In this our only planet where we have choice on how we choose to live, why do we make choices that make it so dam hard for the citizens and life to exist upon it? If life on earth were a computer game, then we always seems to be playing it on the exceptionally hard setting with maximum blood and gore.
What if God had sent a female messiah instead of Jesus who instead of being nailed to a cross for our sins had settled down got married and had a family. I am sure the world of men (& women) would have lived through a great deal less religious and politically justified wars.
Having a male perspective on life and God, I think is a dangerous thing at times and where some sensible people would wish, pray and hope for peace. Others sometimes try to fight the good fight verbally and physically looking for a moral prerogative for war and justification for the death of others.
It would not be so easy to rouse a female divine force to war as it appears to arouse a male divine force.
Yahweh is said to have or have had a wife according to some scholars called Asherah, I wonder if Yahweh ever bothered listening to Asherah or whether she left him for an alterntive extraordinary being such as Buddha?
God in this world has been shaped as a very male deity and look where that has gotten us!
Am I mad to consider prepping for a serious emergency or disaster or am I mad not to? It feels like thinking the unthinkable.
I have made some small changes to my life recently just in case there is nuclear situation that effects the Ukraine, Europe or the world, or a nuclear accident at a power plant in Ukraine which might risk people not being able to go outside their homes.
I have empty water bottles in my kitchen stacked together that I could fill up quickly.
I invested in a new pair of sturdy walking boots and thick pairs of walking socks in case I need to walk a long distance anywhere at any time for any reason.
I have purchased a new first aid kit and first aid book as my old one was a number of years out of date.
I have purchased a radio that can be recharged by a hand wind up and used in an emergency with no electricity. It also has a phone charger on it.
I have a new windup torch again charges through a turning handle which does not need batteries or electricity.
I have purchased a number of protein bars which I eat normally anyway but I have more than I would normally have just in case I am suddenly in need of food and shelter in my home.
I am going to hopefully clean out an airing cupboard on the weekend too so that I could use it as a shelter if needed in an emergency.
This is stuff that I never thought I would have to do but I am fearful that we are potentially closer to a nuclear catastrophe whether that be from a power plant accident in Ukraine or from the actual launching of rockets from Russia and it all feels so bloody unnecessary.
I feel guilty thinking and writing about this stuff. It’s easier to write down what I am up to on here than talk about this with others at the moment.
The bible teaches us that during the Crucifixion of Jesus on the ninth hour he cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? This is, translated as, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Such a sad statement to have in the bible and a true reflection of the grief and sadness of the situation unfolding on the cross in real-time for Jesus still echoing down the years of history to all.
Many Christians believe that what happens is all part of God’s plan and choice, and that all our souls are heading towards Gods destination of choice for us, the good the bad and the ugly.
I hope and pray this is true but I am not sure I have the conviction of faith to believe it to be so all the time. When you witness or experience bad things happening to yourself or good people that you love and know, it scares or bruises your soul and sometimes the closer to home that it happens then the deeper the scar cuts. My believe in the presence and existence of God does not deminish but having faith in how his will is conducted is a challenge at times.
I believe God is all powerful and has unconditional love, “the highest form of love, charity” and “the love of God for man”. I try my best to work in service of god throughout my life living as a good person, but know I am just one man and in all honesty though my actions attempt to do right by God, and sometimes I fail but not all times.
But my ability to have faith in his plan is in all honesty my greatest weakness. I get paranoid and fear that evil could theoretically overcome humans on this planet and for that I try to speak out against evil and wrong doing even more so because of this.
I am no great fighter my greatest weapons are in words and deeds that matter to others and myself. I am not trained in the use of a gun or my fists. Though if I am alive and well enough and a global war was declared which my country was involved within I would seek to take my place however I could best serve.
As far as the future is concerned, God will be alright whatever happens and he will be happy and content with his plan no matter how it unfolds for me or those that I love on this earth. I just hope he does not forsake us and the places we love as bad things continue to happen to good people across the globe.
I try to speak truth to power which is a gift and curse that I have and at difficult times like that we are living through now it is one of the things that I aspire to continue to do.
During lockdown due to Covid-19, this feels like a life time away now. I bought myself a bird table and began to regularly feed the birds outside my front window by where I would work at home and just from watching them feeding I was able to appreciate a simple truth – that life is not perfect or harmonious balence and there is a continues battle for the pecking order for how things are and how they should be.
The birds fly in so elegantly on their wings, but they would always be squabbling amongst themselves on the bird table trying to boss each other around to ensure they got what they wanted. I do not know whether this was because they were hungry or starving or just the way they do things.
finches at feeder
The big birds such as seagulls would also often be the first to the table and would have the first cuts of bread put out on the table. The Pigeons or sparrows would never join them at the table but would wait their turn for the seed too small for the seagulls to successful take off the bird table or bird feeders. I never saw a seagull attach a smaller bird but then again the smaller birds would never challenge the gulls.
We picture in our heads birds such as seagulls, pigeons or sparrows as peaceful creatures of the animal kingdom. But to see up close the squabbles and infighting that goes on in order to enable them to feed is an eye opener. There is no humanitarian or religious distributor of food to the birds it is in fact every bird for themselves.
My point I hope I am making is that even though our natural environment is beautiful and offers much wonder. The natural environment can be harsh and brutal place and a daily struggle to feed and survive.
Life for us humans can at times be harsh and brutal and many times in human history our darkest times have been when man inflicts darkness and pain upon man. But ultimately this should not detract us from the beauty of the human spirit and hopefully its ability to overcome daily struggles and the desire and will to survive, prosper and flourish.
My brother would have been 50 this year but sadly he took his own life on 28th February 2015, 7 years ago today. It still seems unreal that he is not still here and each year my parents and I mark both his birthday and the day he died.
The pain that a parent goes through from having lost a son or daughter is a pain that I cannot comprehend. I don’t know how much their heart would break if they were ever to lose me too before my time was due to.
My brother was a spirit medium; he could see and communicate with the spirits of the dead. For those non-believers in god, the supernatural or life beyond this one you would think him delusional or at best misinformed. But my brother was a man of honour and a truth seeker as well a truth speaker. So I knew what he lived through and experienced from the other side was real.
My Brother Andrew
Although I don’t have his gifts to communicate with the dead I do like to believe I have a good relationship with god and am able to have a good insight into what god wants expects and needs from me and others and what is the right way to interpret gods teachings and what is a negative or self serving interpretation of Gods teachings.
I am no teacher or preacher and like to think I have a personal relationship with God one crafted through my existence from before the day I was born and hopefully to be continued after the day I die too.
To me god is love.
You can write a book and put it within a library of books all explaining what in fact god is and what that means and some people might still never understand a simple truth such as that and what it means to live a life that loves God.
As God is everywhere and knows everything, your deepest darkest thoughts and deeds, then you can’t just justify and hide the bad things you do to God or bullshit God. You can swindle, lie and cheat your way though this life in front of and behind the men and women you know or have power over or have power over you. But you won’t be able to cheat, swindle and have your lies be believed by God.
I think and hope that even though my brother took his own life that he still has a good relationship with God and I very much look forward to discussing this with my brother when I pass on to the other side myself.
There are many ways he could have survived the night that he died and it was not for lack of trying to save his live by some of the people that love him very much who tried to stop him from taking his life.
My brother also has or had a Native American spirit guide that he lived with and communicated and guided him through his life and I like to think he had a kinship with Native Americans. I have a photo of us as children playing Indians & Indians (no cowboys in our crew)
In life he was always the spirit warrior and I was more or a spiritual philosopher or truth seaker of the word of god. God bless you brother.
Having survived my teenage years of drug experimentation in the 90’s with an eye on the cool hippies of the 60’s I am very grateful to be alive today, without too many side effects emanating from my past. With that in mind now sleep is probably the main mind altering substance I seek to use these days.
An ode to Sleep
When my head is weary and my eyes tired too,
There is gentleness in the dark,
I can close my eyes and can no longer see a view.
Though I do not seek to live in darkness all my life,
I do enjoy the rest bite for a while,
I can find peace when I fall asleep at night.
Recharge my batteries for another day.
Without such darkness I might not appreciate what I see tomorrow,
If those at the top of a countries political structure are ruthless and power hungry or weak and incompetent does it really matter whether you live in a democracy or a dictatorship? Of course it does as in a democracy if you perceive your elected leader to be ruthless and power hungry or incompetent and weak, if you don’t like what their policies or disagree with how they impact on you then you can legally express opposition to them, protest against them and also vote against them. Where as in a one party/person state to disagree with the leader or the state you very much risk your own liberty or life.
How do we measure a successful state? If by economic productivity alone then should we all be in factories controlled by the state mass producing products to sell to the rest of the world or rampant free market capitalism with no rules on how to make money or exploit people and places or even state controlled factories with no limits to damaging the natural environment or constraints on impacts to citizens health and wellbeing?
Are citizens merely guinea pigs caught and put into cages, running around on exercise wheels as pets to those in political and/or economic power for their service and amusement? Are young angry men sent to war to die to keep down the population of young angry men and give them something to do whilst giving the deaths meaning at the sacrificial alter of the righteous state at the expense of the right to life of said young men.
A strong and vibrant political ecosystem should be a balance of enabling the potential and practical achievement of the greatest good, determined by the greatest number and extended to the largest amount of people within the boundaries’ of what is fare and justified to do and how people are entitled to live according to what a citizens human rights are or should be aspired to be. A fare system is not one that spends beyond its means in order to provide everything to everyone, but one that legislates and governs within its means in order to ensure those that it serves are served as best as they can be. This might be on the local level of a town ensuring that we live in safe communities with a roof over our heads and an ability to earn to provide for ourselves. Or at a global level where we have sustainable seas and affordable drinking water, electricity and goods, where we are not at war or starving and can breathe clean air and live in places with healthy natural environments.
No person or state is an island and if you thing you can survive on your own without any state intervention or rules then sooner or later you will run into a brick wall of reality that will stop you from believing you can do everything for yourself or on your own. For example when you become ill how will you get well, who will look after you and pay your health costs? When there is a global pandemic who will help your society live with its impacts or enable you to go about your business again?
The people, places and political structures of the 21st century are diverse and complex but if you choose not to have a say or opinion or not to vote in the power structures that governs you, then all that that happen instead is that some one else takes your vote for you and they probably won’t have your best interest at heart.
Dictators do not merely give greater powers to themselves they steal it from their own citizens. Dictatorship is political theft! So what makes for good government and governance? Well in my eyes it’s a society in which you can and do participate in the political process with a free will and freedom of information and freedom of expresion where you do no harm to others and they do no harm to you.
I started this blog on 1st February 2020 nearly two years ago hoping to shed a skin or two of layers of my perception of life and write about my mental health experiences and my view on politics, loves and life. It’s such a good form of self expression having a blog and just as much fun reading and seeing what other people view and share too. I tend to go through phases of wanting to read others, wanting to look over my own and also wanting to write on my own or find new ones to follow.
But one thing I still have not had the ability to do yet on here is come out about my mental health (both past and present) and I am not sure if or when I ever will. The thing about publishing on the World Wide Web is although not many people do read this blog, it has the potential for anyone I know or even don’t know to read it and judge me. That judgment might then result in someone thinking less of me which is not a big deal, but if that judgement resulted in a work colleague or employee then making life difficult for me or even causing me to lose a job over then that would be a huge problem for me.
I work hard to pretend to be normal in a work environment and that hard work enables me the comfort of sleeping with a roof over my head in my own flat in a comfy bed and with relatively few nightmares. To come out about my mental health difficulties on here makes me feel that I risk all of that. So I don’t really discuss it or go into great detail about it really so as not to be at risk of being found out. Maybe my circumstances will change one day or something like that but I feel safe in my own skin leaving it as it is for now.
I take very few photos of myself although I have found one that a friend took in the most awesomely friendliest bar in Exeter called the Arcade that I was in recently.
Me, Will, Kev, and Nate (all legends on their own barstools)
I have just had the good fortune or should that be misfortune of trying to calculate my carbon footprint online! After completing my fifth or so survey this evening I am none the wiser as to whether the results are good or bad. I’ve done one by the World Wildlife Fund, United Nations and one called CoolClimate Calculator to name but a few. There are things I know I do that are good like getting my electricity on what is called an “Octopus super green tariff” which uses green energy measures for my electricity and carbon offsets my gas usage. Also not owning a car or a pet even and using public transport, but there are things I do that don’t help such as eating meat, purchasing goods (or should that be bads) from Amazon and flying to Dublin last year. So on the eco tour of my life choice journey it’s kind of a swings and roundabouts ride or snakes and ladders game you might say but hopefully and mostly going in the rightly sourced direction!
I do think that it’s important to try to be ethical and think about the environment consequences of what we do, thoughtful with what we consume both purchases for our homes, body and charitable donations to others too!
But it’s not that easy to work out what you need, want or don’t need or don’t want. Or know how to buy something ethically or unethically. I can shop locally for food my favourite baker on the Quayside near me is selling great fresh bread and locally sourced milk, but when I go in there one of my main problem is also not buying there delicious cakes, ummm cakes!!
Here is one someone made earlier
One of my biggest purchases last year (in size and cost) was no not a cake! But to invest in a new bed my last one was knackered with rusty springs, rusty springs I tell you. Well in need of replacement even before the pandemic started but the bed firms stopped doing disposal and recycling of old beds during the covid-19 lockdowns so it was very difficult trying to sort out getting a new bed while sorting out the departure of the old one. But how do I know what is an ethically sourced bed or not.
Out with the old and sleeping on the new
I bought the bed from a local store of a national chain of stores that had a shop in Exeter, because I do like to support stores with a local base when I can and when I know what I am purchasing, but I have no idea if it was an environmentally friendly or unfriendly purchase.
I think we just need to be mindful of what we are doing and purchasing and why at all times as the little consumers that we are, I have just remembered a phrase my Grandpa used to say about having or buying something which was ‘it’s only a bargain if you actually need it’.
So maybe I can’t be the most ethically sourced consumer on the planet but what I can do is not be frivolous with the time, money and resources that I do have at my disposal.
I also hope this NYE message finds you in good heart and spirit. I have just finished doing a little home working trying to clear the work email inbox a little so there is less to do on our first day back in the office in the new year.
Things are quite on my street in my city at the moment. I am trying to psych myself up to go out tonight or decide whether I want to a NYE evening sat at home or in a local bar.
The last two years I don’t think I even had a choice as was ill 2 years ago and under a lockdown last year. So I think I will go out for a change.
I think if there is going to be a lockdown of sorts in England or changes to the present restrictions or lack of them, they will probably get announced next week. So tonight could be the last chance in a while to be out on the streets of Exeter of an evening to rish catching Covid-19!
A few pubs in Exeter have closed due to Covid-19 being caught by staff and then not having enough staff to open up their premises and so just like everywhere else covid-19 is doing the rounds here too.
Best wishes and love to you and yours and I hope 2022 is prosperous and happily eventful for you and those that you love
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