On February 2020 I started my huwspace.com blog and have had a great deal of enjoyment expressing myself on this site. With music, thoughts and films that are close to my heart that express who I am and write about my perspective on what is going on in my life and in the world. 2020 onwards has been a crazy time really and the 2020’s decade has been one in which so much has happened it’s like the world is going too fast and there is no chance of jumping off at all as we are here for the ride or until our song stops being written or sung.
My mental health has been at times a challenge to during this time. It’s sometimes difficult to know who I am where I fit in and where I belong. This year I am 50 in July a milestone if ever there was one. I have lived in my home now since 2012 in Exeter and it really is a home and base for me which I important to me. I was born in Wales in 1976 and first moved to Devon in 1982 to the village of Spreyton a place which has been a home from home. Though I know I am Welsh and love watching Wales play rugby I also feel strongly a part of Devon due to the roots I have put down here and friends made too.
Being the youngest Edwards in Devon now at what feels like a ripe old age of 49 is a strange experience to have my mum and me enjoy our life here but it feels sad that we are the last parts of the family that moved to Devon left here. It is a wonderful place which I feel very grateful to be living and would not want to live anywhere else for sure.
Challenging start to the New Year with the experience of loss of loved ones gone but never forgotten.
Sadly on the 6th January we lost my mother’s brother or my uncle Paul Hughes a lovely man with a big heart. He had battled dementia in the last year of his life which is a cruel occupier of the mind and body. Uncle Paul reminded me very much of my Grandpa Hughes his father Bill Hughes they both had the same look and sound to their voice and as I spent many a found Christmas with my Grandpa Bill Hughes seeing and hearing Paul Hughes would often remind me of those more innocent and happier times.
Grandpa Bill Hughes with me, my bro and Mum
Uncle Paul Hughes
Then sadly we learned that on the 17 January a very lovely soul Jacqui Leigh lost her battle with cancer she was a loving and kind soul that it was also felt hard to hear of her passing. She has four children and her husband that will now very much be missing her considerably as will we.
I spent some time at mums this weekend where we have been getting out some Christmas decorations and putting up Christmas trees. Dad will not be around this year and with us losing him at the beginning of this year and him becoming unwell last Christmas with his last pint being on Christmas eve in a pub out with me and his last full meal being on Chirstmas day it will be da different sort of feel to Christmas.
Mum’s tree in officeMums main tree in homeTwo little fellas fresh out of their box
When I got home this afternoon I decorated my first tree in my own home. I wanted to do it this year as with things being different so I fancied a change myself and getting a tree putting it up and decorated it will bring a little Christmas cheer into my home though it won make up for the storm clouds we faced last year.
The “skill psychologically of lighting up the dark” can be described as resilience and learned optimism, which involves acknowledging difficult emotions (the “darkness”) while actively cultivating hope and developing practical skills to navigate challenges and promote well-being. This concept draws on various psychological principles, including Jungian psychology and positive psychology.
Key Psychological Concepts
Balance of Opposites (Jungian Psychology): Psychologist Carl Jung noted that light and darkness coexist; one cannot exist without the other. The “skill” involves achieving a healthy balance rather than trying to eliminate darkness entirely. It suggests that there is value (or “gold”) to be found in understanding and integrating one’s “shadow” side (repressed or unacknowledged parts of the personality).
Resilience: This is the mental and emotional ability to adapt to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or stress. It is a key skill for navigating the “dark times” in life, enabling individuals to bounce back from challenges and learn from them.
Learned Optimism: A concept developed by Martin Seligman, this skill involves intentionally changing one’s perspective and challenging automatic negative thoughts. It is about how we interpret events, not changing reality itself.
Hope as an Active Mindset: Hope is not a passive emotion but an active mindset that involves setting goals, identifying pathways to achieve them, and maintaining a positive outlook even amidst obstacles.
Emotional Regulation and Processing: The ability to sit with pain and uncertainty, process difficult emotions, and avoid “toxic positivity” (dismissing genuine suffering) is crucial for healing and growth.
Skills and Strategies
Cultivating the skill of “lighting up the dark” involves several practical strategies:
Awareness and Acceptance: Acknowledging and accepting the reality of one’s inner and outer “dark spaces” (sadness, fear, uncertainty) is the first step toward finding a path forward.
Practicing Gratitude: Actively looking for things to be grateful for, even in difficult times, can build a more positive outlook.
Seeking Support: Reaching out to others and leveraging empathy from friends, family, or professionals can provide the “candle” needed to find one’s way through challenging times.
Self-Care and Self-Compassion: Prioritizing physical and mental well-being (sleep, nutrition, exercise) and treating oneself with kindness helps build the necessary energy and resilience to cope with challenges.
Mindfulness and Reflection: Engaging in self-reflection through methods like journaling helps identify negative patterns and work through emotions.
Purpose and Action: Focusing on solutions, contributing to the well-being of others (kindness), and engaging in goal-oriented behavior can provide meaning and purpose during difficult periods.
Ultimately, this skill is about acknowledging the dualism of light and dark within human experience and developing the psychological tools to navigate this balance effectively for overall well-being.
The phrase, “The poor will always have you,” is an inversion of a well-known quote from the New Testament of the Bible, which in modern translations generally reads, “The poor you will always have with you“.
This statement is recorded in the Gospels of Matthew (26:11), Mark (14:7), and John (12:8), and is part of Jesus’ response to his disciples when they object to a woman anointing him with expensive perfume that could have been sold to help the poor.
Origin and Context
Jesus’ statement is a direct allusion to Deuteronomy 15:11 in the Old Testament, which states, “For there will never cease to be poor in the land; that is why I am commanding you to open wide your hand to your brother and to the poor and needy in your land”.
Meaning and Interpretation
When Jesus said this, he was not dismissing the plight of the poor or suggesting that poverty is an unchangeable fate to be ignored. Instead, the original context highlights several points:
A Call to Action: By referencing Deuteronomy, Jesus was reminding his followers of their ongoing, God-given responsibility to be open-handed and generous toward the poor.
Prioritizing Worship: The statement served as a defense of the woman’s act of worship. Jesus emphasized that while the disciples would always have opportunities to help the poor, the unique, physical opportunity to honor him before his imminent death and burial was fleeting.
Critique of Motives: In John’s Gospel, the objection came from Judas Iscariot, who was a thief and did not genuinely care for the poor, adding a layer of rebuke to those who use concern for the needy as a mask for their own self-righteousness or misplaced priorities.
In summary, the phrase is a reminder of the perpetual existence of poverty in a fallen world and a constant call for believers to show ongoing compassion and generosity, but it also establishes the importance of wholehearted devotion and worship of Christ.
I am not normally one for looking to biblical texts for inspiration but this just struck a cord with me this morning. Although I am employed (happyish in my work) receive enough pay to keep a roof over my head and to try to save money for rainy days and buy goods and services that I think I need in my life, there is very little leftover to do anything else with after that.
Not that I need more money for myself but there is also a complete lack of employment opportunities to move up any form of career ladder nowadays across Britain, even if I made the time and effort to apply for other jobs. Unlike in my youth, administration manager roles or project support staff roles roles just no longer exist in a way like they used to. I know people with a desire to work that are finding it extremely difficult to step into employment now and have never witnessed an employment market as difficult and competitive as the one that exists today.
There are ways and means of getting into work and you must go the extra mile if unemployed every time to prove your worth to potential employers. I have always looked to work in a place of my choice doing something that interests me as a volunteer when out of work and that has always proved so far to be an excellent stepping stone to employed work and also a huge motivator to get out of bed and rewarding me with enjoyment and self respect.
I had up until recently been contributing small amounts or money each month to the Green Party and also a charity called International Rescue. I stopped those payments recently and it has to some extent been playing on my mind. How can someone like me help people those with less than what I have.
I would like to think there are many ways I can continue to help others. Such as how I vote, what I advocate for in the political system. What I say on my blog, what I believe in and live by. Helping a friend with less cash than me with a drink on a night out or making sure they have enough money to safely get a taxi home or other little things like that are small wins that help the people that I respect and want to support.
Poverty has felt like a real life possibility for me at times one which could if I am unlucky enough or we are all propelled into some cataclysm come back top haunt me. I was homeless (for a very short time myself once, which lead to me having the home that I have now lived in for over 15 years provided by a housing association which I now also work voluntarily for on a scrutiny panel to help improve the housing association for others, they have helped me so I am helping them now. I have always found in life that when I can not afford to give to a charity or good cause financially I can always make up for by giving my time and effort instead.
I have also been on benefits in the past when out of work or unwell with which without which I could have had nothing although saying that I have always had the love and support of my parents. They will not always be around to help me though which does make me focus my mind on ensuring I am there to stand on my own two feet on my own. To think of safety nets is not just theoretical for me but absolutely vital in order to have gone from where I was to where I am today.
To pay my way in life and hold my own not relying on anyone now financially but myself is a huge achievement to me. Though some might see holding your own and paying your way as perhaps a form of failure to me it is a genuine success. Well it must be some kind of religious quotes day for me so I will bail out with another interesting quote from the bible. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”.
JAMES – Sit Down (Original Rough Trade Version Music Video)
Clocks went back by an hour over the weekend so its now gone 10pm instead off 11pm on Monday night. It feels more like a Sunday night as I had the day off today. I went out to a city called Plymouth to a bar called Walkabout to sing Karaoke with some friends on Sunday. I hope we all had a good night and got up and sang our little hearts out.
Some of my favourite songs that I sing relate to a connection between my head and heart in the songs concerning such unspoken matters such as unrequited love, past lovers no longer with us and love lost as well as other other things that are also important to me such as the loss of my father and brother or what will happen to us all on this planet in the future (all good deep and meaningful issues on my mind of coure).
I got to sing three songs last night – the first was ‘the Blowers Daughter’ by Damien Rice. The next song I sung I was ‘Fields of Gold’ by Sting and finally I sang a song by the killers called ‘All the things I have done’. I bit of drunken crowd participation took place too which was aq lot of fun and also late night out as the bar shut about 1:30am and I got home just after 2:30am so lucky to have the day off really as a means of recovering from such a late night.
It’s a big venue with a big stage but does not really get that full so feels quite intimate to sing there and there are lots of other really good singers that also get up and give it their best. Since lock down back at the beginning of the 2020’s I have met so many good and new friends due to singing at Karaoke bars and it really has brought so many great opportunities too and a new lease of life for me.
I really do enjoy meeting new people and getting to know who they are and what makes them tick. I don’t know if this is a natural curious state of mind or brought on even more due to having lost people through them passing away and so searching for ways to meet other new and lovely people as a means to try and compensate for those that have been lost. This will be my first Christmas without my Dad which is strange and even though it’s still nearly 2 months away it is nonetheless a though on my mind.
I did not want to do a lot on my birthday this year as I was minded to think of having lost my Dad at the beginning of the year. Normally on my birthday over the last few years I would go out for a meal with friends and last year went to a bar called the White Hart.
Me stuck in the middle with some great guys that I went out with for my birthday in 2024.
I instead went out on Friday 11th July this year to a local bar where we sing Karaoke. I got up and sung We are Young by Fun and a friend kindly recorded me singing but I sound very loud and drunk and so will not post it on here just yet.
Yesterday I went out for a meal with my mum at a pub called the Fisherman’s Cot. We got some rare photos of me and mum too then also.
So I have the week off now and will just relax and take it easy, fortunately its no longer as hot as it was last week so just chilling and recharging my batteries.
So we said fairwell to Dad on Friday 7th March, his family would just like to say a huge thank you to all of you that have shown how much you care for him and us. Me, Shamen and mum have been so grateful for the love and support offered to us at this difficult time. It’s sometimes hard to make a call or show people, if you care due to already full up and busy lives, there is always something else in life to distract you that steels your time away. With that said it has been so very heart-warming and reassuring to know that in our time of need you were able to offer us your love and support.
Whether that was in the way of a kind word or thought, or a call or text to see how we are or for those that made time for us and also for those that were able to see us and Dad in Spreyton on the day we just can’t thank you all enough.
With the decisions to hold the ceremony in Spreyton Village Hall and have the burial at crossways site in Cheriton Bishop, I was a little nervous prior to the day, as to whether we had chosen the right words, locations, hymn and ideas for the day. But with all of those that attended and helped us I do believe we did dad proud and showed him how much he was loved. The whole day and event was a wonderful celebration of Dads life and thank all so much for the time you spared for us prior to the service and also on the day and evening too.
I also want to share Dads poem for those that might want to see it again and also for those that could not make it on the day.
Love the ones you Love by Neil Edwards
Love the ones you love. Don't assume they're fine, because you haven't heard from them in a while. Assume they're not - and call them.
Make sure they know you love them. That can be difficult to say, but tell them, in whatever words, in your funny old way.
Take every chance that comes to do an act of lovingkindness for those who live in your heart. These things are powerful voodoo, because they work for them as well as you.
The only thing we know is true, is that we don't know what's to come. Don't just keep them in your heart. Turn up, and talk, and be with them.
Thank you, dear God, for this good life, and forgive us if we do not love it enough. And forgive us if we forget to love the ones we love.
P.S. Don’t beat yourself up. Even if you do all these things, some of us will slip away.
We are good actors and take great pains to keep you off the scent. It’s nothing you did or failed to do. Don’t beat yourself up.
Welcome to Huwspace 
You must be logged in to post a comment.