Tag: Love

Why Learning from Mistakes is Crucial

A repeated mistake is like running around on a giant hamster wheel, exhausted and weary not knowing how to step off the darn thing or where the stop button is or not knowing when or how to press the stop button or how or when to step off. Repeating the same mistakes again and again while not learning a thing from them is defiantly a mad idea!

To repeat a mistake is often described as making a choice rather than an accident the second or subsequent time. 

Common sayings and proverbs related to this concept include:

  • “A mistake repeated more than once is a choice.” – Paulo Coelho
  • “You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice.” – Unknown
  • “If you make the same mistake twice, it is no longer a mistake, it is a habit.”
  • “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” (Often attributed to Albert Einstein, but likely not his)
  • “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”
  • “As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly” (from the Book of Proverbs in the Bible). 

The underlying idea in these expressions is the importance of learning from past errors and taking responsibility for one’s actions and the resulting consequences.

It seems to me politics is the biggest field of play, where this type of collective irresponsibility tends to take place.

Where an elected wealth of political officials, wish to control our finances and keep people within poverty instead of lifting them up out of it, maintain and enhance their own wealth crying foul to those from abroad that might no longer wish to be impoverished . Hmm what would Jesus think of such monetarising people and forces? From what I have read of the bible and learned from my religious teachers then those that choose to enrich themselves at the expense of others such as billionaires, wealthy politicians, using their own power to line their pockets with even greater profits, would repulse the son of god and if you believe in monsters heading to your definition of hell then that is what they likely are too.

What attracts, tempts or even provides people with conviction to vote for such inhumane politicians is hard to know what thoughts go through their heads or try to contemplate what they believe in and why they have those thought thought for such hateful people and views I do not know and will (god willing) likely never know or have.

Life is precious and time is short and for each of the power-hungry politicians voted into power across the globe chosen by their peers or people – Trump, Putin, Xi and Netanyahu are all incredibly dangerous political beasts we will be incredibly fortuitous to escape this time in the worlds history unscathed. Sadly each leader will be thinking from their own perspective, that they must be strong men in order to fight and conquer their own monsters. But what happens when they are the monsters that should instead need to be stopped or in someway fought.

They each poses within them the capability to light a match that within their hands could then set fire to million trees and sadly it takes only one of these four to strike first to make it all come crashing down.

When we are born into this world we arrive with nothing and when we depart this earth we depart with as little as when we arrived. It is what we do with our time here that truly makes our existence all worthwhile.

The National – ‘The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness’

Early springs of emotions due to my Da – Neil Edwards

In memory of those gone but not forgotten, loved and not lost

Today is 2 months to the day since my lovely father passed away and though I think often of him miss him and feel and know that he is no longer here – I do so in what I feel to be a fond farewell light and positive imprint of him on my mind and soul.

Some people I know are horrified by the death of a love one or terrorised by no longer having a loved one in their life or fear when others lose people close to them too and keep their distance from people who have recently lost or are bereaving. Depending on the circumstances of a death, I know it can be brutal to lose someone that you deeply love.

But I don’t feel we should use our own self suffering as a barometer to how much we loved someone or even how much they are now missed. There are many joys to life and being alive and living in the moment are things which my father enjoyed to do in life himself and he would wish for me in some way I’m sure to appreciate the experience of being alive and not be tied up in knots due to his death or the death of other who were loved and lost.

Years ago in university during what was possibly a sociology class I remember a lecture announcing to us that when we cry we only cry for ourselves and for what those tears mean to us. We have no empthy and emotions for others whatsoever. I was instantly enraged and engaged in this opinion and perspective and that is exactly what the lecture wanted us to do to challenge him to engage with him and ultimately gain an emotional reaction on what his statement said. To this day I have often still wondered about the concept of crying for other s or simply crying for our selves and was the lecturer trying in some way to express a simple truth of his or get us to engage in emotive intellectual debate. Who knows? What I do know is that idea still remains with me some 30 years later.

I suppose the debate will always rage, do we cry for ourselves? or for others? What we have lost or for those whom were taken away or maybe from knowing that we will one day be in the same situation sitting in a coffin ourselves and before that day comes for us crying or morning that day getting closer and closer for us as with each day that passes as well as those others that we love and have in our lives that we will one day lose. Why do we hurt for what was taken away or for what we might yet lose?

Dad, my brother Andy and my Mum at Andy’s passing out parade at his official graduation ceremony following the completion of his course at Culdrose Cornwall.

I sat down to write this as a way of saying I’m ok and hello and its also ok to not be ok. But it appears to be more and deeper than that as the words flow out. What I’m trying to say is to me I want to love those that I have lost, appreciate them in this living alive world and show little signs of respect and love for those I care about where I can by how I live, whether that’s by being a little kinder at times, older and wiser at others but definitely not feeling sad for sadness sake or hurt for the sake of being heartbroken sake.

The people that I have and love in this life I have enjoyed their company at their highs and lows and mostly enjoyed being with them at their highs when they too enjoyed their life. I aspire to enjoy my life and honour theirs.

Simon & Garfunkel – The Sounds of Silence

Sláinte & Happy Paddy’s Day Dad

This time last year me and Dad were on holiday in Ireland for St Patricks day, thanks to a bet that I won on the horse the day after Christmas 2023. It was an unexpected win for a number of reasons and so when the bet paid out I shared some of the money with my mum and dad as the money did not really feel like mine anyway.

Dad said that rather than have the cash he wanted to go on holiday to Ireland and so that is exactly what we did. I paid for the accommodation and flights and we shared the costs of the meals and drinks. It was so much fun and went to some new places that I had not visited before as well as some tried and tested places. We initially got a ferry over from south Wales, which very nearly did not happen to County Wexford, then stayed in lovely hotel there and then travelled to Cork where dads Nan was from. We then went up to Limerick and onto Galway where we spent a weekend and was in St Patricks day for the Sunday. Finally we headed back to Dublin for a few days and then caught a flight back home. I love Ireland; I love my family and feel like although I am missing my Dad now that he is no longer with us I am very grateful for the time we shared together.

I feel like I am counting my blessings at present rather than counting my curses and there are many blessings. Though I hoped and thought he would live longer the time we all shared with him was special and I feel honoured to have known him and had him as part of my life.  

Dear friends and family of Neil Edwards

So we said fairwell to Dad on Friday 7th March, his family would just like to say a huge thank you to all of you that have shown how much you care for him and us. Me, Shamen and mum have been so grateful for the love and support offered to us at this difficult time. It’s sometimes hard to make a call or show people, if you care due to already full up and busy lives, there is always something else in life to distract you that steels your time away. With that said it has been so very heart-warming and reassuring to know that in our time of need you were able to offer us your love and support.

Whether that was in the way of a kind word or thought, or a call or text to see how we are or for those that made time for us and also for those that were able to see us and Dad in Spreyton on the day we just can’t thank you all enough.  

With the decisions to hold the ceremony in Spreyton Village Hall and have the burial at crossways site in Cheriton Bishop, I was a little nervous prior to the day, as to whether we had chosen the right words, locations, hymn and ideas for the day. But with all of those that attended and helped us I do believe we did dad proud and showed him how much he was loved. The whole day and event was a wonderful celebration of Dads life and thank all so much for the time you spared for us prior to the service and also on the day and evening too.

I also want to share Dads poem for those that might want to see it again and also for those that could not make it on the day.

Love the ones you Love by Neil Edwards

Love the ones you love. Don't assume they're fine,
because you haven't heard from them in a while.
Assume they're not - and call them.

Make sure they know you love them.
That can be difficult to say,
but tell them, in whatever words,
in your funny old way.

Take every chance that comes
to do an act of lovingkindness
for those who live in your heart.
These things are powerful voodoo,
because they work for them as well as you.

The only thing we know is true,
is that we don't know what's to come.
Don't just keep them in your heart.
Turn up, and talk, and be with them.

Thank you, dear God, for this good life,
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
And forgive us if we forget to love the ones we love.

P.S. Don’t beat yourself up. Even if you do all these things, some of us will slip away.

We are good actors and take great pains to keep you off the scent. It’s nothing you did or failed to do. Don’t beat yourself up.



Goodnight and God bless you Dad

Is this year nearly over yet! So sadly on Friday 31st January my father sadly passed away in hospital after a short battle with cancer and other complications in his body he was just 73 which feels still so young. He was very ill in his last month of life although it was a pleasure and honour to spend time around him even at this difficult time. I was trying to do a little bit of everything, visit him in hospital, continue to work and also look after myself.

January was a tough month and more so for my Dad than anyone of us. In his time in hospital he also had a bleed on the brain which led to confusion and considerable forgetfulness, which made communication difficult at times. We hoped he could be cured of the diagnosed cancer but also had a considerable fear that this he was dying.

One of the most heartfelt and warm, comforting things Dad has ever said to me was, while he was lying on his hospital bed he said after I told him that I was trying to do a little bit of everything and failing to do them all well. He told me that I had failed at nothing, which was just so beautiful and in his moment of need and support he was their supporting me and making me feel so very proud of him being my Dad.

I was able to let many people know on Facebook that he had passed away and the love and support people have posted has been a huge comfort for which me, mum and Shamen are very grateful for.

Me and his partner Shamen will be meeting with the funeral director tomorrow and we have hopes and plans for what we would like to do for my Dads funeral. Which I will update more information on here as and when it has been planed or taken place.

The Parting Glass – Cara Dillon

💕Goodnight sweetheart 💕

Back from Ireland now after a wonderful holiday, I heard some news about a former partner that passed away while I was on a train in Ireland from Galway to Dublin. Her name is Marianne Morgans or Max and she died at the young age of 43. We were close and I last heard from her on the 29th February 2024 when she sent me a lovely message telling me to take care of myself. She would always think of others before herself and had such a loving and good spirit.  

Below is a partial cut of her last message she posted to me through messenger on the 29th February 2024, it shows a great deal about her spirit and love for others I don’t know if she was trying to help and guide me before she passed, talking about my mental health, my brother and the love and support she appreaicated from my family.

Part of Max’s last message sent to is below sent on 29th February 2024 at 1:39am:-

“I remember when you were in Wales, calling me in the middle of the night extremely unwell, confused and scared. And I remember feeling honoured it was me you called. So I knew you were still in there somewhere, trying to get out) You’ve come so far since then. I know you’ve had relapses, and I know you fight every day to keep level. That’s bloody brave! Don’t forget that. The easy way is to not bother with your meds, and let it take over you. But you don’t… you do all you can to stay well! Be proud of yourself! I remember after we broke up, and I was a little heartbroken still, bumping into Andy in the Wheelers, and him saying how impressed he was with you. How it couldn’t be easy as you couldn’t do all the shit he did at your age ( hello recreational party drugs or Colombian marching powder lol) But most of all, how adult and matter of fact you were about it. Or at least that’s what you showed on the outside. He had allot of love for you. Like you did him. I think he looked up to you just as much as you looked up to him. I was a little jealous that you had such an amazing relationship with your sibling and your mum and dad. You’re so much like them both, as caring as your mum, and as funny as your dad. Plus lots of other good things. I actually don’t think you have a bad bone in your body! Unlike me….. you’d be hard pressed to find anything in me that isn’t an asshole lol. I don’t mind, I quite like being an asshole. It means the people who aren’t worth it, or are users piss off fast, and the people who see though my assholeness and stick around, are the best sort of people. There aren’t many, and you’re definitely one of them . You don’t tolerate my bullshit and can see the real me…… which is vulnerable in some aspects. I don’t like people seeing that, as they try to take advantage… some manage it. I just wish you’d bloody tell me when you’re struggling. Because you told me years ago what sort of things happen to you when you’re spiralling , and when you’re in full blown psychosis. It doesn’t frighten me, or makes me think less of you. In fact, I think more of you because you’re reaching out… that means you’re asking for help even if you don’t realise it at the time. Please send my love to Mr E. your parents were the first parents to not look at me like trash. Treat me well even though I was poor as fuck. They didn’t care. I’ve tried to be a bit like Mrs E. poverty is the normal down here. Allot of parents numb themselves on the money they get for their kids …..( and that’s not a judgement… it’s a sad reality and it isn’t their fault. Being poor and not knowing how you’re going to feed everyone takes its toll. So they think … fuck it. And spend it on drink and drugs: use the food bank to feel the family and then numb themselves) ….. The amount of other people’s teenagers clothes I’ve washed and dried… I’ve lost count. All their clothes and bedding so dirty they’re crusty and solid. Them being so ashamed they don’t come to the house. Just help Lauren or Tom carry it all up, and run away because they don’t want to see how disgusted I might be. And … I’m never disgusted. It isn’t their fault. My reward is when the kids tell me how happy they are, wearing clothes that aren’t stiff with dirt. Clean knickers and bras. Fresh bedding … often the first good nights sleep in months. I think I probably look like how Mrs E would look when I ate 3 meals a day at a normal time lol. She’s such a material person just she 🙂basically….. when I was with you and your family, it’s the safest I’d ever really felt. Before or since. You all had a positive impact on my life. I think you all should know that. People don’t say thank you enough in my opinion. Anyhoo… ill stop rambling at you now. Please stay in touch, even when you’re well and life is good ( which you absolutely deserve) Sending you big hugs. And I’m here whenever you need me, or just want to say hello and a quick update. Much love my sweet. Xxxx

Damien Rice – the Blower’s daughter

Andy Edwards nearly 9 years since we lost you.

A leap year is now and will always be kind of strange time for me it will never reflect a good or normal year but will always be present with me for as long as I live as a day after the anniversary of my bros death . The thing is my brother departed from his life this world and our planet on the early morning of the 28th of February 2015 and so the first year anniversary of his death was a leap year, so this year is not just an anniversary of his death but an anniversary of another leap year taking place without him or the third lep year to be exact and 9 years in total time since he took his life.

Andy Edwards my bro

I still hate the fact that he felt willing, able and hurt so bad and in some ways determined enough to take his own life. Me and my Dad had headed to my Dads house waiting for my brother to travel up from Cornwall to Devon, the night he took his own life so my Dad could discussing with him how much money he could borrow in order to help him change or turn his life around. Don’t get me wrong he paid his own way and was not broke he just wanted a career change and financial help to help him sort things out and get his career back on track. My brother was worried that his career was at a loose end and he was about to be made redundant from his job.

At the time you think these things are certainly going to be stresses for him but not enough to kill a man! I have found this year a struggle which i have not been afraid to admit in my life and in my posts and thought there is no magic solution I am doing ok and continuing to try and sort myself out. But that one night, that one night when my brother felt very bad and in a dark space he took the ultimate sanction and judgement on himself taking his life and from there we all have to pick up the pieces and continue with out ever being able to go back and retake the steps we have now taken after he left us.

A death ripples through other lives in time and space it burns, hurts and results in an unfillable void. If you or anyone you might know are ever are in that zone all I can say from having lost a brother, friend and seen my parents lose their first born son is please help and try to think again and ask them or yourself, does this really have to cause the damage and hurt you are about to cause to the ones you love, is there absolutely no alternative for you or them to no longer being on earth and alive today.

I went to a karaoke night tonight and sung my little heart out and got talking to a couple of good friends about my brother and his loss and found a good connection with them that i did not already have concerning the situation.

So sad 9th anniversary of your departing Andy Edwards will occur on 28th February 2024, I will always look forward to seeing you on the other side, but not just yet my brother and friend, not just yet.  

I have mentioned this song before its The Killers – All the Things I’ve Done!

To me I’m singing my little heart out about my brother asking God to let him in to Heaven – He’s got soul and he was a soldier, god bless you Andy hope you are doing well where every your spirit is.

Words can hurt or heal

So what did yours do today?

I have just watched the following speech which I would definitely recommend you watch too about the power of words.

Mohammed Qahtani – The Power of words

I love to write words and speak them at times, to change or influence a point of view or perception on reality or life.

A friend of mine discovered or invented the phrase “a social hand grenade” as soon as I heard it I thought what a cool expression, what it meant was to throw a word or phrase into a conversation that would have maximum impact and if you did it to the right person or people at the right time to blow their mind too. I thought to myself what a great concept.

Over the years I have tried to put words into a conversation so as to have a positive impact on the person that I am speaking to rather than a negative. Although more often than not in the sad and disappointing times of my life when I have been sad and angry I have said things that still haunt me to this day.

More often than not to women that I thought had spurned me or decided they were openly no longer or perhaps never even had been in love with me. I remember to this day not perhaps the exact words that I said but the memory of a moment in which those words were said and though they can never be taken back nor the moment vanish from time I do hope I have learnt from those occasions so that in the future in a similar circumstance I do not try to feed my own ego by trying to bring someone else down.

If life has hopefully taught me any lesson it is the one that conflict through words and deeds just for the sheer sake of it bears as much fruitful as a cherry tree in the desert with no water.

Gabrielle Aplin – The Power of Love 

Singing in a bar called The Ship again

Well me and a couple of friends headed out last Friday to a bar called the Ship in Exeter and they had their Friday karaoke tunes being played and sung to. My friend Michelle was the first person to get up and sing and sung ‘Take My Breath Away’ by Berlin and really did such a powerful and yet emotionally beautiful version of the song it really was amazing to listen to, she did herself, the audience listening and the song proud.

I then put in a request for a song and got up and sung it, I was very nervous and sung a song called ‘all the things that I’ve done’ by the Killers. I was a little shy and not sung this song in a bar in many a year and found the words racing ahead on the screen where I would be then trying to catch-up and sing along to what was coming up. I managed to get through the whole song and people were very kind and clapping and cheered at the end of the song when I had finished which was great, I look forward to going back there and having a go another time.

I would like to try and sing the following song if I had a little more confidence and if the DJ had the song top sing which is by the cranberries and called ‘no need to argue’. I don’t think it would be suitable for the ship as that is more power ballads and rock and pop anthems where drunken crowds join in, but I might be able to get away with trying to sing it at the Arcade see if Damien has it as a selection.

The Cranberries – No need to argue

The album this song is on is also called ‘no need to argue’ and it came out when I was 18. It was beautifully sung and gently expressive song on an album that I found really helped me bring about calmness in my mind at a time in my life when I was a hugely sensitive and emotional person. All happy, hippy go lucky one minute, in love the next and then heartbroken after that! Listening to the song still to this day and it reminds me so much of when and what I have found and had, loved and lost and thankfully recovered and then been able to move on and prepare for the whole lot of madness and shenanigans again.

Little Singing Soul

There are many things that fascinate me about what it means to be alive and the one that I will touch on today is our love of and ability to interpret life and be interpreted by an expression of singing and the sounds we make when we sing a song.

I nearly always try to put a video of a song on my blog posts when I type one and one of the reasons I do this is sometimes because there is a particular song rattling around in my head that inspires a post or at other times a particular post I write inspires a song or both the post and song just somehow seem to fit.

When in my teens I used to love creative writing although I never have had an ability or gift to write songs. But I have always loved the appreciation of a good song and liked to tap my feet, when younger I used to dance too but now as I get older I have over the last few years got into singing in bars on karaoke nights.

I really do love doing this it’s such a great way to express yourself and have fun and show people that you have a life and a voice! I also love to listen to other people sing live and depending on my mood or where I am sometimes much prefer to listen to others sing than get up and sing myself. I do get nervous before I sing and in my local bar there are normally only about a dozen people listening of which half of them I might know and so I can manage my nerves easier in those situations rationalising to myself that as its a small group I’ll be ok and not judges if I make a mistake or sing badly. More often than not the people I sing in front of are very supportive and kind to me often complementing my singing which I really do appreciate. I’m no great singer but I am not bad too.

So last week some friends went out to a different bar which also runs a karaoke night and i decided to put a song in and get up and sing. I slowed down on my drinking as I did not want to get up there drunk and still wanted to give it my best shot. So an ahour and a half went by and I checked with the DJ if he had called my name out and he said that he thought my name was “You” not “Huw” and thought I had already left. So I was then the next one up on to sing. So sing my little heart out I did to a song by a band called Fun called “We Are Young” it went really well the crowd loved it, joining in too and I remembered the words too, so long as I kept my eyes on the screen and I seemed to hit the notes and sing at the right times and a good night was had by all.

The pub had a much bigger audience than I was used to singing in front of, but it was such a good experience I do hope to go back there again to try and sing my little heart out once more.

I think I will try and sing the song that I have placed below, when I can in the next busy karaoke bar I go to.

The Killers – All These Things That I’ve Done