I feel like my body and soul was so eager to jump out of January, whilst not exactly sure what I was jumping into with February coming right up. I felt a little like my mind was racing and could more easily get stressed or snap at people and when you start researching stuff on google about issues such as why am I feeling stressed this time of year? Or why can I sleep like a hibernating bear and still feel tired? Or any other form of googling about negative emotions and this time of year then well to be fair your goner make yourself probably feel worse, a little informed perhaps but generally a lot worse too in the short term.
Although one good tip that I picked up from a colleague in work (and on err google) is that due to the ongoing lack of sunlight and lack of vitamin D in the body it can increase in seasonal affective disorder or SAD making you more tired, stressed and feeling flat or depressed. So I was recommended to and started to take some vitamin tablets and through either actually helping me or even just feeling better from trying to make some positive changes I am feeling less stressed and brain is racing around less.
I did not go out to a bar last weekend either a lot of my friends were going to a karaoke night and it’s quite busy and I feel a little uncomfortable getting up and singing there. So I did not go, it’s weird putting your name down their to sign on to sing feels like getting up and working there sometimes, as its a bit mad busy and hectic for me.
On the good news front though our wonderful landlord of the now shut Exeter Arcade is trying very hard to plan the opening of his as yet location not announced or revealed third bar. God bless him and all that drink at his future venue (when it finally opens). I have also booked a ferry, trains, a plane and automobile tickets for a visit to Ireland with my Dad which will be very exciting trip in March, to be sure, to be sure!
Just had a notification from WordPress at 10 to midnight that the 1st February 2024 is my blogs 4 year anniversary so thought I would try and post a quick thank you to people that have been kind enough to read and like my posts.
I also want to say thank you to those that also blog on wordpress last year and this. I really enjoy reading your blogs from all over the world too, it’s amazing how different we are in some ways but so similar in others to. I hope your blogging continues throughout 2024 and I look forward to reading and writing more posts through this year.
The photo above is the only latest photo I have of me, taken by a lovely person in a local bar that I get up and sing Karaoke in. I was singing the killers song shown below that night to.
I’ve got soul but I am not a soldier!
The Killers – All These Things That I’ve Done (Official Music Video)
I have also tried to compile some information about views on site and where around the world people are viewing site from.
Below a scan of most popular pages in 2023 and where they clicked on from
Below is a snapshot of countries that have view blog the darker the image the more views.
I have had in total since the blog started in 2020
6,420 page views by 1022 visitors and pages likes 1581 times
In the last 12 months there have been
1672 page views by 1027 visitors and 351 likes to pages
Well this month has been a strange one some nice things happened but some strange emotions and stressful times experienced too and I guess the January blues have just slowly creeped up on me as the month has gone on. I am normally good at providing support to others but not great at receiving support or asking for it myself. I often find it better to write about stress and challenges after the event when I have processed the event and come to terms with it myself.
I had just booked a week off over Christmas which did not feel long enough and then I booked off another week in the 3rd week of January. That was nice and relaxing but felt quite out of my depth when coming back to work, which had got busy and I started back with a very early start after a night of not sleeping well. There were things I had to try and deal with that were stressful and challenging as soon as I walked back through the door into the office. I am hoping that February will bring in a little more calmness, stability and cheer but there will be hard work ahead too.
I get restless sometimes at this time of year and want to try changing things that I don’t think are working or healthy for me.
The world is forever changing, for some this presents opportunities and for some it presents threats. It is not just about what is happening but it is about how you perceive it to be happening or how you are informed or misinformed on what is going on.
With increased technological developments taking place as well as a communications network like none ever developed on our planet prior to the last 20 years with the internet, TV and telecommunications. We can now see, hear and be informed within seconds or minutes of developments on earth that we might never have been informed about or might have possibly only learned about after the event years later in history books or documentaries.
So our means of communicating changes has changed as well. Our climate is also changing, as again to our ability to be informed of those changes. We were not always aware of big earthquakes, volcanoes, storms and hurricanes affecting places around the globe. But now with 24 hour news it’s very much a news filler item to watch the suffering of others around the globe in these horrific condition and not only that but due to global climate chaos they are actually happening more frequently too.
Industrialisation of work force and artificial intelligence developments making AI better than humans at doing jobs we once thought we could do for life? So not only do we have to worry about will we earn enough to be attractive and provide for another partner or family, we now could end up finding that our career passion the job we love doing is ultimately not able to be done by us any more and has been outsourced to a PC or machine of some other type.
So these issues are happening and one main inevitability is that change is constant and continuous, you cannot stop change from happening but you can engage to what is changing and reflect on it, accommodate it, do your best to manage it in your life or try to understand it and how it effects you.
One way I get my head around understanding changes going on in the political world is by supporting and advocating for changes I want to see by joining a political party such as the Green Party, or becoming a member of a charity such as Moor Trees. Though my contributions may be small in the scheme of things, they still matter and contributing to a bigger picture for potential positive change in a way I would like the world around me to be shaped. Change is not always negative and great and beautiful things do come into this world when changes are able to be made and realised.
Another way to perhaps be aware of change and understand how it affects you is to read, listen and watch news articles and stories. Though not always a pleasant thing to do and best not to put your interpretations all into one basket of news sources but to take from a variety of sources. The newspaper review on BBC news or UK Sky (Not Murdock owned or dictated to news) can be informative when they discuss the next days headlines with some interpretations of what those headlines are. I tend to find the more you just listen to one persons perspective though the more chance you have of being misinformed, manipulated or indoctrinated into another’s view when its far more important to try and think for yourself.
One final little point is regarding if the world is changing for better or worse are we at the end of time? Or the end of days or is an apocalypse around our corner. Well I hope not but again that’s just a matter of opinion. People have feared, expected or written about living in the end of days, a war that will end all war or Armageddon being around the corner for thousands of years in religious circles and I can only assume if you believe in a certain deity then you have also had to be prepared that it’s only a matter of time before they call last orders at the global bar and closing time on all earth, man and existence as we know it. If you don’t believe in said god then you will alternatively think that’s an impossibility of a God that does not exist to call time on something that they have no power over because they are not here to do it! Finally on this point about whether we could be entering a time of growth, goodness, fear or darkness.
Well I don’t believe in a god that could destroy its own creation as a promise it made to its people. I don’t believe in a god that puts some people on the side of being good people due to where or who they were born from or came from and others on the side of evil due to where they were born or who they were born from or came from. I really just don’t accept that the god I pray to, believe in or work for and live by could be so narrow minded! The god I believe in is not fighting for Armageddon against an inherent enemy but fighting for justice for all of life and creation.
Between Christmas and New Year 2023 to 2024, me and my Dad made a decision to to go back to Ireland in 2024. I am so excited about the idea of going over there again. We have been on Holiday to Ireland in 2018 and 2019. Goodness those dates seem such a long time ago now and the two trips somehow have blended into one in my mind and some of the memories from those trips still feel like they happened just yesterday.
When we went to Ireland on our two journeys in the past we planned our holidays around horse race meetings and went to 3 different race courses which were Leopardstown, Tipperary and Tremor we were also supposed to go to a race course called Gowran Park but it was raining so much we never made it to the race course. When we went to Leopardstown we also ended up seeing one of my all time favourite bands playing at the race course who are called the Waterboys and they sang one of my favourite songs ‘Whole of the Moon’ on a moonlit night too which was just awesome.
Galway City – Ireland
This time when we go we are planning on being in Galway for St Patrick’s day which will just be magical. I am so excited about this, I just hope we can pull it off and go. The accommodation is already booked and the places we will be staying in look awesome, passports are also hopefully sorted now and we just need to make sure we can book our ferry over from Pembroke dock to Rosslare (and also hope the weather is good enough to allow us to travel across by Ferry from Wales to Southern Ireland! We plan to spend a few days in Dublin too where we will fly back to Exeter.
The trip this time around so far is all planned around the destinations were going to and the accommodation were staying in. No horse racing meetings to go to in Ireland for us this time although it just so happens that the biggest race meeting of the year is taking place in the UK which is called the Cheltenham Gold Cup, so we will be keeping an eye on that from wherever we are in Ireland.
Once we have got the ferry to Ireland we will head to Wexford which we have both really like and have stayed in before. After that we will then head to Cork where my Dad’s side of the family are from originally. Dad has never been to Cork but spoke about wanting to go there for years so it will be a really special place to visit and I have reserved a lovely hotel in the centre of Cork.
Maldron Hotel – Cork
We will then head to Limerick before arriving to Galway for St Patricks day. Finally head to Dublin to spend at least one night in the Temple Bar Inn Which I still have not worked out yet if it is next door to the Temple Bar pub in Dublin or whether it is actually the Temple Bar Pub in Dublin, I guess I will find out when we get there and then from Dublin we will catch a flight back home to Exeter.
Temple Bar – Dublin
I must absolutely promise myself to try and get some photos of where we are going to this time. I have taken so few photos of Ireland from my visits in the past and so really want to try and get some photos this time.
This year has been kind of special for me with some good things happened in my life and I have found time and moments to appreciate the good things and not focus or live within the dark or negative side of what has and is happening having this type of focus has been a real plus for me.
I feel like I am a person that I in fact feel comfortable being! I am happy with my lot, I have some good friends that I know and respect and I hope they know and respect me. They help me when they can and I help them when I can too.
I have a good relationship with my mum and dad since my mother has moved back to Devon, we always try and catch up in person about once a fortnight, I feared this would tire me out as I normally enjoy sleeping on the weekends rather than going to other peoples homes, but going to my mums has worked out really well.
This year I have seen that I am no saint and I’m not perfect and don’t beat myself up about this as nobody that I have met or got to know in life is, we all have our little quirks and imperfections, but we also can bring much joy to others and help or at least not hinder others when we can.
Sometimes when you have an understanding of what your weakness are you can always appreciate a weakness as a characteristic of yourself and maybe turn it into a strength. Although at the same time not be over confident in your own strengths or be aware of the good and bad you have the power to do. This year I have tried to embrace change as change is the one constant in anyone’s life and in a relatively good person year I have tried to aim to be optimistic concerning pessimistic times.
I do have conflicting emotions on life and my little place in the universe on the one hand I know the world is a cruel place and dark things happen on this planet and for the foreseeable future global actions and consequences shall continue to chip a little or lot more away from the world and the people upon it.
But within all that exists in places and with people that I cannot change in ways I can neither foresee nor prevent, I must still focus on the things that I can influence and that influence me, the people that I can help (including myself) and do the best I can with the time that is given.
A belated Happy 2023 and Happy New Year 2024 to you.
Do you ever feel like the world that we live in is not as it should be?
A world not as advanced, kind and caring for you as you think it should aspire to be?
Do you ever feel you should be more appreciative of what you have and yet you are more disappointed in what you don’t have?
Grateful for the roof over your head and the food in your belly, but somehow hoping and expecting more out of life?
Do you ever feel like though your little bubble is safe, calm and relatively sane but it could be burst within a second and lead you to despair?
A bubble that though looks secure, good even inviting to others that could be burst quite easily if you do or say the wrong thing, lose a job or house or friend?
Do you ever feel like you strive and fight hard for what you already have and expect little more in return?
Well welcome to the matrix of reality, the machine of human existence, endurance and evolution. The lifeline and fire blanket of existence that tries to keeps you out of harm’s way and helps you feel relatively safe where you are with what you have.
With the threat or reality of your current situation in life being taken away from you or pulled from under your feet and the severe consequences that that might have for you and your loved ones meaning you will fight hard to keep your little piece of existence in place.
I started to write this thinking why do we not confront the matrix of reality that we live in and strive harder to change what we have or to demand there must be more.
But now weirdly for me this has turned into an opposite line of thought and argument on why we strive not to confront the matrix of reality and aspire instead to find contentment in what we have and acceptance in who we are and what we do.
It seems more often the not even just the little that we have is often too much to lose!
So it is 12 nights before Christmas day, lots going on in Exeter with the build up to Christmas we are having a ‘Christmas breakfast’ tomorrow for work colleagues, rather than an organised Christmas night out, I think the boss is afraid to meet up with too many staff that have had too many drinks in case they have a go at him, so he’s chickened out of allowing us to have a Christmas staff night out this year.
The world has some potential good news for a change and a little unexpected too with nations at COP28 the UN climate summit agreeing for the first time to take explicit aim at the use of fossil fuels. The talks in Dubai came close to collapse but in a dramatic turn-around, nations agreed to “transition away” from coal, oil and gas.
But my mood for the night is one of contemplation for the past, present and future. Sorry to be brief but sometimes a much needed mulching over of my minds view, thoughts and feelings are much needed and this just so happens to be one of those times.
Sometimes we get to witness history in the making live on TV, we get to see human rights and human wrongs unfold right before our eyes. With that in mind what is happening in Gaza is such a view of history in the making. Be grateful you are just a witness rather than an actual participant. A growing number of academics, legal scholars and governments are accusing the Israeli government of carrying out a genocide against Palestinians in Gaza.
Why are some using the term?
The term was codified by the UN in the 1948 Genocide Convention and defined as “acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such.” Those acts are not limited to killing members of the group — causing “serious bodily or mental harm,” among other actions, can also constitute genocide.
What does your government say and do they have your support?
More often than not I can see the point of a government’s view even if I do not hold that view myself but this is not one of those times. Western nations support Israel and its right to defend itself which at first seems to be fair and make sense but the Israeli governments definition of its own defence is broad and over bearing to say the least and when there is no safe place left in Gaza to go what are its citizens to do. Western governments including mine are complicit in supporting a policy in Gaza of a no safe place left to go policy.
The perspective from the UN
According to the united nations press release on 3rd December 2023 – The brutal resumption of hostilities in Gaza and its terrifying impact on civilians underscore once again the need for the violence to end, and for a political solution to be found that is built on the only viable long-term basis – the full respect of the human rights of Palestinians and Israelis, UN Human Rights Chief Volker Türk said on Sunday.
“Silence the guns and return to dialogue – the suffering inflicted on civilians is too much to bear. More violence is not the answer. It will bring neither peace nor security,” said Türk, voicing deep concern that negotiations towards a continuation of last week’s pause had reportedly reached an impasse.
Hundreds of Palestinians have been killed by Israeli bombardments since the hostilities resumed on Friday, according to the Gaza Ministry of Health. Aid was completely blocked from entering Gaza through Rafah on Friday, and very restricted on Saturday. As a result, the already limited aid operations within Gaza largely halted, resulting in a further breakdown of overburdened essential services.
The High Commissioner expressed grave fears that the renewed and intensified hostilities after a seven-day pause would lead to even more death, disease, and destruction than seen so far.
“As a result of Israel’s conduct of hostilities and its orders for people to leave the north and parts of the south, hundreds of thousands are being confined into ever smaller areas in southern Gaza without proper sanitation, access to sufficient food, water and health supplies, even as bombs rain down around them,” Türk said.
“I repeat, there is no safe place in Gaza.”
“International humanitarian law and human rights law are clear that protection of civilians comes first and that rapid, unimpeded humanitarian access through all possible means must be facilitated to alleviate suffering of civilians,” he stressed.
The UN Human Rights Chief also highlighted how hundreds of thousands of people remaining in northern Gaza are at renewed risk of bombardment and continue to be deprived of food and other essentials. Given this appalling situation and the orders to move south, people are essentially being forced to move, in what appears to be an attempt to empty northern Gaza of Palestinians.
“The world bore witness of week upon week of horror since this latest crisis began, marked by extremely grave concerns around wilful killing of civilians, firing of indiscriminate rockets, indiscriminate attacks using explosive weapons with wide-area effects in populated areas, forms of collective punishment, obstruction of humanitarian aid, and hostage-taking – all forbidden under international law,” said Türk (United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights).
Extremely serious allegations of multiple and grave breaches of international law must be fully investigated and those responsible held to account, he said. Where national authorities prove unwilling or unable to carry out such investigations and prosecutions, international investigation is necessary.
Member States must do everything in their power to ensure all parties comply with their obligations under international law and prevent commission of international crimes.
“The time to change course is now. Those that choose to flout international law are on notice that accountability will be served. No-one is above the law,” said the High Commissioner.
Western nations are presently reliving their past as a means of looking to a future as far as taking sides in the Israel/Gaza conflict.
We like to think that the west has evolved from the bad old days of the medieval crusades to the holy land or the Native Americans being slaughtered in the name of ‘Civilization’ or slave owners making profits by exporting slaves from Africa.
But with a religion focused and militarily backed supported Israel by the west war, happening today and right now in 2023 with Israel bombing and rolling in the tanks into Gaza it makes me feel that such a western backed religious concept of righteous war is a deadly and potentially seriously damaging concept to my eyes, where we yet again put on a broken record of western brutality in the name of civility. This in no way a western religious concept of righteous or religious war, that is killing so many innocent lives can be a concept that I can support, condone or sign up to. It makes me think less of those that open heartedly condone such acts of brutality and crimes against humanity especially when they are the politicians that lead countries such as mine and yours.
When people start claiming that genocidal acts are the will of their god then I fear to think that perhaps their god is not the one they should be worshiping or praying to, if it is asking them to commit such atrocities.
Well not a cheery title but I am struggling to know how else to express the view I wish to share. There are a number of friends that have been in crisis this year and in order to express themselves and communicate in these situations post messages on social media (mostly on Facebook, posting messages such as “I’m done” or “I can’t do this anymore” or “Tell my family that I love them” with out further clarifications on why they are stating this leading to other friends then having to chase them around social media asking them what is going on or providing them with reassurance or trying to prevent a potential suicide.
I find these crisis messages deeply distressing having lost my brother, an aunt and nearly a cousin all to suicide, if I can help someone face to face, I will but I just don’t know how to react to Facebook messages with people expressing hurt, anger and pain while in crisis. Some people do it so often to them it’s just a form of communication which is very confusing and worrying. I assume some people like to let off steam and express anger and frustration online (and that’s what I am doing right now!)
My Bro Andy
It would have been my brothers 51st birthday this Wednesday 29th November and having lost him, he has left a huge hole in many people’s lives and left an imprint of both pain and joy on many a good soul. When other’s are prepared to hurt themselves an their own family and friends the way my brothers suicide hurt us, I do wonder if they have a lack of insight on the pain that their death will cause others and also a lack of insight into the benefits of living not just for one self but in order to help and be of assistance to others too.
Trying to commit suicide, threatening to kill yourself or sadly succeeding in committing suicide are all irreparably damaging decisions and acts that have a serious consequences on you and all those that know and love you, which if done can never be taken back.
Surely if there is an obstacle in your life you can either break it down, move it out the way or if too big to move you turn change direction and go another way. Nobody said life will or should be easy but it is still worth living and having an experience within.
Life can and does get hard at times but life and the people within this life are also amazingly beautiful. I think we all underestimate our own inner and outer beauty that others see in us and also the amount that we are loved. If we knew just how beautiful and loved the world and our friends and family feel to us from having each other in our lives then we might not need to put all that we are and have at risk and threaten to ourselves and others of the need to take that beauty and love away.
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