At age 47 and ¼ I bought my first bookcase last week

Yep it’s true on the plus side I am one more step closer to being an adult and on the downside it’s err true I am one more step closer to being an adult.

I must admit my collection of books is and has always been very eclectic mix for example I have a book of poems from a great local Exeter Poet called Steve Carnell – who a while back used to do the open mic circuit and read out his awesome poems on great drunken lad’s nights out he is an awesome guy and once close friend –but as times move on so did he.

Book of Poems called the 23^rd Mojo by Steve Carnell

The next wonderful human that I know or knew who wrote another awesome book is the lovely Barbara Haddrill – She wrote an eco travel book called Babs to Brisbane about her eco travel to of all places Brisbane in order to be a bridesmaid at her friend’s wedding. Babs is such a wonderful talented and inspirational person.

My next book is not by someone I know but I think the front cover title changed and influenced my entire life from the day that I read it to this. It’s called ‘The only planet of choice’ – it’s at the very least a mind opening spiritual and philosophical fantasy concerning the evolution of earth, you, me and the universe – the choices that we make and how they impact on everyone and everything and ripple through time and space and at most it is something so much more than that!

My next book was a gift from my mum to make my book collection look a little more sensible and again adult like. It’s called RSPB Handbook of British Birds. I found it very handy when trying to identify the birds along my street and on my bird table during lockdown back in the old days of covid lockdown times.

My fiaal book that I am showing is a dream dictionary and I have a few of these but this is by far my favourite one which is by Russell Grant and is his Illustrated Dream Dictionary. I’m on my second copy of this book now as the first fell apart from me waking up too many times in the middle of the night and grabbing it and quickly trying to see what it thought about my dreams and then chucking it back on the floor when I had finished and went back to sleep. To this day I swear I am not sure if one of those darn dreams or nightmares has come true yet! But it was always interesting to read the interpretation and Russell Grant always put a positive spin on dreams and nightmares’ which from an early age I have found comforting.

Oh well onwards and upwards. Well speaking of onwards and upwards or flashing outwards with less brightness I think my TV might be on the blink and the back light might be about to give out – looks like another adult purchase might be on the cards – oh bugger, TV Don’t go dark on me just yet.

Distance, Light & Sky – Don’t Go Dark On Me

It’s OK to sometimes not feel OK!

The mind and how it manages emotions is a strange and extremely complex process, one which has not really been understood by many for as long a time as when we thought that we started to think! If we knew how to take good care of our emotional wellbeing and manage our thought processes, then I am sure we would like to think we would be a whole lot better position as a species at providing a better life to ourselves and our fellow humans.

Global political issues are sadly still savagely brutal at the moment and I still struggle to watch the news on TV, or read bits of newspaper articles and political memes on the internet. When I do and they give me a brief snapshot of what is going on, but it’s mostly a grim picture to still see. I do feel as a somewhat grown up adult that it’s some thing of a responsibility to try and stay in touch with local, national and global affairs but it does become information overload at times and leaves me feeling a little overwhelmed, sick and helpless.

In my little bubble, things should be good. Work is going well, Santa has just offered the elves a pay rise before Christmas, which will really help as things have been a bit of a squeeze at times this year. The one over arching issue that hurt today, (I think) is that, I tried to reach out to an old university friend that I have not seen or heard from in about 28 years and as far as I can see I have been completely blanked and not seen as worthy of communicating with now. This really has hurt, I feel quite stupid for being upset over something as potential insignificant in the big scheme of things as this but it still upsets me and sadly makes me feel very frustrated and helpless.

I just can’t believe I am over thinking this and feel quite sad and vulnerable because of it. There are lots of things in my life I could get upset about if my brain was ‘normal’ such as the fact I have lost my only brother, have no child or children or no partner to grow old with and feel like I have left it far too late to sort those things out now. Oh and the fact that the world is potentially going to hell in hand cart with global warfare and warming! Though weirdly I can rationalise those dark thoughts and on a ‘normal’ or good day or year manage those thoughts and feelings, and do my best to come to terms with them or have learned and still learning to live with them or change the things I can and accept those that I cannot.

But suddenly out of the blue I find a friend on the internet and try to make contact with her and hear nothing back and it suddenly send me into a spin of negativity, which I just don’t like or understand. I can count on just one hand the people that I was once close to that have chosen to cut me out of their life or refuse to accept friend requests on Facebook or choose not to reply to an email or text. It does not happen every day or every year come to that, but has happened and I find it very distressing and it just hurts. We all want to be respected and loved at some level and when someone makes a conscious effort to keep out of your life or not acknowledge a text or email then it makes you feel no matter how cool or good a person you thought you were or try to be your not good or cool enough for them.

I know in my head you can’t be accepted by all that you want to accept you, or respected by those you want to respect from too, or speak to all those you have something to say too. But it does not stop my emotions become a little wobbly and hurt when these things do or don’t happen as you hope they should or could.

Arcadian Refugee – the search for a new drinking hole continues!

I have stopped watching a lot of the main national and international news stories at present as not able to stomach the reality of Gazan civilians being killed or Trump being re-elected as US president. I am also still mindful of posting views that might offend too. I sometimes don’t mind throwing in the odd social commentary hand grenade into a conversation or blog post but it has to have purpose and not just explode in someone’s mind for sheer effect.

As mentioned a while back my local favourite pub called the Arcade closed and I and a few other people are still looking for a local drinking hole to be accepted in that we feel comfortable to hang around in. There is a pub called the Ship in the centre of Town which is great in its own way but due to its location for Tourists and locals gets very busy, which can be nice some of the time but not all the time. They have a karaoke night there too but normally so busy I can only get up and sing one song and I get so nervous singing there that it’s not really enjoyable doing it anyway.

So I am hoping to try another bar called The Bishop Blaize this Friday and see what that is like they also do a karaoke night there too (are you seeing there is a pattern forming of places to go to here!)

I never thought the art of finding the perfect pub could be so difficult. There are so many things to take into consideration. Such as the location, price of drinks, types of drinks, the locals that drink there and whether they are friendly or whether there are too many or not enough of them, what music they play and what nights they put on and when and also whether you can smoke there and where you can smoke (not that I do smoke, but some of my friends still do).

I grew up in a village where the pub had been running for over 100 years and it was great fun there too. But now that I live in a city (a small city at that) you get to choose where you want to spend your hard earned cash. Though having lots of choice does not make that choice any easier and with all the competition lots of pubs come and go!

I try and only venture out to the pub once a week these days as I have diabetes and need to take tablets each evening after a meal which I don’t think would go down well with beer or at least not well with lots of beers. After an annual review in October my doctor said that I needed to double the dosage of my diabetes medication which was only one tablet a day to two now which I think is better than having to have an injection of insulin each day.

But I am mindful not to drink too much or skip taking the medication. When I had my diabetes review I at first heard that my weight had stayed the same over the last 12 months (and it’s a relief not to have put weight on, for sure). But finding out my blood sugars had gone up and my body was even worse at breaking down sugars was a real disappointment as this had previously been going well for the last few years.

So back to the beer sellers and my search for a new watering hole continues and its quality of a night out now over quantity of nights out. The search for the next best bar in Exeter continues.

Chumbawamba – Tubthumping

What makes a government not work in the interest of the people?

You must first define who does a government consider to be the people or more precisely ‘it’s people’. It’s citizens that live within it’s boarders? it’s voters that elected it into power? It’s own politicians that vote through its laws and or its own financial backers that fund campaigns and promote voting habits or those that profit from the decisions that it makes and advocate the policies it enacts? Sadly in the UK for many years now there has been an overwhelming consensus of opinion from those in power or promoted by those who influence and determine the policies of those in power to simply make choices that are cost saving to them, whilst at the expense of the people and results in profiteering at the expense of people, whilst decreasing quality of the goods and assets and services for people of the UK, whilst continuing to charge more for those ever decreasing quality of goods, services and assets.

A considerable proportion of people in the UK can no longer look forward to getting educated, to have a job, to buy a home and a roof over our head and then one day retire. There are no longer the quantity or quality of homes, and we no longer have the backup of a strong government to support us in providing decent water, homes, roads or medical services to us. What we receive now in all aspects of goods and services is of a poorer quality that it was prior to when the conservatives came to power in the UK and yes this is a political and policy lead problem very much caused as a result of the government decision making processes no longer working in the interest of the people but for the profiteering of the few.

This country and its people is experiencing the perfect storm of greed and incompetence, where it is perceived to not only be necessary and good in corporate and capitalist orthodoxy and that there is no alternative to exploitive capitalist ventures being only way of doing things.

This is a political view and economic choice done in order to grease the wheels of the economy and the system so as to get what can be done, done. To say this is the only way is a lie and a profitable one at that, which politicians that profit from this system tell themselves, tell us and tell those that do their bidding or profit themselves from what is being done.

A simple example of how exploiting others works well in the UK for people in power at the expense of the people and is designed to succeed over delivering a good service to the many and profit to the few. I moved into my housing association over 15 years ago and in that time it and many other housing associations have been bought up and by bigger more profitable housing associations.

What makes them bigger and more profitable is to do less work to their tenants housing stock, the less you do the more money you have to spend and can be seen to be a more profitable housing association. The more money you have means you can buy up smaller housing associations. Therefore do less and buy more puts your competitors out of business and makes you too big to be bought yourself. The quality of service to the housing tenants decreases as the profits to the associations increases. My first housing association had a community housing officer that helped me get a job assisted with me getting shoes and clothing to attend an interview which I got and was a win, win for all concerned.

A second example of a failing normal everyday inadequate, under delivering incompetent public good is that of the UK water utilities and their failure to clean up water pollution and profiteering at the expense of the people. Water utilities have been providing money to share holders whilst failing to cleanup our waterways or future proofing water sector. It’s more profitable and economical to pay money out to share holders and pay out fines for pollution that it is to spend the money on cleaning up on said waterways in the first place and then being able to sell shares in a clean and working water industry. Government bodies designed to monitor and fine waterways are too weak in order to force water companies to change to do what they should have been doing all along which is providing clean water to customers and through clean waterways. The failing current model of delivery and service is a politically sanctioned choice that fails the people but works for water companies and government bodies and decision makers and profiteers.

Purely focusing on profit at the top as a business model only, fails society and fails to join the dots of the whole economy or social structure that it operates within. For example legislating to have housing association that can enable its tenants to take the next step after having a roof put over their heads to make steps towards going into employment so as to be able to fund that roof over their heads themselves is priceless and as a service to tenants should not be priced out of the housing model. With regard to our waterways having clean and usable rivers and beaches is so health for the people and wildlife that use those waterways (and sadly as this is not reflected on the profit sheets of a water utility they see no gain to themselves to provide this service effectively) But the costs of not cleaning up the environment for our wildlife and for people that cannot use their polluted areas are not on anyone’s costs and balances spreadsheets.

I always want to express the view that it pays to be kind, it is cost effective to care and that it is short sighted not to care and ultimately we all pay the price when no one cares both politically and personally.

If the UK is designed to be run down or at breaking point in the eyes of its own citizens or getting worse by the day then it is easier for politicians here to pedal their lies that we should not help those from abroad if we live in such a crap country that cannot help itself. If we were well governed we would no longer have our own countries government acting incompetently as an excuse to not help others.

Frank Turner – Be More Kind

Gaza City on life support

the Israel government has chosen to turn the power off on that life support, which will result in many innocent people in their hospitals beds in Gaza City having nowhere to be moved to or treated plugged into machines that no longer work. Still preparing for a ground invasion which might well have started by the time this post has been read or is up on my site.

At least 1,400 people are now believed to have died in the massacre committed by Hamas and so many tears and lives have been shed on both sides of this week’s war. A Terrorist organisation or a counties government that have a strong will and desire, capability and capacity to kill the innocent in any place and on any side should be fought against and stopped at every turn.

The backing and following of international humanitarian norms and rights has in many ways helped save lives and to a greater extent keep the peace. But conflicts do continue to flare up across the globe and get out of control from time to time and human rights and right to life are side stepped or disregarded completely.

Some current global views around the world seem to imply that human rights are no longer important to them or atrocities are acceptable so long as your side is the only side commuting them and that you can get away with that and not be inflicted back on their side. Also the view that might is right and if you can kill an enemy then they are no longer get back up to defend themselves or come back and do worse to their enemies.

But how many innocent lives on one side of a boarder justify the killing of innocent lives on the other side of that boarder. With all is going on, the fear for many is where will it all end and when, how much of a price will be paid by people for the actions of those in power with guns and bombs, that making the decisions on either side to choose to end the lives of the innocent as a politically calculated policy in order to move their cause further down a bloody corpse scattered road.

The First World War started in August 1914. It would last for more than four years, and kill about nine million people in uniform. In the same time period the war and other violent conflicts would kill an estimated twenty million civilians. The world would never be the same. World War II was the largest and most violent military conflict in human history. Official casualty sources estimate battle deaths at nearly 15 million military personnel and civilian deaths at over 38 million.

Hostile and dangerous events and action can spin out of control and lead to greater conflict and suffering within the blink of an eye. Israel does have a right to defend itself but what about the rights of Palestinian citizens to life. With Israel openly stating its mission to eradicate a terrorist group and its members who live within Gaza and amongst the people of Gaza, we will have to wait and see who Israel is prepared to kill and how those killings are going to take place and what impact this has on shaping of the region and globe.

U2 – Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own

A situation where having an opinion will offend

Gaza ‘soon without fuel, medicine and food’ say Israel authorities. Gaza is ruled by Hamas militants but Israel controls the airspace and its shoreline. Israel also restricts who and what goods can cross the borders. Since the attacks on Israel began on Saturday morning, Israel has stopped all supplies entering Gaza, including food and medicine.

There used to be a phrase known as ‘Collateral damage’ during war the unintentional deaths and injuries of people who are not soldiers, and damage that is caused to their homes, hospitals, schools. By cutting of all in gaza of food, medicine and fuel while bombing people within this area and most likely going in with soldiers and tanks into Gaza also this is a huge statement by Israel to say that when you kill our civilians and soldiers we will strike back by killing civilians where you live as well as Hamas militants.

What is potentially most scary about the whole war scenario for me is that how state sanctioned murder on the side of Hamas is shamed and condemned loudly by states and citizens across the western world and yet the blood that will be spilled from the decisions made by Israeli politicians is supported and applauded by those very same people and politicians that condemn what Hamas has and is doing.

So what is a solution to this situation – Difficult to see one happening sadly!

There are several things that prevent a long term solution.

1) Some Jewish people and politicians believe they have a fundamental right to own and occupy the land of Israel and expand this land at the expense of the people of Gaza city and Palestine.

2) Some Palestinian and Gaza city militants and politicians believe they have a fundamental right to own and occupy the land of Israel and prevent the expansion of Israel into the Gaza city and Palestine.

3) Democratic parties in Israel, Palatine and Gaze city are fractured there is no majority agreement on any sides on a collective solution or bargaining point on how things can move forward for all sides.

4) The majority ruling militants in Gaza city and Israel ruling power want to kill the other side.

5) There is no peace process in process and there has not been one for quite some decades now.

6) Extreme actors with the support of those with guns rule the state of play, govern or control citizens on both sides.

7) The trauma this is causing to each side, polarisation and unfortunate growth of extremism on both sides is not a long term solution for peace for anyone in Israel, Palestine or Gaza city.

‘All the world will be your enemy’ – Quote from Richard Adams writer of Watership Down.

With what the citizens are going through on both sides reminds me of the film Watership Down. Where a warren of rabbits are warned by supernatural experience by the rabbit seer called Fiver of an almost apocalyptical vision in which is a warning that they are no longer safe in their own warren and must move on if they are to survive.

After a great deal of storytelling, unfolding conflict and some deaths along the way the rabbits do make it to a new homeland. In Israel, Palestine and along the Gaza state that’s essentially all of what the majority of citizens want on either side is ‘their’ homeland or a homeland.

Until some sort of compromise can be reached or international and local agreement on whose homeland is whose, then the suffering and deaths on all sides will still sadly continue.

Art Garfunkel ~ Bright Eyes

Last orders at the bar

My lovely local bar on Fore Street in Exeter will be calling last orders at the bar for the final time this Saturday. I have a lot of good memories of this place and fond memories of the people that I met within it and the friendly atmosphere and smiling happy faces the greeted me in it. It is my number one place to go to unwind and sing a tune at at the end of the week on their karaoke night on a Thursday.

For a few reasons with which I will never truly probably know the exact in and outs of it has struggled at the moment which has effected foot fall and in truth became a little bit of a viscous cycle of potential decline.

Damien the lovely landlord would at time struggle to hire staff to help him with serving drinks or keeping the place clean and that meant people could come into the bar without knowing whether their particular drink would be being served or wether the toilets had been cleaned and supplied with toilet roll that evening.

Damien is the handsome pirate dude on the right

I did fear this day would come and so have been trying to find a nice bar in Exeter to go into once a week but nothing comes close to the Arcade really, when I make my last trip out this week I must try and remember to get peoples phone numbers that are not on facebook and make sure I try and keep in contact with them.

The one consistent thing that never changes about life no matter how hard you plan, hope or pray it won’t, is that people and places continue to evolve and change. Whether through circumstance within or out of our control and the closing of this bar is just another one of those constantly changing things.

Damien is a young man in his early 30’s, mind you and he is very much looking to his next pub venture in Exeter and he does a man with white van service for those looking to shift some stuff around and earn him some extra cash.

So this Thursday I am planning on going to the Arcade for their last karaoke night in their present venue and look forward to also seeing the lovely pub dog Checkers.

Semisonic – Closing Time

Happy 70th Birthday Mum

We celebrated my mum’s 70^th birthday this week. We went to the Tom Cobley Tavern, which is a lovely pub in the village of Spreyton where I grew up. We all have such good memories of this place and Mum, Dad and Dad’s partner have not all been here for quite a few years and we have certainly not been here all together for a while too. We all had a lovely day with mum and Dad and Dad’s partner Shamen catching up with old friends from the village of Spreyton. There were 12 of us at the meal in the bar which Dad also used to work in and the meal was lovely and the cake that we had made for Mum’s birthday looked beautiful and tasted absolutely delicious.

Words can hurt or heal

So what did yours do today?

I have just watched the following speech which I would definitely recommend you watch too about the power of words.

Mohammed Qahtani – The Power of words

I love to write words and speak them at times, to change or influence a point of view or perception on reality or life.

A friend of mine discovered or invented the phrase “a social hand grenade” as soon as I heard it I thought what a cool expression, what it meant was to throw a word or phrase into a conversation that would have maximum impact and if you did it to the right person or people at the right time to blow their mind too. I thought to myself what a great concept.

Over the years I have tried to put words into a conversation so as to have a positive impact on the person that I am speaking to rather than a negative. Although more often than not in the sad and disappointing times of my life when I have been sad and angry I have said things that still haunt me to this day.

More often than not to women that I thought had spurned me or decided they were openly no longer or perhaps never even had been in love with me. I remember to this day not perhaps the exact words that I said but the memory of a moment in which those words were said and though they can never be taken back nor the moment vanish from time I do hope I have learnt from those occasions so that in the future in a similar circumstance I do not try to feed my own ego by trying to bring someone else down.

If life has hopefully taught me any lesson it is the one that conflict through words and deeds just for the sheer sake of it bears as much fruitful as a cherry tree in the desert with no water.

Gabrielle Aplin – The Power of Love

Wishes Of Happiness And Prosperity

Last week there were and still are a number of ongoing difficulties affecting people that I care a great deal about and there have been some real tragedies and sadness as well as financial difficulties and obstacles affecting friends in and around Exeter – some of those troubles might be sorted overnight some might take a lifetime to be worked upon (or what feels like a lifetime anyway).

I hope those of you going though difficulties at this time know that you are loved, respected and admired for doing your best and trying your hardest to do what you can do with all you have.

I just want to say you are not alone, have never been alone and with the friendship and family you have and with the strength and depth of your characters you can do and be what you choose to do and be.

My brother had a Native American spirit guide that would assist and guide him in both times of peace and chaos and I love the concepts that I read about Native American culture, philosophy and music and with that in mind I try to express how I feel about loved ones and friends today through there perceptions beliefs and below music too.

Yeha-Noha (Wishes of happiness and prosper) – Sacred Spirit

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