look at. At many times in many ways I think others view my perception on life as a little delusional perception of reality and at times they would probably be right but when you look at problems or ideas from different angel’s or view points you are nearly always bound to see something that the eyes of other either could not see or closed their eyes to.
After all it would be boring if we all did and said the same thing from the same view point. Our opinions and views are shapped and born along the paths we walk alone as well as influenced from the views of those we know.
If those at the top of a countries political structure are ruthless and power hungry or weak and incompetent does it really matter whether you live in a democracy or a dictatorship? Of course it does as in a democracy if you perceive your elected leader to be ruthless and power hungry or incompetent and weak, if you don’t like what their policies or disagree with how they impact on you then you can legally express opposition to them, protest against them and also vote against them. Where as in a one party/person state to disagree with the leader or the state you very much risk your own liberty or life.
How do we measure a successful state? If by economic productivity alone then should we all be in factories controlled by the state mass producing products to sell to the rest of the world or rampant free market capitalism with no rules on how to make money or exploit people and places or even state controlled factories with no limits to damaging the natural environment or constraints on impacts to citizens health and wellbeing?
Are citizens merely guinea pigs caught and put into cages, running around on exercise wheels as pets to those in political and/or economic power for their service and amusement? Are young angry men sent to war to die to keep down the population of young angry men and give them something to do whilst giving the deaths meaning at the sacrificial alter of the righteous state at the expense of the right to life of said young men.
A strong and vibrant political ecosystem should be a balance of enabling the potential and practical achievement of the greatest good, determined by the greatest number and extended to the largest amount of people within the boundaries’ of what is fare and justified to do and how people are entitled to live according to what a citizens human rights are or should be aspired to be. A fare system is not one that spends beyond its means in order to provide everything to everyone, but one that legislates and governs within its means in order to ensure those that it serves are served as best as they can be. This might be on the local level of a town ensuring that we live in safe communities with a roof over our heads and an ability to earn to provide for ourselves. Or at a global level where we have sustainable seas and affordable drinking water, electricity and goods, where we are not at war or starving and can breathe clean air and live in places with healthy natural environments.
No person or state is an island and if you thing you can survive on your own without any state intervention or rules then sooner or later you will run into a brick wall of reality that will stop you from believing you can do everything for yourself or on your own. For example when you become ill how will you get well, who will look after you and pay your health costs? When there is a global pandemic who will help your society live with its impacts or enable you to go about your business again?
The people, places and political structures of the 21st century are diverse and complex but if you choose not to have a say or opinion or not to vote in the power structures that governs you, then all that that happen instead is that some one else takes your vote for you and they probably won’t have your best interest at heart.
Dictators do not merely give greater powers to themselves they steal it from their own citizens. Dictatorship is political theft! So what makes for good government and governance? Well in my eyes it’s a society in which you can and do participate in the political process with a free will and freedom of information and freedom of expresion where you do no harm to others and they do no harm to you.
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