Tag: Life

Aggressive apathy

Went out on the town tonight to meet with a friend and one thing that struck me with two men we met in the smoking area of the first pub was that we went into and met is that they started talking about politics, but in a very disparaging way they gave the impression that they have no belief in the importance of voting and the power of democracy. 

The fact that we have an election in parliament about to happen and that they boasted about their complete contempt for whoever has been elected in the past and also contempt for whoever will be elected in the future. Comments such as ‘they all bend the knee to the king’ and it’s all a waste of time ‘their all in it for themselves’, ‘they don’t represent the working man’.

Such negative views and contempt for UK democracy, I just don’t understand and sadly the older I get I choose not to challenge people face to face, that I don’t know (or trust), concerning their views and whether I agree with them. It did not feel like an appropriate place or time to challenge them. I feel sad for them and feel it’s a shame that they have the perspective that they do and I guess they have their reasons which I do not know.

Television broadcasters on TV love to ask members of the public for a variety of opinions on topics and politics is no different and when you hear people on TV interviewed about politics one of the views that sometimes tends to hit the TV is people saying they don’t care about politics, they are (politicians) all in it for themselves and nothing will change so there is no point in voting.

I do think such a view is again a sorry state of affairs to think and it’s hard to be critical while not being offensive to those views. Ultimately if you do nothing, boast of not thinking or having an opinion and say it’s all pointless then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy to you. If you detach yourself from the political views of others and those in power or have potential for power then you make your negative view your version of reality.

I feel like I am a citizen of the UK and not a subject – Subject is derived from the latin words, sub and jacio, and means one who is under the power of another; but a citizen is an unit of a mass of free people, who, collectively, possess sovereignty. Subjects look up to a master, but citizens are so far equal, that none have hereditary rights superior to others.

On Thursday July the 4th 2024 across the whole of the United Kingdom we the people, citizens of this country will walk into a polling station and vote by putting an X against a person’s name on a piece of paper, which will then ultimately impact on the choice of a nation as to whom will be elected as Prime Minister and govern the for the citizens of our country.  

Yes no one citizen elects the ruler or governor of this country (thank god, as that would be a dictatorship a little like Russia), but collectively we will make a decision as to who will govern the United Kingdom.  

Born in a Storm – Deacon Blue

Democracy the worst form of government, except for all other forms that have been tried!

I really enjoy trying to understand and paying attention to politics – even though it is perhaps normal or fashionable to express no interest or have no view. But for me politics does matters, democracy matters and having a view and interpretation matters.

When you have a political discussion with someone or listen to the views of others in the news it’s exceptionally rare to agree or not find disagreements or points to have further discussion upon and maybe the increased amount of disagreements and diversity of opinion is what some people love about politics and on the other hand the disagreements and diversity of opinions is what puts some people of politics!

I have so far in my life voted in 7 general elections have supported 2 political parties so far and might end up supporting a third party in the next general election. Considering how interested I am in politics and democracy I feel my actual input into the political and democratic system is very small.  

When I was 18 I was a member of the Liberal Democrats a smaller party in the UK that you could have summed up being a left leaning party that believes in personal liberty for individual and advocates a change to the voting system of the UK so as to see proportional representation and more people have their views represented in the house of commons and also believes in the funding of political institutions for the benefit of all. One of the things that put me off them is when they went into power with the Conservative party which resulted in from my perspective a considerable amount of damage to the UK, where as others can argue through majority rule the British people got what they asked and voted for with Brexit when we left the European Union and introduced Conservative policies to cuts in taxes and damage public services due to lack of vision, investment and resourcing.

I have never been a member of the Labour party but I have voted for them in a general election and been served by a local Labour MP called Ben Bradshaw he was culture minister in the last labour government well over 14 years ago and is now stepping down and making way for a new local MP at the next general election. So most elections in which I have voted for have been for the Labour candidates and this election I will likely give my vote to the green party candidate in Exeter. I have regularly voted for local city councillors that are members of the green party and fortuntly they were elected to stand in my local city council. I have been a paid up member of the green party now and respect and believe in the principles and points of view of the green party. So on the election I will be choosing to vote with my principles and vote green or vote to beat the conservative and vote Labour.

I am more of an anti-Conservative party voter than I am a pro one particular party voter, I am a member of the green party because I believe they are a progressive party with practical solutions on how to  invest in and protect our environment and have policies on the local, national and international level that reflect this. But mostly I am an anti-conservative voter, if the greens seek to protect the environment then the conservative party seek to damage the environment, society and people within my own community so as to benefit from that damage financially themselves and such policies and actions I find repulsive.

A conservative will often boast about what freedoms they give to you while they profit considerably at your expense when governing you. It is argued that we live in a capitalist society and it is the only way to live. But I do not think it is that simple I would argue we are consumers not capitalists. We produce goods and services to be consumed and that way of existence can be managed and governed to ensure that the system is safe for the environment and the citizens that live within in e.g. safe water to drink and safe places to work and live. A capitalist mere profit is king society does not care whether the water is safe it only cares whether it is profitable or whether your work or live is safe only whether it is profitable to the economy.  We should aspire to work towards a consumer led society not capitalistic profit at the price of everything else society it is damaging road to destruction of this planet and must be voted against and spoken out against at every opportunity.

Deacon Blue – Peace Jobs And Freedom

What is breaking Britain?            

Politics is often points of view, opinion and perception. If you are lucky it does not actually direct affect you or where you live, you can normally continue to go about your life, work and/or retirement without it actually interfering with anything other than your opinion of politicians and your own opinions and principles.

But unfortunately Britain is very much different now and not in a good way. There has been 3 Conservative Prime Ministers since the last general election in 2019. All have done well, for themselves, all believe they did well for themselves and all would not change a thing for themselves. But as for the rest of us there is very little to show for the time that they governed us. It’s hard to sum up just  how they have damaged this country while profiting from that act at the same time.

A small example on the local front around where I live is the potholes on the vast majority of roads around Devon and also along national county lanes across the whole of the UK. The holes in the road, damage cars, increase risks of accidents and are so common are now normal on rural roads here now. The difference in well run effective Ireland and cheap don’t fix it can’t fix it Britain is shameful. Councils across the whole country have had their finances squeezed across the country and cut back. So much so that it’s now normal to have a poor council that can’t pay for what it tries to deliver and councils going bankrupt because they can no longer balance the budgets set before them and by them.

What were once state supplied utilities and activities such as water suppliers and postal delivery services are now private companies. Many of the water companies have racked up debt in order to pump money to their share holders pockets at the expense of refusing to clean up our water supplies or rivers and coastal areas. There is an area called Brixton in Devon that is even suffering from an outbreak of cryptosporidium virus which is still an ongoing outbreak while they announce the increase dividends to their share holders.

If you can’t do the little things its then a question of by just how much are they screwing up the big things.

So an election has now been called for the 4th July 2024 and I hope the Conservative are heavily defeated this time in the UK, before they suck any more of the blood and marrow out of Britain!

Cassetteboy – Tory-Zero (Rishi’s Version)

Technological decluttering!

Or as hypno cat would put it “recycle your electricals”

Recycle Your Electricals: Hypnocat

Oh god don’t make me go back into that place, where the Amazon parcel cardboard lives along with the wrapping paper, old TV, computer screen, countless useless cables, plugs, installation CD’s (for things no longer even installed) and laptops dating back over 20 years – don’t make me go back there again. No, hypno cat, no! 

Ha Ha, it does not feel that bad though maybe it should! I am hopefully having a clear out towards the end of this month of some items all of which really do live in my flat rent free and everything. I’ve always tried to plan to recycle many of these items but I figure most are too old or broken to do anything useful with.

You can pay for the council to remove them or if valuable enough donate to a charity shop or if clapped out enough take to the nearest recycling centre. But you need a car to take them to the recycling centre which I don’t have! But I have asked a friend if he can hopefully assist me when I have some time off work and we should be able to sort most (hopefully as much as possible of it out then.

Prior to that day I need to try and do a bit of prep like seeing if the computers still switch on and if they do wipe their hard drives and google what else I might need to do to them, I also have a collection of mobile phone’s which a programme on BBC 1 called Antique Roadshow would be proud of not so much for how much they might be worth but for how old they are. I could free up quite a bit of cupboard and draw space if I can sort this lot all out this month.

I also have a bedroom with lots of no longer worn clothes and bedding that have not seen the light of day for a good few years, which I must also try and get sorted. Just thinking and typing how much stuff there is, is a little daunting, but I am counting on this being part of the process of sorting this stuff out.

I presently have a little Huawei P30 mobile phone, which has a matching tablet with it, for my day to day needs it works really well but the battery is not as good as it once was and sometimes I can’t get Wi-Fi for it, when other people are not having the same issues with their phone as me. One of the places where I can’t get mobile data or decent Wi-Fi is the office where I work, which is not great, I was all set to purchase a new Motorola phone this evening but resisted. I figure I have had my other phone for 4 years and it still works, so perhaps wait until I have had my recycling sort out of stuff at the end of the month and then perhaps treat myself to a new phone.

What’s that old phrase ‘if it’s not broken, nor stolen, still charges and takes updates don’t throw it away, well something like that!!!

Alas though some of this stuff has long passed its use by date and it’s just now a case of disposing of it responsibly and safely with Hypnocat!

Our Father who Art in algorithm

God be thy source coder!

A new physics paper suggests that we may all be living in a computer simulation.

Ok so this is one of the latest physics theories, which to be honest I am in no position to prove or disprove whether it is correct. But the sheer fact that a top physicist publishes what they believe to be ‘evidence’ that we’re living in a computer simulation is kind of fascinating.

Even if this were to one day be proven correct, just what exactly would that mean? I still have freedom of thought and will to write this article and publish it, so in no way am I being coerced into what to think, say or write. So us digital dudes do have some form of self expression and freedom of movement and thought within this computer simulation, just tapping my foot to confirm I also have freedom of movement, yep that’s true also.

But other bigger questions still appear such as who wrote the program and why and even how is the dam thing run and what happens if it crashes?

Also what would be the consequences of finding out that this is a simulation and would there be any cheats or ways of following or even bending the rules?

What are those rules, who wrote or writes them, is it non-consequential to follow them or are their actions and consequences for what you do, think, say or believe? Is the creator alive or dead or even more mind bending in a simulation themselves?

Also according to the programme why is the world in the situation it is, why do we live in what can be perceived to be a dystopian form of reality than a kinder utopian form of existence. Men and women have always focused on trying to better their existence and improving their lot sometimes even trying to improve the lot of their fellow man and women too. Yet somehow things can so quickly go badly wrong or for want of a better phrase turn to shit more often than not more often on global scale of shear incompetence, greed and downright skulduggery behaviour intent and attitude.   

Another interesting thing that I pondered on this subject is what happens when we die? Are we uploaded to the source (god), are we switched off, deleted or reset and started off in a new sentience?

The whole theory of whether we live in a computer simulation or what type of universe we live within godless, spiritual or deity controlled or uncontrolled has always fascinated me. The idea that there are so many sentient beings on this planet all ticking away with their own thoughts evolving or devolving, being born or dieing, or choosing to think in a certain way or not think at all is kind of fascinating.

Then you go to the next level of whether we are being looked after, controlled, ruled or governed by other thinking sentient beings or one ultimately powerful being that is omnipotent and omnipresent or whether we are just in an a soulless existence not run by anything or one, with no control or existence or even a simulation which runs itself as its created died a long time ago. All of these varying theories on the nature of existence have always fascinated me in many ways and to certain degrees at different times of my life.  

I wonder where in the machine of life or tapestry of existence, your views fit into or flow through to?

If only it were as simple or as dramatic as ‘The Matrix’ and there were sides to choose or rules to follow and or break free from!

The Matrix Resurrections – Official Trailer 1

It’s complicated              

Life has been busy and tiring for me since my Ireland holiday and also with the world in a continuous chaotic crisis, I sometimes just don’t want to type something in case the situation I’m typing about gets even more unstable than that it was when first put into words.

I just tried to shape a thought in my head which is why do people hate and fear refugees or asylum seekers so much, what exactly should we hate and fear them for? Why do they bother coming to a country like the USA or Britain to be hated and feared. why bother?

Well if the country that they lived in was at war or in some form of crisis resulting in no food or shelter, then some would run to the nearest refugee camp. But others not merely wanting to survive but thrive would seek a new life, not just for themselves but for their future generations and if the free world philosophy is to be believed then you would run to those countries that have freedoms for their citizens and a chance to thrive such as the USA or Britain. The USA did not become a great nation by turning people away and just looking after its own. It became a great nation by welcoming those from abroad not turning its back on them.

Admittedly there is not enough room or decent infrastructure within any country to welcome all of the immigrants that would choose to live within their new country of choice. But that does not in any way mean we must demonise people seeking a better life due to the hell of war, climate change and famine within the country they wish to escape from. We should be doing more to protect care for and humanise the living conditions of all people from all over the world. If the countries of the world do not collectively see other countries wars, climate change crisis and famines as there problems then sooner or later those starving and desperate people will turn up on your boarders trying to seek refuge and shelter.

It might be convenient then to blame them for the circumstances that led to the crisis that they finds them in, in your county but by trying to criminalise them or cart them off to an unsafe future is in no way solving the problems for them or clearing countries of their responsibility to other fellow  human beings.

There are many elections coming up in the UK and USA over the next 12 months which will have consequences upon not just you and your life but the lives of those whose very life or death might be in the hands of the politicians that you vote for as to whether they are given help or are hindered shown mercy or demonised so when you do vote, which of course you should really do, think about what and who you vote for and what and who the consequences are for from that vote.   

Read All About It, Pt. III by Emeli Sandé

💕Goodnight sweetheart 💕

Back from Ireland now after a wonderful holiday, I heard some news about a former partner that passed away while I was on a train in Ireland from Galway to Dublin. Her name is Marianne Morgans or Max and she died at the young age of 43. We were close and I last heard from her on the 29th February 2024 when she sent me a lovely message telling me to take care of myself. She would always think of others before herself and had such a loving and good spirit.  

Below is a partial cut of her last message she posted to me through messenger on the 29th February 2024, it shows a great deal about her spirit and love for others I don’t know if she was trying to help and guide me before she passed, talking about my mental health, my brother and the love and support she appreaicated from my family.

Part of Max’s last message sent to is below sent on 29th February 2024 at 1:39am:-

“I remember when you were in Wales, calling me in the middle of the night extremely unwell, confused and scared. And I remember feeling honoured it was me you called. So I knew you were still in there somewhere, trying to get out) You’ve come so far since then. I know you’ve had relapses, and I know you fight every day to keep level. That’s bloody brave! Don’t forget that. The easy way is to not bother with your meds, and let it take over you. But you don’t… you do all you can to stay well! Be proud of yourself! I remember after we broke up, and I was a little heartbroken still, bumping into Andy in the Wheelers, and him saying how impressed he was with you. How it couldn’t be easy as you couldn’t do all the shit he did at your age ( hello recreational party drugs or Colombian marching powder lol) But most of all, how adult and matter of fact you were about it. Or at least that’s what you showed on the outside. He had allot of love for you. Like you did him. I think he looked up to you just as much as you looked up to him. I was a little jealous that you had such an amazing relationship with your sibling and your mum and dad. You’re so much like them both, as caring as your mum, and as funny as your dad. Plus lots of other good things. I actually don’t think you have a bad bone in your body! Unlike me….. you’d be hard pressed to find anything in me that isn’t an asshole lol. I don’t mind, I quite like being an asshole. It means the people who aren’t worth it, or are users piss off fast, and the people who see though my assholeness and stick around, are the best sort of people. There aren’t many, and you’re definitely one of them . You don’t tolerate my bullshit and can see the real me…… which is vulnerable in some aspects. I don’t like people seeing that, as they try to take advantage… some manage it. I just wish you’d bloody tell me when you’re struggling. Because you told me years ago what sort of things happen to you when you’re spiralling , and when you’re in full blown psychosis. It doesn’t frighten me, or makes me think less of you. In fact, I think more of you because you’re reaching out… that means you’re asking for help even if you don’t realise it at the time. Please send my love to Mr E. your parents were the first parents to not look at me like trash. Treat me well even though I was poor as fuck. They didn’t care. I’ve tried to be a bit like Mrs E. poverty is the normal down here. Allot of parents numb themselves on the money they get for their kids …..( and that’s not a judgement… it’s a sad reality and it isn’t their fault. Being poor and not knowing how you’re going to feed everyone takes its toll. So they think … fuck it. And spend it on drink and drugs: use the food bank to feel the family and then numb themselves) ….. The amount of other people’s teenagers clothes I’ve washed and dried… I’ve lost count. All their clothes and bedding so dirty they’re crusty and solid. Them being so ashamed they don’t come to the house. Just help Lauren or Tom carry it all up, and run away because they don’t want to see how disgusted I might be. And … I’m never disgusted. It isn’t their fault. My reward is when the kids tell me how happy they are, wearing clothes that aren’t stiff with dirt. Clean knickers and bras. Fresh bedding … often the first good nights sleep in months. I think I probably look like how Mrs E would look when I ate 3 meals a day at a normal time lol. She’s such a material person just she 🙂basically….. when I was with you and your family, it’s the safest I’d ever really felt. Before or since. You all had a positive impact on my life. I think you all should know that. People don’t say thank you enough in my opinion. Anyhoo… ill stop rambling at you now. Please stay in touch, even when you’re well and life is good ( which you absolutely deserve) Sending you big hugs. And I’m here whenever you need me, or just want to say hello and a quick update. Much love my sweet. Xxxx

Damien Rice – the Blower’s daughter

Facebook Outage!

I survived the great Facebook outage of March 2024 and you know what, so did you my friend!

I tried to login to Facebook today when it turns out it had already been down for about 3 hours and it was asking me to enter password, at this time I realised I had about 3 passwords in my phone for it and was unsure which was the right one and the fact that none of them were working was even more confusing. I then had a message come saying they would send me a message through whatsapp with a code that I had to enter and access facebook, that did not work either, so they also offered me the option of sending a text to my phone which of course did not work either.

While all this was going on I was also logging onto google to check out if there was any news on Facebook having crashed and reassuringly all over the internet there were many articles about it being down and also a comment I could relate to saying  “Anyone else freak out and think they was being hacked?” well yes for a second yes I did.

Funny how when I was a teenager I had no mobile phone or concept of wifi and yet now in a time such as this, in a county such as mine, a mobile phone with wifi and a pair of glasses on to read what is or ia not working on the screen, are all taken for granted as essential parts of everyday life. So when it stops working we try to work out what has gone wrong or what the heck s going on.

I also wanted to send a message to friends and joke around with them but on messenger or Facebook saying that the computer is now fighting back and the revolution has began, so see you on the other side! But luckily for them I could not as facebook and messenger where still down!

The Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Pt. 1

So Spring has sprung

Now in March I hope that spring brings green shoots of optimism and a little bit of budding of new and fresh positivity like from the first sighting of snowdrops to blue bells in fields of raw emotion in woodlands of ages past. Where hope spring eternal and I am pleased to hope that a little bit more of a positive attitude and things to believe in are finally here.

Though life does not unfold like a story written in a book, often enough with chapters of trials leading to happy endings. We still interpret what is happening and write it down to share as if it were a story or as though we have a tale to tell.

One thing I am grateful to discover and am seeing alot at the moment is the value of friendships, in work, within family, at home and socially too from talking , texting, meeting and greeting and sharing moments too.

That lift you up too!

People really have shown compassion, strength of belief in me and support in a way I sometimes don’t expect. Or I sometimes expect to have to cope alone in life or on my own without the support of others, where as in reality to have that support of a call or text at a certain time or a shared drink in a bar or cheering of a song I have sung and assistance with a task in work are all very much valued moments in time which are very much appreciated.  

A rare last min photo of me, late night and scruffy but well its been taken now!

I am very much normally expect to rely on myself, but I have had a number of people remind me that I don’t need to do this all the time and that is comforting to see hear and know. As you get older you might think in some ways you are more alone but I feel if you give life and people a chance and reach out to others there is a chance that they will reach back to you too.  

Fast Changes by Seal

Andy Edwards nearly 9 years since we lost you.

A leap year is now and will always be kind of strange time for me it will never reflect a good or normal year but will always be present with me for as long as I live as a day after the anniversary of my bros death . The thing is my brother departed from his life this world and our planet on the early morning of the 28th of February 2015 and so the first year anniversary of his death was a leap year, so this year is not just an anniversary of his death but an anniversary of another leap year taking place without him or the third lep year to be exact and 9 years in total time since he took his life.

Andy Edwards my bro

I still hate the fact that he felt willing, able and hurt so bad and in some ways determined enough to take his own life. Me and my Dad had headed to my Dads house waiting for my brother to travel up from Cornwall to Devon, the night he took his own life so my Dad could discussing with him how much money he could borrow in order to help him change or turn his life around. Don’t get me wrong he paid his own way and was not broke he just wanted a career change and financial help to help him sort things out and get his career back on track. My brother was worried that his career was at a loose end and he was about to be made redundant from his job.

At the time you think these things are certainly going to be stresses for him but not enough to kill a man! I have found this year a struggle which i have not been afraid to admit in my life and in my posts and thought there is no magic solution I am doing ok and continuing to try and sort myself out. But that one night, that one night when my brother felt very bad and in a dark space he took the ultimate sanction and judgement on himself taking his life and from there we all have to pick up the pieces and continue with out ever being able to go back and retake the steps we have now taken after he left us.

A death ripples through other lives in time and space it burns, hurts and results in an unfillable void. If you or anyone you might know are ever are in that zone all I can say from having lost a brother, friend and seen my parents lose their first born son is please help and try to think again and ask them or yourself, does this really have to cause the damage and hurt you are about to cause to the ones you love, is there absolutely no alternative for you or them to no longer being on earth and alive today.

I went to a karaoke night tonight and sung my little heart out and got talking to a couple of good friends about my brother and his loss and found a good connection with them that i did not already have concerning the situation.

So sad 9th anniversary of your departing Andy Edwards will occur on 28th February 2024, I will always look forward to seeing you on the other side, but not just yet my brother and friend, not just yet.  

I have mentioned this song before its The Killers – All the Things I’ve Done!

To me I’m singing my little heart out about my brother asking God to let him in to Heaven – He’s got soul and he was a soldier, god bless you Andy hope you are doing well where every your spirit is.