Tag: Life

Who is a sinnerman?

Nina Simone – Sinnerman

Don’t worry about going to hell we might have been there already for quite some time.

Who and how do we speak up for or fight against for what is right, if all sides can unleash monsters to their own sides or onto the other and do what is wrong. We are rightfully horrified by Russia’s invasion of a neighbouring sovereign state, claiming to be for historical and self defensive reasons, all of which to my eyes are falsehoods, propoganda and disinformation, this is a land and resource grab with the political advantage of claiming it’s for historical self-defence reasons. But puting it simply you don’t bomb women, children, hospitals and schools as a form of self-defence it is a form of tyranny, unlawful abuse and murder.   

The USA our leader of the free world unleashed a form of living hell unto the citizens of Iraq when it invaded to enforce regime change upon the country and that policy still scars their doctrine, actions and motives to this day. Yes Saddam Hussein was a dangerous dictator to his own people and controlled a great deal of oil as a natural resources that sustained his tyranny, but you just can’t free citizens of a tyrannical regime by bombing them and freeing them to their deaths. The seeking or profiteering from the act of building and buying weapons and then occupying other countries and destroying what little infrastructure that they had in order to maintain a reasonable level of existence in no way does any good for your cause if you are the so called leader of the free world.

As for the country that I live in Britain, well according to Boris Jonson our Prime Minster we fight for freedom, which as the country that heads the common wealth where countries follow our unelected head of state rather than an elected leader seems a little bit of a strange motivation for us to have, free to be ruled by our monarch but not by your own unelected dictator. It’s a little like the pot calling the kettle black in other words the words used to convey that the criticisms a person or act is aiming at someone else’s action could equally well apply to themselves or what they are doing.

The US, China and Russia are all well oiled military machines with police regimes as well as military regimes, you can argue that they must have strong police forces and military might in order to defend their own places in the world as well fight off forces of dissent from home and abroad.

So what awesome things do we do when were not at each other’s necks preparing for world war 3, well then we had and still continue to have economic wars where you starve your opponent of resource, power and influence, whilst maximising your own resources power and influence. Not forgetting that in the meantime there are two key resources that produce the maximum amount or profit that it is vital to exploit in order to get one over on your opponents that of people and planet.

The greater you exploit people and planet, the wealthier you become, the wealthier you become the more you will exploit people and planet. The ever increasing cycle goes on and on. So like I said in the beginning don’t worry about going to hell we might have been there already for quite some time.

So what the hell does any of this mean – well for one thing there are at least two sides to any evil and although all the answers to resolve these questions might not be enacted in law in order to advocate solutions we must first acknowledge there is an ongoing systematic problem.  

We also need to hope and pray that there is still a living breathing planet left to fight for by the time we have worked out what is worth fighting for and how to go about engaging in the fight or engaging in the peace.  

Dream psych and spiritual awakening

When I was 19 and studying politics and economics at university in Southampton I had a dream that really inspired me at the time and I thought that the dream was so unusual and important and like a revelation that I still remember it to this day.

The dream started with me in a dark basement where I was then walked up the stairs out of the the dark basement by my brother into a beautiful and flourishing garden in daylight with a huge oak tree with green leaves on it at the centre of the garden. The oak tree had a small cat trying to catch leaves from the ground but the branches were too high up for the cat, so the cat could not attach the leaves like it wanted to.

Then there was also a very interesting sight on the grass of the garden where I saw 3 almost Aztec multi coloured lizards waking around in like a circle. I have always been interested in the meaning of dreams and their ability to be an interpretation of our present or a possible insight into the future.

From what I could decipher from the dream the dream was kind of reflecting on the fact that I was going to come out of a dark place where into a spiritually better place almost like an awakening.

Very soon after I had this dream I unfortunately experienced my first psychosis which was very upsetting and unsettling. I lost my home, many friends, a lot of money and had to move to a new place and move back in with my mum, while I came to terms with what had happened to me and tried to heal myself and prepare myself to be strong enough to make my way in the world again.

When I had my first psychosis I had no experience of mental health difficulties and no idea what was happening to me and it was a very scary moment in my life. But this dream gave me strength and comfort in that although I would be losing out and experiencing suffering in the short term I new I had the potential to hopefully come out of the experience stronger and wiser and be in a better place than where I had come from before.

Just like walking up the stairs out of the basement into the beautiful garden with the oak tree. But even in that garden there were still potential trials and tribulations as well as wonders and opportunities, with the threat of the cat trying in vain to attack the oak tree, and the wonder of the three multicoloured lizards walking around in a circle on the grass. This all took place in a beautiful setting of the oak tree in full bloom on what looked like a summer’s day. It felt that so long as I continued in life to walk up the stairs out of the basement to the garden that I would be ok and have my brother now in spirit around to assist me should I even need him to show me the way to walk.

This life is a lot harder than I ever thought it could be but at the same time I do have a feeling that my soul chose to be born now at this time in this place and face the life choices that I make and try to come to terms with and survive and thrive with regard to whatever comes my way. I do not know what is around the corner, but I do know that I will always try to do my best for god, life and those that I love.

Amy Macdonald – Dream On

Life in an unemployable working world

What has your chancellor done today to make you feel good. Well nothing. If you are a pensioner, disabled or unemployed, with the biggest fall in living standards since the 1950’s there is nothing in this budget mini statement for you. Those that are vulnerable and suffering will only suffer more and be more vulnerable.

When I work and have a roof over my head that I can afford to pay for, I never have a problem with paying taxes this is partly under the naive assumption and understanding that I hope that my taxes are going to where they need to go to and arriving in good time to make a difference to those that need them. Well they say charity begins at homes and so should taxes.

My mum is a pensioner on a fixed income and so there is no help for her in this budget. I also really can’t afford to be out of work and even though my employment is at risk in the council that I work for again due to conservative party cut backs and savings need to be made by my employer I must still aim to look after my health and stay well and keep in work as the alternative of being out of work is just not an option.

One of the key employment threads that I have seen throughout my lifetime is that if a job is important and needs doing that is not a guarantee enough to ensure that someone is willing or able to pay for that work to be done. I have worked for a wildlife charity that ran out of money to pay to it’s staff, a recycling centre that sold its remanufactured products to customers that failed to make enough profit from its works that it did that then went bust and also worked in government organisations that have been shut down due to changes in political parties in central government. None of these business, charity or government closures are in any way a measure of progress and improvement to the economy or even to society.

British capitalism is weird, incompetently wasteful and institutional corrupt. Though I Will still ironically support it over a regime in which I don’t even have a say or a vote. On the one hand we belch out huge sums of money to the monarchy for knighthoods (knighthoods to people that stand in our second house of power of government or house of lords). The house of lords still exists as it suits those in power to not have a second house that actually wields any power that would be a threat to those in the house of commons thus the status quo remains and reform does not appear to be an option, as the politicians at the top on the political right continue to line their own pockets with money exploited from the governing system as it exists with the purchasing of power and influence from those in power to those formerly holding power or in positions to financially benefit from the decisions made at the top. It’s a kind of old boys network that stinks with the smell of corruption and jobs for the boys mentality.

On a separate note the British monarchy also are people that inherit lands and earn profits off their own lands that do not deserve or require a penny from the state or from the common man or women of society and yet we fund and employee them as if our very lives depended on the patriotic cash with which is given to them from the state or the lack of taxes they pay for the resources and incomes that they earn. Our head of state is not elected; they are born into the role. Also unlike many modern European countries we do not invest in modernising infrastructure and political socioeconomic infrastructure as a given. We cut it down rather than build it up, again its easier to throw a pound in a budget statement to the queen than it is to the poor or to social and economic infrastructure projects. People will vote to spend money on the wealthy whilst spending on the poor is a vote losing issue.

Those at the top of the income pyramid continue to profit at the expense of those at the bottom. There is more chance of a person releasing themselves from this horrible and damaging system though the action of committing suicide than from earning enough money to no longer need to worry about money and get out of this socioeconomic trap that as rats we appear to run around the wheels of and face the trials and tribulations of only blaming ourselves when we fall down in a system designed to let us fail.

Do not worry I am in no way at risk of suicide myself but have born witness to many souls due to themselves seeing no way out from the chains of debt and an inability to earn money in this society due to the difficulty of holding down or even getting a job that you can do that pays the bills. Suicide of those that see no economic way out of there circumstance should be seen as politically sanctioned crime and murder and not the fault of the actual victim themselves.    

I will continue to try and keep a roof over my head and work in an economy that no longer wishes to employ me with areas of work that I am able to undertake, whilst trying to keep my head above water and myself healthy and sane. Please wish me best of British luck in these weird and difficult times to live and try to exist.

Mumford and Sons – Little Lion Man

Aleksandr Dugin, Putins Philospher?

Aleksandr Dugin is a Russian political analyst and strategist known for his nationalistic views that are totalitarian in perspective in other words the concept of universal suffrage giving the right to vote to all adult citizens, regardless of wealth, income, gender, social status, race, ethnicity, political stance, or any other restriction, subject only to relatively minor exceptions is seen as a western American view that needs to be actively opposed and he see’s the Russian state as being at war with the US and democracies of the world in order to dictate his own world view.

 According to Aleksandr Dugin the Russian philosopher and key ally of Putin. Truth does not exist as we see or believe it, but is a matter of interpretation. He states that because no one has monopoly on the truth this then means that truth is relative. Well he is right that no one has a monopoly on the truth but truth is not merely relative when you start to deliberately mislead and misdirect and define the lies you are dealing in as truths. The Russian state cannot even confess that it is presently at war let alone have the ideological conviction to confess what its actual global agenda is. If Putin is the fist of Russia then this man is its heart and soul.

Russia  is being driven down a very dark path and is determined to drag the rest of the western world with it would still consider victory to this being left deep within any nuclear bunkers, where it sees any potential type of victory as being an outcome that destroys the west even at the expense of destroying itself. when you lose sight of the value of humanity and the importance of life on earth, it just becomes a numbers game where even a no score draw is far better than any perceived victory by the west. My enemies defeat at my hands is a victory for me is how i read between the lines with the fascionalistic philosophy that really is chilling and should have us all deeply concerned.

The democratic soverign nations of the world are not trying to start this mans world war 3 that he thinks has already begun but moving to try to prevent it.

Aleksandr Dugin: ‘We have our special Russian truth’ – BBC Newsnight

The fall of the Soviet Union left a huge ideological vacuum inside Russian institutions—including the Russian army—that was partly filled by his ideas, Dugin explains.

“From 1991, he started to fill this vacuum by spreading my views among the officers and the decision-makers, explaining the reasons why the US and the West were still pressuring Russia despite the Cold War having ended. He told them about the importance of developing a new idea of Russian geopolitics that should be diametrically opposed to the goals of the Western think tanks and that should stretch towards the creation of a Eurasian bloc. The rapid spread of his ideas in Russia deeply influenced Putin, even though he was the successor of Yeltsin. He is not an ideological person—he is a pragmatic realist— but he understands that Durgin’s vision is the proper one if Russia is to face challenges head on in the coming years”.

Putin’s opponents accuse Dugin of being a right-wing extremist, thus confirming the charge that the Russian president is promoting fascist ideas. These accusations are based, among other things, on the authors that inspire Dugin’s thought. His intellectual journey began at the very beginning of the ‘80s, when he was just a student from a middle-class communist family in Moscow.

Russia plans to fight to the end (the end of what I am not exactly sure neither am I sure of whome it will fight to the end with either.  

This is my truth

James – Sound
Back in 2020 not today, today I am doing ok

Back in 2020 I expereince my first psychosis for nearly some 10 years. I am lucky in that I have good insight into when I become unwell I know when I am hallucinating and I know when I am delusional and with the help of medication and medical staff, friends and family I worked hard to hold down my job, keep a roof over my head and get well all at the same time. I know times like now are times when I risk becoming unwell again and I must be mindful of this happening to me now.

Symptoms of psychosis

The 2 main symptoms of psychosis are:

  • hallucinations – where a person hears, sees and, in some cases, feels, smells or tastes things that do not exist outside their mind but can feel very real to the person affected by them; a common hallucination is hearing voices, though my hallucinations manifest themselves as visual lights, on the rare occations that I see them I know I am very unwell.
  • delusions – where a person has strong beliefs that are not shared by others.

The combination of hallucinations and delusional thinking can cause severe distress and a change in behaviour.

james – Don’t wait that long

An alternative to reality

In this our only planet where we have choice on how we choose to live, why do we make choices that make it so dam hard for the citizens and life to exist upon it? If life on earth were a computer game, then we always seems to be playing it on the exceptionally hard setting with maximum blood and gore.

What if God had sent a female messiah instead of Jesus who instead of being nailed to a cross for our sins had settled down got married and had a family. I am sure the world of men (& women) would have lived through a great deal less religious and politically justified wars.

Having a male perspective on life and God, I think is a dangerous thing at times and where some sensible people would wish, pray and hope for peace. Others sometimes try to fight the good fight verbally and physically looking for a moral prerogative for war and justification for the death of others.

It would not be so easy to rouse a female divine force to war as it appears to arouse a male divine force.  

Yahweh is said to have or have had a wife according to some scholars called Asherah, I wonder if Yahweh ever bothered listening to Asherah or whether she left him for an alterntive extraordinary being such as Buddha?

God in this world has been shaped as a very male deity and look where that has gotten us!

Hymn to Her

To Prep or not to Prep

Am I mad to consider prepping for a serious emergency or disaster or am I mad not to? It feels like thinking the unthinkable.

I have made some small changes to my life recently just in case there is nuclear situation that effects the Ukraine, Europe or the world, or a nuclear accident at a power plant in Ukraine which might risk people not being able to go outside their homes.

  1. I have empty water bottles in my kitchen stacked together that I could fill up quickly.
  2. I invested in a new pair of sturdy walking boots and thick pairs of walking socks in case I need to walk a long distance anywhere at any time for any reason.
  3. I have purchased a new first aid kit and first aid book as my old one was a number of years out of date.
  4. I have purchased a radio that can be recharged by a hand wind up and used in an emergency with no electricity. It also has a phone charger on it.
  5. I have a new windup torch again charges through a turning handle which does not need batteries or electricity.
  6. I have purchased a number of protein bars which I eat normally anyway but I have more than I would normally have just in case I am suddenly in need of food and shelter in my home.
  7. I am going to hopefully clean out an airing cupboard on the weekend too so that I could use it as a shelter if needed in an emergency.

This is stuff that I never thought I would have to do but I am fearful that we are potentially closer to  a nuclear catastrophe whether that be from a power plant accident in Ukraine or from the actual launching of rockets from Russia and it all feels so bloody unnecessary.

I feel guilty thinking and writing about this stuff. It’s easier to write down what I am up to on here than talk about this with others at the moment.  

Frank Turner – Be More Kind

My God, my God, why have You forsaken Me?

The bible teaches us that during the Crucifixion of Jesus on the ninth hour he cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? This is, translated as, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Such a sad statement to have in the bible and a true reflection of the grief and sadness of the situation unfolding on the cross in real-time for Jesus still echoing down the years of history to all.

Many Christians believe that what happens is all part of God’s plan and choice, and that all our souls are heading towards Gods destination of choice for us, the good the bad and the ugly.  

I hope and pray this is true but I am not sure I have the conviction of faith to believe it to be so all the time. When you witness or experience bad things happening to yourself or good people that you love and know, it scares or bruises your soul and sometimes the closer to home that it happens then the deeper the scar cuts. My believe in the presence and existence of God does not deminish but having faith in how his will is conducted is a challenge at times.

I believe God is all powerful and has unconditional love, “the highest form of love, charity” and “the love of God for man”. I try my best to work in service of god throughout my life living as a good person, but know I am just one man and in all honesty though my actions attempt to do right by God, and sometimes I fail but not all times.

But my ability to have faith in his plan is in all honesty my greatest weakness. I get paranoid and fear that evil could theoretically overcome humans on this planet and for that I try to speak out against evil and wrong doing even more so because of this.

I am no great fighter my greatest weapons are in words and deeds that matter to others and myself. I am not trained in the use of a gun or my fists. Though if I am alive and well enough and a global war was declared which my country was involved within I would seek to take my place however I could best serve.

As far as the future is concerned, God will be alright whatever happens and he will be happy and content with his plan no matter how it unfolds for me or those that I love on this earth. I just hope he does not forsake us and the places we love as bad things continue to happen to good people across the globe.  

I try to speak truth to power which is a gift and curse that I have and at difficult times like that we are living through now it is one of the things that I aspire to continue to do.

Seal – Don’t Cry

The birds in the breeze

During lockdown due to Covid-19, this feels like a life time away now. I bought myself a bird table and began to regularly feed the birds outside my front window by where I would work at home and just from watching them feeding I was able to appreciate a simple truth – that life is not perfect or harmonious balence and there is a continues battle for the pecking order for how things are and how they should be.

The birds fly in so elegantly on their wings, but they would always be squabbling amongst themselves on the bird table trying to boss each other around to ensure they got what they wanted. I do not know whether this was because they were hungry or starving or just the way they do things.  

finches at feeder

The big birds such as seagulls would also often be the first to the table and would have the first cuts of bread put out on the table. The Pigeons or sparrows would never join them at the table but would wait their turn for the seed too small for the seagulls to successful take off the bird table or bird feeders. I never saw a seagull attach a smaller bird but then again the smaller birds would never challenge the gulls.

We picture in our heads birds such as seagulls, pigeons or sparrows as peaceful creatures of the animal kingdom. But to see up close the squabbles and infighting that goes on in order to enable them to feed is an eye opener. There is no humanitarian or religious distributor of food to the birds it is in fact every bird for themselves.

My point I hope I am making is that even though our natural environment is beautiful and offers much wonder. The natural environment can be harsh and brutal place and a daily struggle to feed and survive.

Life for us humans can at times be harsh and brutal and many times in human history our darkest times have been when man inflicts darkness and pain upon man. But ultimately this should not detract us from the beauty of the human spirit and hopefully its ability to overcome daily struggles and the desire and will to survive, prosper and flourish.  

My brother the spirit guide

My brother would have been 50 this year but sadly he took his own life on 28th February 2015, 7 years ago today. It still seems unreal that he is not still here and each year my parents and I mark both his birthday and the day he died.

The pain that a parent goes through from having lost a son or daughter is a pain that I cannot comprehend. I don’t know how much their heart would break if they were ever to lose me too before my time was due to.

My brother was a spirit medium; he could see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. For those non-believers in god, the supernatural or life beyond this one you would think him delusional or at best misinformed. But my brother was a man of honour and a truth seeker as well a truth speaker. So I knew what he lived through and experienced from the other side was real.

My Brother Andrew

Although I don’t have his gifts to communicate with the dead I do like to believe I have a good relationship with god and am able to have a good insight into what god wants expects and needs from me and others and what is the right way to interpret gods teachings and what is a negative or self serving interpretation of Gods teachings.

I am no teacher or preacher and like to think I have a personal relationship with God one crafted through my existence from before the day I was born and hopefully to be continued after the day I die too.

To me god is love.

You can write a book and put it within a library of books all explaining what in fact god is and what that means and some people might still never understand a simple truth such as that and what it means to live a life that loves God.

As God is everywhere and knows everything, your deepest darkest thoughts and deeds, then you can’t just justify and hide the bad things you do to God or bullshit God.  You can swindle, lie and cheat your way though this life in front of and behind the men and women you know or have power over or have power over you. But you won’t be able to cheat, swindle and have your lies be believed by God.

I think and hope that even though my brother took his own life that he still has a good relationship with God and I very much look forward to discussing this with my brother when I pass on to the other side myself.

There are many ways he could have survived the night that he died and it was not for lack of trying to save his live by some of the people that love him very much who tried to stop him from taking his life.

My brother also has or had a Native American spirit guide that he lived with and communicated and guided him through his life and I like to think he had a kinship with Native Americans. I have a photo of us as children playing Indians & Indians (no cowboys in our crew)

In life he was always the spirit warrior and I was more or a spiritual philosopher or truth seaker of the word of god. God bless you brother.

Sacred Spirit – Yeha Noha