My brother the spirit guide

My brother would have been 50 this year but sadly he took his own life on 28th February 2015, 7 years ago today. It still seems unreal that he is not still here and each year my parents and I mark both his birthday and the day he died.

The pain that a parent goes through from having lost a son or daughter is a pain that I cannot comprehend. I don’t know how much their heart would break if they were ever to lose me too before my time was due to.

My brother was a spirit medium; he could see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. For those non-believers in god, the supernatural or life beyond this one you would think him delusional or at best misinformed. But my brother was a man of honour and a truth seeker as well a truth speaker. So I knew what he lived through and experienced from the other side was real.

My Brother Andrew

Although I don’t have his gifts to communicate with the dead I do like to believe I have a good relationship with god and am able to have a good insight into what god wants expects and needs from me and others and what is the right way to interpret gods teachings and what is a negative or self serving interpretation of Gods teachings.

I am no teacher or preacher and like to think I have a personal relationship with God one crafted through my existence from before the day I was born and hopefully to be continued after the day I die too.

To me god is love.

You can write a book and put it within a library of books all explaining what in fact god is and what that means and some people might still never understand a simple truth such as that and what it means to live a life that loves God.

As God is everywhere and knows everything, your deepest darkest thoughts and deeds, then you can’t just justify and hide the bad things you do to God or bullshit God.  You can swindle, lie and cheat your way though this life in front of and behind the men and women you know or have power over or have power over you. But you won’t be able to cheat, swindle and have your lies be believed by God.

I think and hope that even though my brother took his own life that he still has a good relationship with God and I very much look forward to discussing this with my brother when I pass on to the other side myself.

There are many ways he could have survived the night that he died and it was not for lack of trying to save his live by some of the people that love him very much who tried to stop him from taking his life.

My brother also has or had a Native American spirit guide that he lived with and communicated and guided him through his life and I like to think he had a kinship with Native Americans. I have a photo of us as children playing Indians & Indians (no cowboys in our crew)

In life he was always the spirit warrior and I was more or a spiritual philosopher or truth seaker of the word of god. God bless you brother.

Sacred Spirit – Yeha Noha

Putin The Antidemocratic President

I am not a Christian so do not believe there will one day be an anti-Christ, my father told me when I was young that many people believed that Hitler was the anti-Christ due to the amount of atrocities he had willingly committed and this to me seemed plausible.

One of my fears concerning anti-Christ theory’s is that they are constantly looking for one and accusing others that they are one and that we therefore are living in the end of days all the time. At the time of Jesus some of his believes then truly with all their hearts also belived that they to were living in the end times and 2000 years later the debate still rages on amongst people of strong religious beliefs across a whole spectrum of religions about when are they going to happen and who is the anti-christ or leader of evil.  So I hope and pray that there is no anti-christ and that Putin is therefore not one to.

Darth Putin

Putin is weaving us down his very dark path through time immemorial. He is building his legacy on the bones & bodies of the dead ordered at his command. The non-believer in the freedom of thought, action and expression of individuals. The denier of Sovereignty to states and denier of democratic rights of his own citizens as well as those of others, well he does not have my vote.

His actions are not those of someone that wishes to protect others, but punish them from straying from his hell bent perception of the world. The strength of will of the people of Ukraine really shames Putin and all that he stands for.  

I thought you could not kill an ideal once born into this world. I now know thanks to Ukraine you can’t kill a nation that knows it has the right to exist.

From Russia with blood

It looks like the capital of Ukraine could be occupied this evening. Putin’s potential intensions and what his agenda really might be in the longterm for the world and for Ukraine is chilling and leaves me cold. Putin does not lay his cards on the table, but keeps them guarded close to his chest, if he were to reveal his true nature and agenda it would likely be chilling to his own citizens and also leave them cold too as well as the rest of the world.

What I believe about Putin is that he believes the cold war never ended, the Soviet Union should still exist and although the west thought it won the cold war and defeated Russian communism, he still wishes to reignite a spark of war across the continent of Europe and fight a cold war.

Putin has murdered and jailed political opponents, does not accept the rule of international law or accept peoples rights to govern themselves or the sovereignty of other nations and believes in the power of a totalitarian one man state of power over the power of the people.

He believes he can do what he can get away with and that his might is right and you don’t tell the truth in order to try to win a good argument or inflict your will on others. He has no respect for the international community or rule of law. I don’t think there is any way now of appeasing Putin and the only solution to stop his blooding of other nations and the citizens therein will be when he is removed from power. For someone that has cemented his own power base in such a way that he has it will not be easy to hold Putin accountable or to stop him in his tracks.    

 I just don’t see his thirst being quenched when and if Ukraine falls.  

Coldplay – Spies

Putin moves to war

A grim milestone in the history of Russia as a ‘special military operation’ or invasion by any over name unfolds live on the TV. Watching the UN security council live on TV which crazily Russia happens to be the ‘chair’ of the council at present allowing people to speak condemning it. Chairing a meeting about its own aggression and war mongering seems most bizarre.

It seems more likely now that Putin will invade a sovereign nation or is as I type is invading a sovereign nation live. The 23 February in Russia was Defender of the Fatherland Day, it should instead be known as the blooding of thy neighbour day.

Inflicting regime change on Ukraine a sovereign and democratically elected state, government and people is basically a way of Putin sticking up two fingers to the rest of the free world, while again blooding his hands with the blood of his neighbours.

I am not a Christian but am a god fearing man and Christianity and Christ teachs us all a great deal at times of peace as well as things to reflect at a time when you know that one man (Putin) has ordered the deaths and is off to war with others.

Dire Straits – Brothers in Arms

Tsar Putin – The Gas Father

As Russian troops mass on the Ukrainian border and worries of the invasion grow, Russian President Vladimir Putin continues to peddle a familiar Russian line about the conflict: that Ukraine belongs to Russia and that the two are “one people — a single whole.”

All men are created equal [but some are more equal than others]

Not only that but his peddling his hate for the west from his regurgitating of his view of the history of the world he also now extends his views into the perception that he is the enemy of the west and he is the righteous good guy in the unfolding history of the world. Democracy smocracy who cares if you have freedom of thought for your people, freedom to vote by your people, freedom of speech about people, when in the past you used to be the bad guys right you gave birth to slavery, Hitler and colonialism.

Russia on the other hand has in the past starved and murdered its own people under the leadership of past Tsars and Communist leaders in the name of power and progress. No one is innocent under the magnifying glass of a historian, whilst at the same time no one should be tard with the same brush and we should certainly not aspire to repeat the mistakes of the past. If Putin has no intentions of rights wrongs of the past it’s all about power it has only ever been about power and will always be about power.

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men. -John Dalberg.

In reality, Ukraine has long been distinct from Russia, and Putin’s current mythologizing of the Russia-Ukraine relationship fits a pattern of falsehoods designed to reconstitute imperial glory, and more importantly, to shield Putin from the threat of democracy in former Soviet republics — and possibly in Russia itself.

Putin is not the only old fossil on the block as he has huge reserves of natural gas to play with and presently supplies 40% of the European market. The more he has a hissy fit and continues to turn the screw on anyone he deems fit to then the greater the power to inflict pain on others he can flex.

 Ukraine, for its part, is distinct from Russia in many ways and has been influenced by a number of different cultures, including by Central European countries in the west, and present-day Greece and Turkey in the south. Over the centuries Ukraine was also conquered by a number of different groups, including the Mongols, Lithuanians, Poles, Austrians, and Swedes, as well as, eventually, the Russian Empire during the reign of Catherine the Great.

 You would not see Britain reinterpreting its own history to reinvade Ireland simply because some people in Northern Ireland see themselves as British and end up starting World War 3 off the back of it. Well that is exactly the position Putin is putting the world in due to his beliefs and propaganda around the Ukraine.

Gabrielle Aplin – Light Up The Dark

Sleep is my drug of choice!

Having survived my teenage years of drug experimentation in the 90’s with an eye on the cool hippies of the 60’s I am very grateful to be alive today, without too many side effects emanating from my past. With that in mind now sleep is probably the main mind altering substance I seek to use these days.

An ode to Sleep

When my head is weary and my eyes tired too,

There is gentleness in the dark,

I can close my eyes and can no longer see a view.

Though I do not seek to live in darkness all my life,

I do enjoy the rest bite for a while,

I can find peace when I fall asleep at night.

Recharge my batteries for another day.

Without such darkness I might not appreciate what I see tomorrow,

or appreciated the new point of view.

So when the next problem comes my way,

I’ll sleep on it and see what I can do.

Birdy – Keeping Your Head Up

Happy Lunar New Year & it’s also my blogs birthday

The Lunar New Year celebration is intended to usher in a year of luck and prosperity. It’s time to close the chapter on the old one and welcome the year of the tiger.

It appears I find it easier to celebrate my websites birthday easier than I do my own. Congratualtions to me to writing in this space for another year, well done me! I don’t worry about my own birthday coming around so much, but I used to feel wow another year has been achieved well done, where as at the moment on new years day or my birthday it feels more like what the hell has just happened in the last 12 months, I hope that everyone that I care about is still ok. Whereas celebrating the maintenance and management of a blog is an achievement in itself.  

As a dyslexic that struggles to write a word let alone find time to have the energy to write a word down I am pleased about what I do here. I have never been short of imagination or thoughts, or at least I don’t think have. People often describe people like me as someone that thinks to deeply or over thinks things. But I like to see myself more as having an ability to say and do the simple things that I sometimes think we should all do like speak or write the truth to power and friends.  

You can always sugar coat a perception or opinion that is not one that a person sees or wants to see or might find hard to look at. At many times in many ways I think others view my perception on life as a little delusional perception of reality and at times they would probably be right but when you look at problems or ideas from different angel’s or view points you are nearly always bound to see something that the eyes of other either could not see or closed their eyes to.    

After all it would be boring if we all did and said the same thing from the same view point. Our opinions and views are shapped and born along the paths we walk alone as well as influenced from the views of those we know.

Villagers – Set The Tigers Free

What is poltical theft?

If those at the top of a countries political structure are ruthless and power hungry or weak and incompetent does it really matter whether you live in a democracy or a dictatorship? Of course it does as in a democracy if you perceive your elected leader to be ruthless and power hungry or incompetent and weak, if you don’t like what their policies or disagree with how they impact on you then you can legally express opposition to them, protest against them and also vote against them. Where as in a one party/person state to disagree with the leader or the state you very much risk your own liberty or life.

How do we measure a successful state? If by economic productivity alone then should we all be in factories controlled by the state mass producing products to sell to the rest of the world or rampant free market capitalism with no rules on how to make money or exploit people and places or even state controlled factories with no limits to damaging the natural environment or constraints on impacts to citizens health and wellbeing?

Are citizens merely guinea pigs caught and put into cages, running around on exercise wheels as pets to those in political and/or economic power for their service and amusement? Are young angry men sent to war to die to keep down the population of young angry men and give them something to do whilst giving the deaths meaning at the sacrificial alter of the righteous state at the expense of the right to life of said young men.

A strong and vibrant political ecosystem should be a balance of enabling the potential and practical achievement of the greatest good, determined by the greatest number and extended to the largest amount of people within the boundaries’ of what is fare and justified to do and how people are entitled to live according to what a citizens human rights are or should be aspired to be. A fare system is not one that spends beyond its means in order to provide everything to everyone, but one that legislates and governs within its means in order to ensure those that it serves are served as best as they can be. This might be on the local level of a town ensuring that we live in safe communities with a roof over our heads and an ability to earn to provide for ourselves. Or at a global level where we have sustainable seas and affordable drinking water, electricity and goods, where we are not at war or starving and can breathe clean air and live in places with healthy natural environments.

No person or state is an island and if you thing you can survive on your own without any state intervention or rules then sooner or later you will run into a brick wall of reality that will stop you from believing you can do everything for yourself or on your own. For example when you become ill how will you get well, who will look after you and pay your health costs? When there is a global pandemic who will help your society live with its impacts or enable you to go about your business again?

The people, places and political structures of the 21st century are diverse and complex but if you choose not to have a say or opinion or not to vote in the power structures that governs you, then all that that happen instead is that some one else takes your vote for you and they probably won’t have your best interest at heart.

Dictators do not merely give greater powers to themselves they steal it from their own citizens. Dictatorship is political theft! So what makes for good government and governance? Well in my eyes it’s a society in which you can and do participate in the political process with a free will and freedom of information and freedom of expresion where you do no harm to others and they do no harm to you.    

Onions have layers, like people have secrets

I started this blog on 1st February 2020 nearly two years ago hoping to shed a skin or two of layers of my perception of life and write about my mental health experiences and my view on politics, loves and life. It’s such a good form of self expression having a blog and just as much fun reading and seeing what other people view and share too. I tend to go through phases of wanting to read others, wanting to look over my own and also wanting to write on my own or find new ones to follow.

But one thing I still have not had the ability to do yet on here is come out about my mental health (both past and present) and I am not sure if or when I ever will. The thing about publishing on the World Wide Web is although not many people do read this blog, it has the potential for anyone I know or even don’t know to read it and judge me. That judgment might then result in someone thinking less of me which is not a big deal, but if that judgement resulted in a work colleague or employee then making life difficult for me or even causing me to lose a job over then that would be a huge problem for me.

I work hard to pretend to be normal in a work environment and that hard work enables me the comfort of sleeping with a roof over my head in my own flat in a comfy bed and with relatively few nightmares. To come out about my mental health difficulties on here makes me feel that I risk all of that. So I don’t really discuss it or go into great detail about it really so as not to be at risk of being found out. Maybe my circumstances will change one day or something like that but I feel safe in my own skin leaving it as it is for now.

I take very few photos of myself although I have found one that a friend took in the most awesomely friendliest bar in Exeter called the Arcade that I was in recently.

Me, Will, Kev, and Nate (all legends on their own barstools)

We should be as mad as hell!

“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” declared the longtime news anchor Howard Beale in the 1975 film classic Network. In the picture, people everywhere toss open their windows and repeat the catchphrase with a barbaric yap. They rush to the streets in maddening throng to air their grievances.

Quite fitting for our own time even though it’s from 1975.

With my own Prime Minister or so called leader of Britain Boris Johnson having had a birthday party, which he did not remember having or going to and then after remembering that he did actually have it and attend then deciding it was not after all a party! In the meantime he is trying to spread out the time it will take to admit what the hell was going on and what he has actually done or not done, that by the time the truth is finally out there we might not be so mad with him anymore as we have had to move on to the next bit of drama or TV rating fodder that we are following instead.

Leader of Britain – Boris Johnson

The present piece of TV rating global drama is the potential invasion of Ukraine by the new age Tsar Putin – the man is a power hungry monster, who will only be happy when the blood sweat and tears of other members of humanity, suffer and surrender at his throne. He really wants to make people suffer whether it’s by interfering and spreading disinformation in democratic countries or poisoning or imprisoning potential political threats in his own country. I used to just think he was a Russian mafia man but he has far greater ambition than to be the local god father of mother Russia.

European powers very much rely presently on Russian gas for fuel and energy of homes and businesses and if he flexes his muscles to cause a confrontation in Ukraine just to prove a point and invade a sovereign nation it will be a line in the sand that once crossed can never be taken back.